Order is random, generated by a RNG.Worth It:
It’s hot, and Sweetie Belle hates her cat. Rusty in the Giddyup:
Although it’s not really hers, since Rarity brought her in first.
The errors are the first things to stand out in this one, especially the random tense shifts.
And while the situation is kinda fun to imagine (it did bring a smirk to my lips), and the author does attempt to capture that feeling of childish mischief, including the “I don’t know why I did it, lol” conclusion, the narration never goes deep enough, and sometimes word choice even works against immersion.
All in all, this really needed more time for editing.
A stallion finds the mare of his dreams. Unfortunately for him.Pareidoilia:
The title just makes me giggle, and I’m not sure why. Teehee.
The reveal was hilarious enough, and utilized a random visual gag from the show in a great way. I did have fun reading this, but I feel that more humor could have been stretched from the joke. As it is, this is more of a long anecdote than a proper story, although that’s not really an issue in a minific contest.
One thing I will note is that the tonal shift, while appropriate for the comedic reveal, is a bit too sudden, mostly due to the awkward stretching and overdescription in the beginning.
Still, a good entry overall.
Pinkie Pie really got into doilies.Glass Creations:
Had to google the title, my reference didn’t have the word. The dictionary’s fault, really.
While the narrative voice was a good attempt at capturing Pinkie’s personality, there wasn’t really much story to this piece, and it certainly doesn’t have a plot. Once I realized what it was, this fic read as another one of a veritable million of other sad fics that merely present the situation without really trying to capture emotion. Yeah, okay, five out of six friends are dead, so what? I’m sorry to say, but it was cliché, and did try anything else.
That said, the prose itself wasn’t bad at all, so points for that.
A cry for attention by a disgruntled A Trick of Memory:
fanfic author glassblower.
I don’t know what to think of this. I’m honestly not sure. Allegory definitely has its place in fiction, but it cannot be rightly placed with more… sincere pieces? On the one hand, subtlety and aesthetics are paramount, and on the other, the sentiment expressed is not untrue.
In the end, this fic tried to present a political (for a certain meaning of the word) point first and elicit an emotional reaction second, something better done in an essay form than prose, so I cannot rightly judge it too well. That is compounded by a less-than-stellar execution. No errors really stood out, but the main character was, from the very start, more of an authorial mouthpiece and/or stand-in than a proper character. As a result, no emotional connection could be made, which was probably one purpose of this piece.
All I can say is that I certainly hope that the author does not feel like the character of his or her story, for it is a frustrating way to feel and the wrong attitude to have.
Gilda and Pinkie hang out in the clouds.Trixie’s Revenge:
It took me some time to realize that Dash gave Gilda the Element of Loyalty, presumably after something had happened to her. I’m not sure that that’s how it works.
While Gilda had a convincing enough voice, I really couldn’t hear Pinkie in this at all. Too wordy, to precise, too obvious. This was an interesting idea that really needed more deliberation. The wordcount is, indeed, very limited, but the whole introduction was taken up by an exchange of jokes that had nothing to do with the story. And speaking of which, the narrative voice isn’t entirely up to par, especially in the beginning, feeling too obtuse and telly.
All that said, I did like it, and the concept certainly has potential.
Trixie vs. a wheel.Remember?:
There, that’s the whole joke. And, unlike better single-joke entries, it’s not told well enough to be funny. The voice and mechanics, especially with the inner monologue, completely killed this story. The tone doesn’t even attempt to set a comedic atmosphere, and the narrative was too sequential, too ordinary to engage with prose alone.
I’m sorry, but this piece was a dud.
Celestia is sick, Twilight is tyrant.A Chance Meeting:
Or, at least, I think so. This fic achieves a pretty interesting effect: showing a lot and yet keeping the reader completely in the dark. On the surface, it appears that Celestia fell ill, either naturally or through artificial means, and Twilight rules in her stead as a tyrant. How did this happen? Was the oppression necessary due to some hostile outside influence, or is it just Twilight putting on the Reich? Where’s Luna? The answers are never given, so we are forced to invent explanations by ourselves. And in accordance with Occam’s Razor, the simplest explanation is first: Twilight’s gone full Caligula, ponies are stormtrooper’d in the streets to supply leather for jackboots, and Luna’s locked away as the woobie she is. I’m sorry, but that’s what I make of it.
Another thing is point of view. Were this written from Celestia’s POV, we’d be treated to a deeper sense of mystery, more interesting details, and, possibly, an interesting stylistic effect due to her mental condition. But this Twilight’s POV, and instead of all that, the previously mentioned problem is compounded, as we expect the viewpoint character to be sincere with the reader, or at least a bit more clear.
I love stories that ask questions, not those that leave crucial details in the dark. Harsh, but I’m afraid that that’s my verdict.
Inky is Octavia.The Battle of Checkerboard Field:
There isn’t much to this besides a scene exploring the old “Inky is Octavia” trope. Although I think the proper spelling is “Inkie,” like “Pinkie.” There is nothing interesting happening and the narrative voice is awkward and obstructive. Not much else to say.
By the way, it’s not a chance meeting if Pinkie asked Inkie to come.
I’ve said it many times, and I’ll say it again: action, by itself, is not enough to carry a story. And this fic was nothing more than a description of a game of chess, turn-by-turn, no less. Although the SFX were kinda epic, which makes me wonder if that was Vinyl’s (?) imagination or an enchanted chess set, and if it’s the latter, I totally want one.
But even the colorful narration can’t make this interesting. For one, it made some parts confusing, and trying to imagine a game of chess using only descriptions is immensely hard. It’s impossible to know where any piece is, and that’s kind of the whole source of tension in the game.
Of course, a chess game can be a part of a scene, but only when there’s something more to give it weight. Going in, I thought there would be some character tension between Octavia and Vinyl, and the game would demonstrate that, but no such thing materialized.
All in all, the only thing that gives this any interest is the descriptions, which, looking back at it, kind of remind me of Heroes of Might and Magic.
Celestia departs into the effervescent ethereal voids while Twilight meditates upon the concatenation of her verisimilitude.More Than Tradition:
This is the shortest fic in the write-off, yet the time it took me to read it felt like a crawl. This is a good example of purple prose, especially in the beginning. The fic attempts to woo us with big words and mystic descriptions, without really trying to explain anything. Especially the ending: what was that? I understand that the author was going for something, but here’s a tip: don’t be coy, and don’t try to be more beautiful than you are. Interest in fiction comes from the ideas presented and the way they are presented, not from foggy what-is-happenings and what-could-have-beens. Don’t be coy, don’t be purple, and you’ll be on your way to improvement. And always be proud of trying.
Spike and Twilight write letters.A Mistake from the Past:
Interesting, but there’s that feeling of not-quite getting there with the substance of the story. What is Spike the king of, and how did he get there? Why and where did he transfer all that gold? (Surely not simply to fit in doors?) What happened to the others? I presume they’re all dead, but that would be a very simple and cliché explanation, while the little details like Spike’s rapid size change show that this story can be more clever than that.
Another thing is dialogue, which was a chore to follow due to being cryptic and mundane at the same time.
In the end, it’s not a bad try, but it needs some more imaginative mulching.
Rarity X Tom.A Chance Encounter on Route 66:
I admit, I thought it was Spike at first. Before his first italicized “reply” to her.
It’s a single-joke story, like many others, but it fails fundamentally in the execution. Not on the prose level like some other one-joke stories (though there were grammar errors), but in the approach taken. There’s just too much “serious romance fic” in this, and not in the deadpan delivery sort of way. It was like the joke was told by Robert Pattison, when it should have been told by Leslie Nielsen. In fact, I would have been fine with Nick Cage, too.
Wild Fire meets… wait, what?Guiding Light:
Oh god it can’t be her. I know who wrote this. I know wrote this so hard.
I could tell from the beginning that it would be a fun ride, and it was. The horse puns at the start zoomed past at eighty miles per hour, but were a fun piece of scenery while they lasted. But the moment the second pony wheels over, the concept becomes clear, and it turns out to be hilarious all the way to the finish line. I understand that it’s a meme that will become unfunny faster than a Ford assembly line spits out another Focus, but right now, it made me laugh.
Kudos, I liked spectating this. Honk Honk
Celestia remembers a funny story from Twilight’s time in the castle, before getting yoinked by NMM.Old Friends:
Oh dear, I’m not liking the amount of mistakes in this. Some proofreading is necessary here.
There are two concepts at play here, or maybe even three: Celestia thinking about Twilight before the events of the first episode, the funny scene with Twilight’s little secret, and suddenly, Twilestia. The problem is that the first thing doesn’t go well with the other two, and it happens precisely at the point when Celestia agrees to let Twilight court her. I feel like there was genuine potential in the “Twilight venerates Celestia as a goddess” concept, if it was shamelessly played for comedy, but the weird blend of sad/romance just doesn’t work in this context.
I will give you a point for attempting to spice up your prose. Even with all the grammar problems, it still felt a bit fresher and less straining than many other entries.
Twilight meets Rainbow for dinner, and a sad revelation.
The writing was very good and kept a consistent, plausible tone. The prose flowed at a delightful pace and I liked the descriptions. Twilight’s and Rainbow’s emotions were portrayed well.
But at the same time, I felt like I didn’t have the emotional connection that this sort of situation called for, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it was the fairly bare-bones setting, or the general atmosphere. It could also be the unspoken assumption that Twilight was spared from aging, unlike her friends, which I always dislike. But I recognize that it’s a purely subjective view, and won’t let that affect my vote, as the execution made the story worth reading.
Oh, but the ending bit didn’t work for me, at all. Weather as a metaphor for emotions is just too cliché for my tastes, subjective or not. But otherwise, good entry.