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Vimbert the Review Mercenary 6541

#Reviewer
Hello there, fanficcers! This is a review thread, but think of it more like an advertisement plastered to a billboard than a local shop.

Let me get straight to the point and say that I do review commissions: private reviews for authors who want an experienced eye looking over their fanfics. My reviews are based on initial reader response—I keep a microphone open and running as I read, and I’ll frequently muse aloud. This allows you to hear my reactions in real time, and since I edit out the silences, it’s all in one compact package filled with my sexy voice.

Who is this guy who wants money for reviews, you might ask? I’ve been reviewing in the fandom for almost two years now, and in that time I’ve looked over some big-name stories, including Past Sins, Ponies Make War/The Immortal Game, The End of Ponies, Composure, Pony Age: Origins, and many more over six review threads on Ponychan’s /fic/ board. (Sadly, only one has not 404’ed by this time.) http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/76172.html

I’ve also been an EqD pre-reader for over a year, and I’ve read staggering amounts of fanfic (over 1200 verdicts given, including pre-screenings) in that position. I also have a BA with a minor in Creative Writing. In short, I’m someone with some name recognition who will pick apart every bit of grammar and story you’ve got to throw at me. If you’d like to see my writing, visit my Fimfiction page here: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Vimbert%20the%20Unimpressive

My rates are as follows:
For a standard review, $2 per every 1,000 words of story read. I’ll review everything from the most innocent slice-of-life to the darkest rape clop. (I don’t post my reviews publicly or take stories for review through public posting, so mods, I don’t believe I’m breaking your rules by saying this.)

For a more brief review, a mere dollar, regardless of story length, will get your story a quick skim by me. These reviews do not go in-depth, but instead give bullet point listings of issues likely to be brought up were it submitted to EqD and a prediction about what verdict the pre-readers will hand back. This allows you to have a general idea where the weak points in the story might be and to revise with those in mind.

For those interested, I can be contacted at [email protected] or [email protected] . Sending me a PM on Fimfiction is also fine. I take Paypal for payment, and negotiation is possible on rates (I.E., I would trade a review on a medium-length piece for a piece of fanart or the like for a story of mine. If I really like the concept of the story, I can knock my rates down a little.) Even if all you want are more details, drop me a line!

Additional information: I write in American English, and my grasp on other regional styles is a bit shaky. I tend to favor the succinct over the long and flowery, and I’m better with characters than with setting. If I am involved with reviewing your fanfiction in any way, I will excuse myself from looking at it if it is sent into Equestria Daily for pre-reading, to avoid a conflict of interest.

6544

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>>6541
>Charging for reviews
You have fallen to the dark side, Vimbert.
Damn you for beating me to it.

Vindictive reviews should be free.

6546

>>6544
Yeah, forget charging for reviews. I'd be willing to edit your story for you for half of what Vimbert is charging.

Anonymous 6547

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>>6546
Perhaps, but at least with Vim's offer you get what you pay for.

Tactical 6548

>>6544
>>6547

Same faggot.

But I'm not, and I say: you'd be a fool to pay for a review from Azu.

6549

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>>6548
>Implying I would ever post as anon
Tactical, you nub.

6551

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>>6548
Sorry, that's incorrect. Would you like to try the bonus round, where the prizes can really add up?

Anonymous 6555

>>6546
Editing for $1 / 1000 words? You do realize that just makes you seem like the cheap hooker with all the STDs, right?

Anonymous 6556

>>6555
What?

Are you saying he should charge professional rates? Because, ignoring the fact he might lack the expertise to do it correctly, he is pretty close to professional rates as is.

Anonymous 6570

>>6556
Charging for reviews at all makes me laugh.
It's about as funny fimfiction charging a membership fee for people who want to read and write fanfiction.

who would actually be dumb enough to pay for a review on something they wrote for free?

Anonymous 6577

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>>6570
Alternatively.

Anonymous 6578

>>6570
People who write so crappy no one wants to work with them? Perhaps people that believe Vimbert has expertise which might make their e-cocks grow ten times larger once their story is so good they will be getting so much virtual pussy (cause they won't get real one, that's for sure)?

The world of writing is one of infinete possibilities. And ball sucking to get noticed. Figuratively, for the most part.

Anonymous 6579

>>6578
I kinda agree, This thread might as well just straight out say 'Pay this guy to get on eqd'

Would be more of a help than anything else, the fandom doesn't give a shit about quality.

Is it even possible to write so crappy that nobody will take the time to at least laugh at how much you suck? Just dumping it out on Fimfiction means that somebody will go to the effort of pointing out that you suck and why.

Or they could just give in their fic to eqd, where guys with the same 'credentials' will look over it and usually give a half decent review for free. Or is Vimbert here one of the guys who just gives a one line email saying that you suck?

Anonymous 6581

>>6579
Pretty much. He knows what flies, what doesn't, and will tell you what to fix so you can.

Anonymous 6582

>>6581
Anyone who browses fimfiction or eqd can tell what flies.
I think its basically this order.

Clop>Romance=sad>comedy>slice of life>everything else.

Outliers exist, but that is basically how it goes. Although clop is a bit different, although clop would get a lot of views, it won't reach the kind of notoriety anything else will. So it could be disregarded.

A few more decent guidelines are to avoid originality, avoid ocs and keep it fluffy as possible.

I can't think of anything thta Vimbert can give that you can't get for free.

Anonymous 6583

>>6582
>>6582
And you can go look for it where it is, very much like how you can get free medicine, just go outside and get the neccesary plants. This is merely more convinient and has a proven track-record.

Anonymous 6585

>>6583
I think it would be more difficult to whip up your own homemade medicine than it is to go read some well-received fanfiction.

I just told you the track record, I even told you where to go to see it happen.

Anonymous 6587

>>6585
Well-received=/= good, however, as the fact I still fend off people when I dare say My Little Dashie was mediocre.

Anonymous 6588

>>6587
MLD was mediocre, but it clearly was doing something right.

Anonymous 6589

>>6588
Pandering?

Anonymous 6590

>>6589
Pretty much, but that's apparently what the fandom wants and finds enjoyable.

6612

>>6578
Maybe people who spend thousands of dollars worth of their time writing?

This thread makes me laugh. And weep bitter tears. And laugh again. Welcome back to the world of /fic/, Wings…

Vimbert, glad to hear you're not gone. All your time for EqD, now *that* would be the dark side.

Anonymous 6614

>>6612
Did you just say that people who would want vimbert would also write for a living?

You might have misjudged the kind of people here, I doubt any of them write professionally and the ones that do can probably find someone with better credentials than an eqd pre reader.

Tactical 6620

>>6612

Bro, I MISSED you. Come hang with the cool ponies in the dark recesses of the comment sections of stuff with fucked up content.

Anonymous 7071

Wow. So much hate in here.

The question is, does Vimbert have something to offer that the "free" reviewers don't? If not, then the argument that it's not worth the money is valid.

If you don't want to pay, then don't pay, but I see no reason to resort to petty insults and derogatory comments.

7073

>>7071
Exactly. If people don't value a competent review at $2 / 1k words, it's not like this thread is forcing them to buy anything. They're still free to take the crapshoot of quality available in TTG.


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