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Hearth's Warming Care Package !!Spike 840[View All]

#Event

The event has ended! Here are the results: http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/event/3-Hearths-Warming-Care-Package/results

Copied from an Equestria Daily post ( http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/10/announcing-hearths-warming-care-package.html ) :

It's not quite yet Halloween, which means it's time to start thinking about the winter holiday season. Smart alecky quips aside, a group of bronies have taken it upon themselves to put us all in the holiday spirit by setting up a very unique sort of charity for now seven-years-old Kiki Havivy, the little girl fighting a potentially lethal brain tumor whom Tara Strong has been rallying us around for quite a few months now.

What makes this project unique is that it's not seeking funding, but rather a much needed boost of morale in the form of stories. That's right, it's time to put our collective fanfiction chops to work for the forces of good! Check on down below the page break for the official press release, an informational video, and as a special bonus, a video that got released a few days prior of little Kiki singing, circa age 3. If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.



Greetings and Salutations to All of Equestria!

This letter is to announce the arrival of a new brony charity project, known as the ‘Hearth’s Warming Care Package’. We have been moved by the many great things the members of our fandom and community have done for those less fortunate, and this project is a way for those without funds to give back to a cause.

For our first event, we are putting together a care package for a fan you might already know about. Kiki Havivy is a wonderful little pegasister that was diagnosed with brain cancer in January of 2011 at the age of six. She is fighting an uphill battle, and so far, the brony community has raised countless sums of money to aid her in her quest for survival, as well as the dozens of artists and musicians who gave their work to auctions and charity albums.

We also seek to do something for Kiki for those that do not readily have money to give to her cause or a skill of monetary value. To this end, we are announcing the first ever brony charity fanfiction contest. We are looking for a great story that we can illustrate, print and send to Kiki along with a package full of holiday cards, toys and wishes for her speedy recovery.

But wait, there’s more!

We have several big names in the fanfiction community lined up to judge your entries. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get some feedback on your work from some of the most respected and renown writers, on top of the chance to write for a cause. Among our judges are such names as DawnFade, Chromosome, Pen Stroke, WandererD, JasonTheHuman, The Descendant, Chaotic Dreams, PhantomFox, TwilightClopple, Thyrai, PonIver, The Sentient Cloud, Whirring Gears, Steel Resolve and even more![1]

Interested? Read on for the details and rules…
Submission Information
Submissions will be handled by the website http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me. See Rules for the rules, and FAQ for information on how the judging will take place. All entries must be received by Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:00:00 UTC.[2]

Prizes
First, all entries will be included in a bound anthology that we will send with the care package to Kiki and her family.

Two runners up will receive a commissioned cover for their story (or if they so choose, any other story they have or will be writing). They will also receive one shirt of their choice from the exquisite brony boutique at WeLoveFine.

Our grand prize winner will have their story illustrated, printed, and sent with the care package. On top of that, they will receive a 14” commissioned plush pony of their choosing (including OCs, and voice boxes available for canon characters), care of CreatedWithLove (http://createdwithlove.deviantart.com), who will also be including a plush of Kiki’s OC to send with the care package.

If you would like to be a part of this special gift for Kiki, we welcome all forms of aid. If you wish to donate money, please visit http://www.giveforward.com/supportkikiscancerfund. Artists and others who wish to be included in some way in the project are encouraged to contact either [email protected], or our project coordinator, PonIver (FIMFiction: PonIver, Skype: doughboy1337, Twitter: @PonIver, [email protected]).

We would love to include all who wish to be a part of this project, so don’t hesitate to ask! Cards, toy donations, or just some way to devote time to the project! We won’t turn anyone away.

We truly look forward to giving Kiki the best Hearth’s Warming ever, and wish her many more to come.

Love, Tolerate, and Seasons Greetings to All

PonIver and the ‘Hearth’s Warming Care Package’ Project



[1] Current judges are PhantomFox7, Wanderer_D, SleeplessBrony, TheDescendant, Unahim, DawnFade, Thyrai, PegasusRescueBrigade, and AbsoluteAnonymous.
[2] See note at top of post.
This post was edited by a moderator on .
59 posts and 23 image replies omitted. Click View to see all.

Anonymous 1428

>>1427
Continued from due to character limit.

Winter Lily
The opening is a little info dumpy for a fic that jumps right into the action.

The exposition tends to be rather telly, especially when it’s a chance to explain the motive behind an action. This tends to disrupt your tension. The awkward sentence structures don’t help, either.

Quick Silver’s quest seemed a little too easy (the avalanche didn’t even stir the dragon) and the post-flower acquisition section felt really rushed.

The framing device probably could have worked, but you overplayed it with all the exact predictions of what will happen in Canterlot Wedding.


Barking Mad
Awkward sentence structure with telly exposition. It gets a little better once Sweetie reaches the Everfree, though. Gives me the impression you were rushing to get to that scene.

I think your choice of unlikely friends is rather amusing. But I feel like the pacing doesn’t really allow the relationship to develop beyond a bit of shallow bonding.


We All Love You
The opening is immediately bogged down by a big wad of telling. And the telling continues through the rest of the scenes.

The whole gesture of Kiki getting inserted into the story to get encouragement from everypony is a sweet thought. However, it feels rather hollow since she barely reacts to anything.


Little Pinkie and Madame Pie
What’s going on with the dialogue punctuation? Hyphens normally aren’t used for that.

You’ve got a fair bit of clunky sentence structure going on too. The pacing is a little jumpy and you have a tendency to add that Spike had done something a while back when the scene was still going on and could actually shown Spike doing whatever action.

I’d think the party vandalism would make Pinkie a prime suspect off the bat.


Lessons in Friendship
The opening feels like it’s rushing to get to the party. It feels like it’s tripping over itself trying to provide the bare bones detail for a half dozen different things in as few words as possible.

Twi’s spell strikes me as something strangely specific. Even moreso than some of the show’s fare.

A catapult seems like a really weird thing for Big Mac to have just lying around ready to lend out.

Some of the dialogue (like Cheerilee’s) feels unnatural. Probably because people typically don’t talk like that.

Many of your scenes lean heavily on direct references to the show. And those references kind of take over and overshadow the rest of your prose.

Some of the gags are quite amusing, though.


Brand New Canvas
Opening with a bunch of “as you know” info dumping is a bit off-putting.

Watch that tense slippage. You go from past to present all in the course of the first two paragraphs. And then back to past a few paragraphs down.

The protagonist’s life story was a major tangent and not really the best thing to throw at the reader right off the bat.

The trolling drill sergeant is pretty amusing.

The journal entries are totally redundant since the scene they describe just happened and the scenes themselves have way more content.


Fluttershy and the Perilous Pegasus Peak
Well, the opening reads elegantly enough, which helps to hide the basic recap info-dumping going on. Which I might add, feels odd to put at the start of a fanfic.

Fluttershy talking to herself feels a little weird. Probably because she doesn’t really do it in show.

The part of the mountain where Fluttershy traveled on her own dragged a bit. I think it was because without Dash or Angel, there’s nothing to break up the exposition.

I’m curious as to how exactly Angel helped Fluttershy climb the root. You gloss over it and all I could really think of was the ridiculousness that would be Angel muscling her up over the ledge.

I have mixed feelings about Celestia’s hovering over Fluttershy’s shoulder. On the one hand, it feels in character, but on the other, it’s also kind of like saying “don’t worry, I won’t kill Fluttershy.” And that’s a worry I wasn’t sure I ever had.

I loved the Dash-Flutters and Flutters-Angel interactions (especially Angel’s wordless snarking). They were easily the most fun part of the fic.


Piece of Mind
Wait, Fluttershy breaking out into skipping and singing in the marketplace? That definitely strikes me as more of a Pinkie thing.

Mind your paragraphs. The second big one needs to be split in more than a couple places.

The nightmare section just feels like a reiteration of the associated episodes, except without the respective resolutions.

The pacing dragged a bit, especially after the nightmares. I wonder if there’s some portions of the dialogue you could condense?

You made Fluttershy’s mind kind of horrifying. :|

That said, did think the nicknames for all the aspects was cute.

I can’t help but think the state of Fluttershy’s mind was a major over-reaction to the accident and that the correlation between it and scaring the bunnies is rather weak.

Anonymous 1433

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>>1427
>>1428
Those reviews were good! Not sure why you felt hesitant about posting, but I'm glad you did post in the end. I appreciated your feedback on mine, and I'm sure the other authors will feel that way too.

Author of "Playing Along" 1441

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>>1427
>I would like to have gotten a little bit of description of Twi’s guests earlier in the story.
I flip-flopped on the guests since I'm not the best with descriptions. I try to introduce things organically and, if it doesn't have any real bearing on the story, I lose it since I have a tendency to go too far when I get into the minutia. Plus, I figured if this won, describing them wouldn't be an issue since they'd just be drawn. Of course, to get to that point, I should have them described so that I win :P.

>While I do get a bit of an impression that the description may have been put for to contrast . . . I think that makes describing their appearance to her when she see them as friends the much more important.

Making a disparity between how Twilight sees them and their actual appearance as a toy was part of it, yes.

>“It was the practiced response of a husband caged in marriage and tamed by their wife.” is a really weird observation for Twi to pick up on. At least at her age.

Well, it's a third-person narrator that is only focusing on Twilight, but point taken.

>Ew at the spit and lettuce speck bit (even if it is amusing).

I tend to have gross-out humour in my stories. It comes naturally to me
>Picks nose and flicks his finger's findings into the garbage
I have no idea why.
I did, with all truthfulness, do that as I read your reply, although in my defence I do have a cold right now.

>The part where Twi’s dad discusses the difference between toys and friends: heartrending.

Your tears. I desire them.

>The opening to the Cadance-Twi scene feels just a little overloaded. I think there might be too much mental information from too many different sources.

Would you have any suggestions for fixing that? I could have the scene start as they're entering the house, but I wanted something to show just how excited Twilight is and show that there was an outside world beyond her room when it came to scene settings.

>Overall, there were a few rough patches, but generally speaking this story is very well crafted and incredibly cute. Loved the character interactions (Ser Charley, especially, was just plain fun) adn the theme. Would definitely read again.

Thank you very much for the compliments! Making a story good enough to be read again, I think, is something any author worth their salt (ink?) should strive for. I'll break out the fine-grit sandpaper and smooth out those edges you and the others pointed out.



I don't know why you were so iffy on posting your reviews. I thought they were excellent and it definitely shed some light on a few areas that others (and myself, most importantly) had missed. Many thanks for spending the time to note them.
This post was edited by its author on .

Author of The Shelter in the Forest 1444

>>1427
Thanks for the review.

On the show vs. tell, I figured it was worth doing for the intended audience. Or at least, that's what I told myself at the time. Was trying to be unsubtle. Don't really know what I'm doing, herp.

I have plans to post this story on fimfic once the contest is over, but now I'm wondering if I shouldn't actually put this feedback to use and publish an edited version. Not sure if that would be against the spirit of things. Something to think about!

Reviews 1445

Okay then. I've read all of the stories, and done my voting. Along the way, I've compiled a few notes on each of the stories, which I'm going to go ahead and call "reviews."

For those of you who are familiar with the kinds of reviews I normally do… these aren't like that. What I've got are by no means comprehensive, nor are they even necessarily all that representative of how I voted (in that, at least in a few cases, I don't think it would be easy to tell what number I assigned a story based on what I wrote)—they're simply a few observations and suggestions for each story which I typed up as I read. In other words, don't expect two pages of focused, hard-considered analysis for these fics.

A few "before we begin"s: first, thank you everyone for participating. Even the people whose stories I wasn't all that enthralled by should know that I'm happy they participated. And more to the point, I'm sure that Kiki will be, too. Second, I submitted a story. To get around the whole "don't reveal which story you wrote" thing without just calling myself "the author of ___," I got a friend to comment on my story, then summarized the main bullets in my own vernacular and listed it along with all the other reviews. Is that okay? It feels weird to me, but it's what I'm going with. Third, I've deliberately avoided reading other people's reviews to this point, so as not to color my own. So, if my advice is echoing everyone else's, sorry for the repetition. And if by chance my suggestions are opposite another reviewer's… oops? You'll have to figure out who's giving bad advice, though given the expressly casual nature of my comments, I know who I'd give the benefit of the doubt to.

Lastly, I've been compiling the notes in a google doc. I'm far too lazy to try to port over 5k words into comment box while figuring out formatting stuff, so instead, here's the link to the doc. Hope at least some of you find this helpful, and by all means let me know if there's anything about which I've been unclear, about which you disagree, or about which you'd like to otherwise engage me over.

THE REVIEWS:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rjXzoRgSy2w2AyxYUw4H7gCEdQ_l8BoEb5KGWTC4pMc/edit

1446

>>1445
This is just theory, mind you, but you can probably use Fimfiction's GDocs importer to format a post here from a Google Document since they both use BBCode (for now). The times you would want to will likely be few and far in between, but the option is there.

Anonymous 1448

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/90327 (PonIver's blog on FIMFiction)

"The public has until the end of the week to vote on the Hearth's Warming Care Package contest, so get on it. I was talking with Kiki's mother the other day. Kiki isn't doing well. She's very unresponsive after her hyperbaric chamber treatments, but she was reading some of the entries for her and told me that she was responsive and alert while she was reading them. I nearly cried when I heard that. Okay, I sobbed like a little girl… Charity link (http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me)"

Anonymous 1453

>>1441
>I flip-flopped on the guests since I'm not the best with descriptions. I try to introduce things organically and, if it doesn't have any real bearing on the story, I lose it since I have a tendency to go too far when I get into the minutia. Plus, I figured if this won, describing them wouldn't be an issue since they'd just be drawn. Of course, to get to that point, I should have them described so that I win :P.
Ah, good old catch-22s, huh? I'm pretty convinced it would improve the pay off later in the story, though.

>Would you have any suggestions for fixing that? I could have the scene start as they're entering the house, but I wanted something to show just how excited Twilight is and show that there was an outside world beyond her room when it came to scene settings.

I think it's more to do with how much focus you give the random wildlife, which goes so far as to include their thoughts.

>>1444
It's a tough thing to gauge. Especially without knowing Kiki.

And I don't see how improving would go against the spirit. Plus Kiki can benefit from any revised versions.

Author of "Playing Along" 1454

>>1445
Madam Frillyfrock's accent was a bit thick, yes. That's the main reason she was "killed off" first since I doubted people would be able to stand reading her dialogue for very long.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. If the guy that makes it his business to review six-star stories likes this, I think I'm off to a good start ^_^.

Oh, and speaking of the blog, you might want to update your writing resource link for /fic/ from Ponychan to MLPchan.

>>1453
Yes. I'll look into adding some minor descriptions for the toys during the opening scene.

Hmm, yes.

>No Calvin and Hobbes Twilight and Smarty pic this time since my bandwidth is bein' sapped by multiple concurrent downloads. I was running out of them, anyways.
This post was edited by its author on .

1461

>>1445
Great reviews as usual. Glad to see you participating on both sides of the equation.

>Guard prompt

Yeah, that was a very unfortunate prompt. It really ended up sabotaging a few of those entries.

>I got a friend to comment on my story, then summarized the main bullets in my own vernacular and listed it along with all the other reviews. Is that okay? It feels weird to me, but it's what I'm going with.

Ah, that's a clever way to do it. Though, I've always been an advocate of attempting to self-review, since there's some value in it. When you bury your story in the middle of 24 others, it's possible to trick your brain and read your own story with reviewer goggles.

>So, if my advice is echoing everyone else's, sorry for the repetition.

Nah, not at all. There's extra value in seeing if one comment is echoed in every review. It's likewise valuable to see if reviewers disagree on any points.

1468

>>1454
I think you mean "writing resource link for /fic/ from just Ponychan to MLPchan and Ponychan", seeing how there are still reviews going on there.

And you are too easy to figure out.

Author of The Shelter in the Forest 1472

>>1445
Oh wow, it's Chris! :D FYI, I've done self-reviews without posting as "author of" before, usually just as a series of self-criticisms and "I could have done this better"s masquerading as a third-party review.

Having heard the criticism about the cutie mark twice five times (herp) now, if I revise this, I'll change the ending. "Straightforward" is the word I've been failing to use in describing my approach to this contest. That's precisely what I was going for. Thank you very much for this review!

>>1448
Oh gosh. That's not good. :( I had no idea her condition was so poor. At least she's reading the stories…?

>>1453
That brings up a good question: is there any sort of editing round, be it self-imposed or otherwise, before the stories are printed? Even if only for mechanics, a lot of these stories could use it.
This post was edited by its author on .

Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6 1475

File: 1353866752724.jpg (160.5 KB, 900x837, meum_pauxillum_caballio_by_lor…)

PUBLIC VOTING IS CLOSED

Here are your finalists:
Born to Scoot
Fluttershy and the Perilous Pegasus Peak
Going Up
Pinkie Pie's Balloons
Playing Along
Stage Fright!
The Shelter in the Forest
Winter Lily

Well done to everyone who participated! The final results will be released a week from now, on Sunday 2nd December at 6PM UTC.

Axis of Rotation 1476

>>1475

I second that. While the 17 who didn't make it to the finals are undoubtedly disappointed, try not to be. Kiki still gets to hear ALL our stories, and that's an awesome win if you ask me. Besides, who knows what HER favorite will be? It might just be yours.

Anonymous 1477

I find it odd, to say that least, that there were eliminations from the the public voting round, as this effectively lets the public influence the judges.

I suppose that could have been the point, but the IIRC, the rules and EqD post weren't particularly forthcoming with the information. In short, I was very confused.

Author of The Shelter in the Forest 1480

>>1477
That's how judged writeoffs work.

That's a heck of a cutoff though! 8 out of 25? Wow.

Lt_Luc 1481

>>1475
I'm wishing we could see the public ratings on the stories.
Roger, is it possible that authors could request their public rating to be mailed to them, or is patience the virtue of the day?

>>1476
My sister thought Spy Kids was a movie worth watching every day, so who's to say what a kid will choose?

>>1477
Well, if the contest is going to be decided by the judges only, then having all of the stories be passed to them while also having public voting wouldn't have made any difference. The public voting was to narrow down the field.

>>1480
Honestly, only four or five stories were good enough for me to read without skipping chunks. And in the end, this really is a two-horse race (puns!) if the reviews are anything to go by.

Anonymous 1489

>>1480
>>1481
Heh, guess that's me showing this is the first time I've read anything for a competition of this kind.

Still would have been nice to have what is taken for granted laid out in the rules so those of us poking our heads in for the first time would know what was going down.

1501

>>1477
While not technically the rules page, the main voting vs judges reviewing process is described on http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/faq#How-does-it-work Admittedly, it wasn't mentioned how many stories would promote to the judges round.

>>1481
>I'm wishing we could see the public ratings on the stories.
I'd like that too, though I'd wager the scores for the eight finalists are hush-hush for this week, to minimalize bias for the judges.

>And in the end, this really is a two-horse race (puns!) if the reviews are anything to go by.

It definitely seemed that way from the reviews that I read, though from Roger's events, it's not unprecedented for the public and the judges to disagree on #1, so it could technically be anypony's race.

Considering that probably none of the judges are leaking their reviews, this week will be a long wait :<

Axis of Rotation 1503

>>1481
I loved Spy Kids as a kid—that movie was the best. Haven't seen it in like a decade or something, though. Seeing it now would probably ruin my memory of it, ha. Either way, I Ilike your sister's tastes!

1505

>>1446

Huh. I would never have thought of that—I guess if this sort of situation comes up again, I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the tip.

>>1472
>>1468
>>1461
>>1454

Glad you all enjoyed; my pleasure, I assure you.


By the way, question about the site hosting the writeoff: it says I have a hugbox score of 4.42. What I can't seem to find is some indication of what this number means, and whether or not it should alarm me. Would anyone mind cluing me in?

1510

>>1505
It's the average of the ratings you've given to all the fics you've voted on.

1533

Protip: A hugbox score of <5 is good, the lower the better.

Brutally downvoting "meh" stories makes your 8s, 9s, and 10s matter more. You are equally promoting your favorites and "harming" your least favorites.

1536

>>1533
Using the full spectrum of available scores makes your vote have a bigger impact.

I rate them relative to each other, which generally means there's at least one 0 and one 10. I think the "ideal" hugbox score would be 5.

The variance in someone's votes are more important. Actually, I might make that the shown stat instead. ;)
This post was edited by its author on .

1537

I think of it this way: When I'm brutal on stories I didn't like, then not only does it make my 8s and 9s matter more, I'm also saying that I don't think my 5s and 6s are quite as bad as the bad ones.

1544

>>1533
I don't think I've ever awarded a ten. A few nines, but a ten suggests perfection, which is rather difficult under a time limit. That said, I'm very harsh on stories I don't like; mercy does not exist in my dictionary. This write-off had plenty of stories that got my hammer and only one that I properly enjoyed.

Axis of Rotation 1549

>>1533
>>1536
>>1537
>>1544
Now I'm very interested to hear: what is your guys' personal reasoning for being "brutal" or without mercy when it comes to voting and/or reviewing fics that you don't really like? I'm not trying to point a finger here; rather, I'm curious to know how much good you think you're doing, or not doing. Care to let me inside your heads?
This post was edited by its author on .

1551

>>1510

Ah, much thanks!

>>1536
>>1549

Personally, I set my favorite and least favorite stories as the standard for 10 and 0 respectively, then placed everything else accordingly. Obviously that's not how everyone arranged their votes, and I am insufficiently mathematically inclined to say what impact (if any) this has in terms of ranking results. For the absolute scores, of course, it's easy to say what difference it makes, but the absolute scores don't really matter.

Lt_Luc 1553

>>1549
I rate mine based on how much I enjoyed it, not in relation to the others. A five generally means it was readable and that I didn't skip (much). Seven and up are stories I read through in their entirety, derived some measure of enjoyment from and, most importantly, I didn't feel like my time was wasted reading it. Three and below are either mechanical and stiff or are full of errors in regards to the writing's mechanics. A one is where both of the criteria for a three are present.

Axis of Rotation 1559

>>1553
Ha, yes, that is quite different from how one would normally vote, I imagine. But I like it—it's certainly an interesting way to do it. And to be honest, I tend to compare fics too, though I guess that suggests I'm an experienced member here, which I'm not—this was my first contest. I'm used to simply giving a fic a thumbs up or down.

>>1551
This might be a little long so I'll hide it.
That's definitely a solid system too, one you can just lay over a bulk of fics and sort them through with—it also suggests that you're consistent. Though it sounds like you don't always finish a fic, and yet you'll still vote on it (correct me if I'm wrong on that).

Now while I totally get why you'd do that (some things are just painful to get through), I gotta ask: does that seem fair to you? I mean, to me, that's akin to reading a review for a movie, and then finding out the reviewer only saw the first 15 minutes; or a videogame where the person played about a third of the game or even less, before passing their jugement, which does have an impact on things. I feel like in those situations, you would discard said reviews; in the case of games, I've seen it come up before and people were pretty angry, until they learned it was just a false rumor. If you don't mind me asking: what makes your case different?


Not to keep asking questions, but I figure we all enjoy talking about fic related things here. So: how dispassionately do you guys judge? Both of you mentioned rating fics based on how much you liked them (and I do the same); does this mean that if you come across a fic you don't like—say it's a ship fic, which you abhor—do you still downvote it, despite however well it's written, paced, thought out, etc? Or in a case like that, do you look past your own tastes and give it a good vote?

Axis of Rotation 1560

>>1559
Oh for craps sake—I got the responses backwards! Ugh…sorry guys.

Lt_Luc 1562

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>>1559
Well, the first and foremost rule of writing I take into account is "Make the opening interesting". You could have the most epic story in the world a few pages in but if your opening paragraph is a piece of crap people aren't going to stick around to find out.
Also, by "skipping", I mean I skim the story, pick up on things that look important and fill in the blanks. You can build a fairly comprehensive idea of a story's plot and developments with only a fraction of the words if you're good at deducing, at least when it comes to stuff as simple as the works seen in this contest.

I attempt to separate my prejudices from my rating. I don't like clop, but I've read stories that were good that involved it (not revolved around it, mind you) and enjoyed them. If it makes me uncomfortable, well, that's where the aforementioned skimming comes in. Some stories I loathe for what was a good idea wasted by poor execution. My Little Dashie, The Conversion however-you-spell-that-word-that-starts-with-a-B, and Past Sins all coming to mind in that regard.

>>1560
Post editing is a thing, you know. You can find the How-to in the sticky, I think, or at least on /site/'s sticky.

Axis of Rotation 1563

>>1562
Oh, I tried, haha—things got messed up. Crap happens.

Anyway, those are some good points. As far as a beginning is concerned, I can get over a bad one; personally I struggle with openings. So coming from that angle, I understand that the start of a fic isn't necessarily an author at their best, and the fic could really pick up afterwards. It's happened plenty of times.

Glad to hear you skim instead of skip, ha. I just think it shows the author a little more respect than not reading part way through—I mean, I would like people to at least read through my own fic. But I'm not perfect here, either.

And yeah, keeping personal tastes out of it is tough—I'm still working on it.

Anonymous 1571

Thanks for the review, many of your points were very true. Also, I agree that it should have been "…", it's the standard for English after all
(oopsie, posted an unfinished msg before).

Lt_Luc 1695

File: 1354390173535.png (64.23 KB, 476x358, Dawn_of_the_Final_Day_by_Luigi…)

http://youtu.be/jK_zGY996to
A little bit late, but still.

Lt_Luc 1743

I would love to get some context for the judge's ratings on the stories. Seeing as how the press release explicitly promises "feedback" and all. Having a 1.5 point lead in the user reviews, with an average of 8 points, then receiving -5 brings up some questions.

Results 1744

Check 'em: http://writeoff.rogerdodger.me/event/3-Hearths-Warming-Care-Package/results

Winners will be contacted by email about prizes shortly.

1748

Congratulations to the winners! Although it may not have been my personal favorite (though it was in my top three), it's easy to see why Pinkie Pie's Balloons won—of all the entries, it did perhaps the best job of creating a structure which would appeal to young readers. I don't doubt that Kiki will enjoy all three of the top entries. For that matter, I don't doubt she'll be excited to see everyone else's stories; remember, every entry will be printed and sent to her, so even if you didn't win, you've still done a good deed.

I was a little surprised by the dramatic differences between the judges' ratings, I admit; Born to Scoot was rated the top story by SleeplessBrony and the bottom story by AbsoluteAnonymous, for example. It would have been nice to have their comments, to see what it is that they saw differently in that example (and generally). Maybe something to consider for next time?

In any case, kudos to the organizers and judges for running the event, and to everyone who participated.

1749

>>1748
Judges providing feedback is their prerogative, at least by the rules of the site.

I certainly agree that seeing their rationale would be nice, because a big part of why these events are great is that everyone gets a lot of thoughtful feedback on their stories. In the past my judges have (mostly) given it willingly.
This post was edited by its author on .

Present Perfect (no trip lol) 1750

I had hoped, as the stories went off to the judges, that they would consider suitability for comic format in ranking their choices. I daresay they have, and Pinkie Pie's Balloons was probably the best choice they could have gone for. Well done, judges!

Thank you, MLPchan and Roger, for hosting this amazing event. I'm honored to have been part of it.

I guess my next thing is, what happens now? Is there an editing round for the stories before they're bound up? Will this thread be updated with the final efforts of all this? I'm very interested in what happens with all the fics. :)

Lastly, a little bit of extra thanks to Chris for being amazing and writing Going Up, which was by far my favorite story. There was an awful lot to enjoy in this contest.

Axis of Rotation 1752

Congrats to PavFiera, Lt_Luc, and Ezn for making top three! And applause for everyone who participated—awesome job guys, and well done. I mean that.

>>1748
Honestly that doesn't surprise me at all. I doubt anyone involved is a professional story writer/editor, or even has kids (myself included here). Personal taste also played a large role, I'm sure. No offense to all who voted.

Either way, I'm not complaining, since I understood this before going in. I'm just happy Kiki gets a bunch of stories to have read to her.

Lt_Luc 1753

File: 1354478552613.jpg (76.2 KB, 334x960, 5TVV7.jpg)

>>1750
It's not a comic, it's illustrated. I would imagine something like the Winnie the Pooh books, with a page of writing and a page with a drawing of the scene.

Thank You! 1765

I'm currently swamped with work, but wanted to take the time to say congratulations to our winners and thank you to all participants who either entered or voted in the public round.

I and my crack team of editors are scoruing the stories to clean them up before the big publication and my illustrator and his team are excited to get to work on our grand prize winner. I will be contacting the winners in the next few days to arrange delivery of their prizes.

What you have all done is going to make a sick little girl very happy, amd you should all be proud. This project has been exhausting for me and the help I've received from Rogerdodger and many others is immeasurable as well as the donations of toys and cards people have sent to the package.

Love and Tolerate
PonIver and the Hearth's Warming Care Package

Present Perfect (no trip lol) 1777

>>1753
This makes far more sense than what I was thinking! Making any of these into a comic would have been a ridiculous, time-consuming amount of work!

Pav Feira!ToolDoTeR. 1815

File: 1354528701347.jpg (90.65 KB, 931x859, fluttershy___spy_by_soapie_sol…)

Wow. Well, now that I've had some time to reflect on it some more curse my insomnia, I want to thank the judges and everyone who voted. It's a huge honor to have been chosen, and it was a huge shock to find out. I believe my initial instructions to Roger were to "math it again." And he did. Still, I stand by my original statements at >>1153. Since all of the stories are getting sent to her, including the stories I liked better than Pinkie Pie's Balloons, she still comes out as the winner. And heck, we're just trying to guess what she'd like; her favorite might well end up being a story that wasn't even a finalist. So, everyone should still feel proud for having participated.

That said, I'd absolutely love it if the judges could post a quick blurb for each finalist, to show their individual rationales. Even a sentence or two per story would be great, here or on FimFic or wherever. It's just that the deviation on the judge votes were so wiggedy-wack. Every story received a spread of at least five positions, with the majority having a spread of seven or eight. (By a spread of seven, I mean as in one judge giving the story second place, and another giving it eighth.) Not to mention the discrepancy against the public voting results. And yes, >>1752 touched on personal differences, which is perfectly valid and almost certainly what happened here. Still, I'm sure I don't need to explain the value of getting feedback from one reviewer saying "this is why you were my favorite", and feedback from another reviewer saying "this is why you were my least favorite". :)

I also loved the fact that I didn't recognize the names of so many of the entrants. It's great to see new faces, and I hope y'all stick around now that the contest is over.

>>1752
>Pav Fiera
lol, dammit Roger, look what you've done. Explaining the joke: the website deliberately and sadistically letter-shuffles my name and a few others', like Ion-Sturm and Present Perfect. Hit F5 on the result page a few times and you'll see it.

I understand why several people found the reference to The Room: fairly overtly written, and a subject matter many of us know. But I have to say, I am disappoint that no one figured out the deal with the name of Fluttershy's robin. No, not a reference to the William Hall book.
This post was edited by its author on .

Present!PeRFeCt9JM 1817

>>1815
>I also loved the fact that I didn't recognize the names of so many of the entrants.

I was pleased by this, too. I think more people were willing to stick their necks out for the charity aspect. I hope they didn't get scared away from writing more by the contest!

1820

File: 1354538185958.png (51.41 KB, 362x381, 133706035652.png)

>Pav Fiera

Axis of Rotation 1842

>>1815
>>1817
Oh don't worry, I plan on sticking around, forEEEEveeerrr!

Dekiel/Coobie 1845

Congratulations to the winners! And thanks to everybody who participated, I'm happy we could do something for Kiki. I hope she'll enjoy the stories, especially the grand trio. Also, that's it for the first full fledged story (I guess I can say that)I've ever finished. Now I know a whole bunch of new 'what dos and what do nots' that will surely be helpful when I get to writing something next time.
Thank you again, everypony!

DawnFade!XqWRrTglb. 1900

I've never posted here before, but I thought I'd come by to offer my congratulations to everyone who participated. Judging those stories was a lot of fun, and I'm glad to see others felt the same way about Pinkie Pie's Balloons.
The simple prose, recurring lines, and clear message made it a clear choice for me. It really seemed like something out of an actual children's book, which was something I kept at the forefront of my mind when judging the entries. Well done!
(Also, was anyone else imagining Kiki's mother reading the stories to her? That was another thing I did while judging.)


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