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File: 1368617092683.jpg (340.59 KB, 1000x665, 4f627c7115.jpg)

War of the Poets 5470

The Submission Round is now complete. All poems can be found at https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oFEd3FSL3kUfNzVF9INCBSWVZPbk-2i3uT-LWlbzIDw. Voting begins Wednesday, May 22nd at 5 AM GMT.

The Voting Round has begun! Vote here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1PK-MBpZrMhLFoDSjXEyXAs-Xf5C81QhHW-zeBxZ9uJI/viewform. It ends Saturday, May 25th, at 5 AM GMT.

Let us play a game.
Come on now; it will be fun.
The best poet wins.


So I proposed the other day in the IRC a rather unique idea. We've all participated in writeoffs before, whether for longer fics, drabbles, or other little tidbits, but to my knowledge we've never had a competition that channels the spirit of rhyme and meter.

So! I propose that we have a Poetry Writeoff—a "War of the Poets," if you will. There seemed to be some interest on the IRC when I brought it up, so I hope it gets some participation. What are the rules?

1.) Submissions begin Friday, May 17th at 5 AM GMT, and end on Monday, May 19th at 5 AM GMT.
2.) There will be no required topic or idea. If it's poni, and you want to write about it, go ahead.
3.) There will likewise be no required format. Limerick? Free verse? Iambic pentameter? Haiku? If you want to use it, feel free.
4.) You can submit as many poems as you like. I'll be making a compendium of them all at the end, we'll vote on our favorites, and if people want to, we can post the compilation on FimFic.
5.) Don't worry if you think you can't write poetry. What matters isn't whether your work will make it into Reader's Digest, but whether you have fun doing it, and whether it gets you interested in a new form of writing which, after all, is what /fic/ is all about, right?

So! Sign up below if you're interested, if you have an idea for the writeoff, or if you just want to call me a moron. Either one works.

Hope to see you there!
This post was edited by its author on .

Limericks 5471

And here I just wrote some. I think I used up all my poetic musings in that one burst…

EDIT: Nope. I found some more.
This post was edited by its author on .

5472

File: 1368638296884.jpg (41.43 KB, 439x462, 9842006_gal.jpg)

>Either one works.

Ah, but I wanted to do both.

Oh well, just sign me up, then. I'm all over this like hot on a fire.

Tactical 5473

I'm down for this like Applejack going down for–

I'm all over this.

5477

File: 1368787607687.gif (101.59 KB, 1280x720, 214392__safe_twilight-sparkle_…)

In case you guys didn't realize, this writeoff is now open!

Here's the submission form for completed poems: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/16iLDX-AdO9rHVih_mIUHdeloaGzsHa0GgN8mB2m_uNA/viewform. Good luck, guys!

5479

Count me in. Any reason there's no author space on the form?

5480

File: 1368893590251.gif (507.6 KB, 475x333, mlfw5106-030.gif)

>>5479
There's no author space because I'll be voting too, and I want no bias in the voting process. We'll use a trust system to identify who wrote what before I release the voting results.

Oh, and for the record, guys?

>if it's poni

Implies that your poem must, in some way, relate to MLP:FiM. Submitting meta poems about how you suck at haikus doesn't count.
>pic

5481

File: 1368894812539.gif (514.55 KB, 500x500, 372.gif)

>>5480
And let me clarify this with a copypasta from the IRC:

"12:19 Golden_Vision: And that's semi-acceptable; it's not reeeeaaally pone, but it's okay because it can fit in either one.
12:19 Golden_Vision: But something that's just a meta haiku is a no go :P
12:19 Golden_Vision is exercising some discretion
12:19 Doseux: Ahkay. I'll keep that in mind.
12:19 Golden_Vision hopes that's okay
12:20 Golden_Vision: Basically, if your poem can describe a fanfic, it's fine
12:20 Golden_Vision: You don't need to namedrop "Manehattan" to write a fic about Babs Seed"

Anonymous 5482

File: 1368895006790.jpg (16.44 KB, 234x181, IdiotBall.jpg)

>>5480
Mm… one quick thing.

I wrote "The Traveller" and I believe I described the last foot of each line as an amphibrach. It's actually an anapest (or, more accurately, a bacchius). Just wanted to clarify that.
This post was edited by its author on .

5483

>>5480
>I want no bias in the voting process.
You could have made the author column in your spreadsheet the some font colour as the background.

Alternative solution would be to ask for a passphrase of some kind to verify identity as a fallback in case of dispute.

5484

File: 1368895785812.jpg (107.97 KB, 499x368, You_stop_that.jpg)

>>5483
>logic

5485

File: 1368900702505.gif (808.4 KB, 207x207, 1vj1DPV.gif)

>>5484
Well, since people don't know who wrote what yet, they could claim their poem in here under a pseudonym and a tripcode.

dolfeus!doseuxbE3s 5486

File: 1368901877772.jpg (33.66 KB, 341x425, 3207400_gal.jpg)

>>5485
This idea, it is good.

Is thing we should be doing?

5487

File: 1368902221974.gif (538.16 KB, 500x281, iVXKndWKA0C3BhGIh-LQBg2.gif)

>>5485
>>5486
Do it, fillies.

Submitted 5488

Twilight Limerick
Mane Haiku
The Hidden Door
This post was edited by its author on .

Submissions Yum!v2OsyXDXw2 5489

Her
The Traveller
Affliction

Also, Affliction is best read with this music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prnJl8OvMm4
This post was edited by its author on .

5490

Cooking Haiku.

Submitting Nohaikuforme,thanks!hS9ZjLM/uE 5491

The Finale

5493

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I'm starting on a new poem, but I'm not sure if I'll get it done by the deadline.

If I do, however, be prepared for an epic. Literally.

PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5494

Eclipse
Redmane Lightbringer

>>5489
Eclipse goes rather well with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2jBEB8YepQ

Han Yolo!252kZveFIw 5495

File: 1368939848335.png (28.96 KB, 1200x600, ADTWO13.png)

What Rules a Ruler

Narrative Poetry, I guess?

5507

File: 1368983894756.gif (931.25 KB, 500x281, eMMXXEmXAEKXnTq2OJiOcg2.gif)

Less than twelve hours left! Check back here at 5 AM GMT to get a GoogleDoc holding all of the poems in one big compilation.

Whit Sunday!OO8.KPGigM 5509

File: 1369010062109.jpg (234.21 KB, 896x1178, charles_spurgeon.jpg)

I did Gospel.

PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5513

I also did North and A Shining Shield.

Anonymous 5514

I got a rock.

Nohaikuforme,thanks!hS9ZjLM/uE 5515

Add "The Prophecy" to that list of mine.

Daggett!SOjiI1Ah8. 5516

The Element of Generosity
What Do You Think, Applejack?
A Filly's Guardian
Hidden Kindness
Changing of the Guard
Muffins!
Derping by Muffin on a Hungry Afternoon

Hi GV Anonymous 5517

You're a moron.

Anonymous 5518

>Monday, May 19th
Welp, contest ends in 2014

Submissions Round: Over! 5520

File: 1369022542183.gif (668.56 KB, 500x267, v6m1TeXOrUqzYAmlFZ7EQw2.gif)

So that's it, guys. All in all, I received a stunning twenty six pieces, including seven haiku and nineteen "normal" poems. We've got everything from iambic dimeter to quatrain poems, if you'll kindly take a look.

The poems can be found compiled together at: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oFEd3FSL3kUfNzVF9INCBSWVZPbk-2i3uT-LWlbzIDw.

Feel free to leave reviews or thoughts on each poem here in the thread (likely in pseudonym, as in Writeoffs). Voting will begin on Wednesday, May 22nd at 5 AM GMT, and end on Friday at the same time.

Happy reading, everyone!
This post was edited by its author on .

Daggett!SOjiI1Ah8. 5521

Aw, man. My description got severely truncated. For those that don't get the reference, "Derping by Muffin on a Hungry Afternoon" is a play on Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening."

WestWind 5522

Did my poem (prism) get rejected? Admittedly, it was stupid…

5523

>>5522
Sorry; I must've missed it. It's going up now.

Whit Sunday!OO8.KPGigM 5524

Ladies, gents, other.

So commenceth this great day, a venerable casting of votes in a glorious gladiatorial combat of words!

Such is the magnificence, the old spirituals come to mind:

"Free at last, free at last! To spill, to kill, to love the smell of bile in the air!"

Or was that really how that went?

Nevermind, then, but I will be reading these and possibly putting up my thoughts on a few.

## Mod 5525

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>>5517
>>5518
Let's keep on topic, please.

5526

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By the way, guys, remember that if you're reviewing any poems (which I highly recommend), that you do it under your pseudonym, so as to not pass suspicion on who wrote which poem.

Reviews PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5527

File: 1369068931138.jpg (69.62 KB, 640x480, 000034_twilight__s_homework_by…)

Welp, guess I'll get started on some reviews, then.

Twilight's Tale (Limericks)
I enjoyed this. It seemed both witty and intelligent, and painted an entertaining picture of Twilight's journey through seasons 1-3. I think my favorite stanza was the first. Overall, pretty darn good, though there were several instances where I wondered if the meter actually fit.

Her (Minimalist Idyll)
I liked the first, second, and fourth lines. "Red tear" didn't really seem to work, though—I don't think there was a problem with her mane, nor that it was one that would require L'Oréal shampoo to fix. (Teer) doesn't rhyme with (tair), and it loses some of the effect, in my opinion.

Darkness of the Soul (Free Verse)
I felt like "thornéd" was a bit pretentious and unnecessary. Otherwise, I think I got the overall message of the poem (his former "love"—the rose—is dead or lost to him, but he's finally realizing that he can be free), which I thought worked well, including any (I guess purposeful) suicidal overtones.

The Traveller (Iambic Dimeter)
Okay, I really don't think this was dimeter. The meter was Dun-dun-Dun-dun-Dun-dun-Dun, which (I believe) makes it akin to something between a Trimeter and Tetrameter. Regardless, the language was fairly nice, and I liked the idea that a "map has its own high fee," and the imagery of "ebon, dying shore." The meter wasn't really consistent, though, and the rhyme once or twice suffered or didn't exist.

Twilight's Discomfort (Iambic Pentameter)
I think this is also tetrameter, not pentameter. God, people—get your meters right. I think the overall voice and tone throughout were very good: kind of a more Classical-feeling Twilight (which I enjoyed). It tells a good story, and I thought it was a fun read. I'll note that it was somewhat similar to "Twilight's Tale" from earlier on: I guess Twilight's initial journey(s) was a popular topic to write on.
This post was edited by its author on .

Anonymous 5529

Might as well start on a few observations, but more structural and technical. Will look at story later when I'm ready to vote.

Twilight's Tale
Pretty clever, but the rhythms can get awkward. Limericks have a bit of leeway there, but they can be deceptively difficult to do well. These aren't bad for the limited time frame.

Eclipse
Hm. Broke your meter. Your second line is already missing a syllable. And again in the second stanza. And a few more later on… Gotta be careful with that. Nice imagery here, though.

The Traveller
These aren't iambs. With the stressed syllable first, they're trochees, and quite a few of the lines have one too few or too many syllables.

Twilight's Discomfort
Iambic pentameter? I see a dearth of iambs and no pentameter…

Limericks and Longjohns
Ooh… "See" is a weak rhyme there, as you'd prefer to get the stresses matched, too.

Mane Haiku
Well. I'm a little confused. Haiku as done in the Western world are typically 5-7-5, where you've gone 7-5-7. Oversight or deliberate? That said, there are alternate forms, and the original Japanese dealt with structures not quite like syllables, not always keeping to a set number of them, either. So I'll have to allow that this isn't necessarily wrong, unless it was by mistake.

Affliction
I'm not that familiar with all of these forms. It might have helped to identify what type of sonnet. Villanelles are actually a form I like, and I see two stanzas that have a repetition reminiscent of one, but it's not quite there. Were you going for the strict form, or just using a bit of a homage to the format?

North
Lines 1-3: 3.5 trochees
Line 4: Yay!

A Shining Shield
These are all 3.5 trochees, except the last line, which is… off. Not an iamb to be found.

Redmane Lightbringer
Missed a syllable on the middle line, assuming you're going for 5-7-5.

The rest all seem structurally sound, or are forms I'm not familiar enough with to gauge.

Responses Yum!v2OsyXDXw2 5530

File: 1369103388035.png (593.12 KB, 1280x720, Princess_Celestia_S1E05.png)

Whew boy, apparently I have some ‘splaining to do.

>>5527
> I liked the first, second, and fourth lines. "Red tear" didn't really seem to work, though—I don't think there was a problem with her mane, nor that it was one that would require L'Oréal shampoo to fix. (Teer) doesn't rhyme with (tair), and it loses some of the effect, in my opinion.

I don’t know what dialect you speak, but in mine the word “tear,” meaning “A hole or split in something caused by it having been pulled apart forcefully,” does indeed rhyme with hair, stare, and mare. I will leave it up to the readers’ ingenuity as to what aspect of the womanly figure that could possibly refer to.

>Okay, I really don't think this was dimeter. The meter was Dun-dun-Dun-dun-Dun-dun-Dun, which (I believe) makes it akin to something between a Trimeter and Tetrameter. Regardless, the language was fairly nice, and I liked the idea that a "map has its own high fee," and the imagery of "ebon, dying shore." The meter wasn't really consistent, though, and the rhyme once or twice suffered or didn't exist.


>>5529
> These aren't iambs. With the stressed syllable first, they're trochees, and quite a few of the lines have one too few or too many syllables.

I originally intended The Traveller to be two iambic feet and one bacchius, rhyming in an A, B, A, B format. While the most accurate model for the poem as it is now would be trimeter with two trochees and an anapest, I still think the iambic model works:

lear-Y / sai-LOR / out to SEA,
lost. HE / does NOT / know the WAY.
ev’ry MAP / has ITS / own high FEE.
words WROUGHT / with SONG / shall he BRAY.

wear-Y / wan-DER / -er wind-ED
by LONG / pro-MEN / -ades ‘CROSS yes, this should by "across"
the EB / -on DY / -ing shore, FED
by HIS / wan-ING, / sorr-y SONG.

nar-Y / shall HIS / feet fal-TER,
nor HIS / breath QUI / -et on A
for-EIGN / word, THOUGH / the hal-TER
strains AND / the WIND / stirs the FAU-NA And yes, this line does have one extra syllable

Two lines fall outside the A, B, A, B format (cross and song do not rhyme), while one rhyme is taboo in formal verse (“on a” and “fauna”). However, I am using no formal construction, and therefore am within the allowable violations of the form. (This model also apparently requires the first words of each stanza to rhyme [masculinely], though this I did not intend.)

>>5529
>I'm not that familiar with all of these forms. It might have helped to identify what type of sonnet. Villanelles are actually a form I like, and I see two stanzas that have a repetition reminiscent of one, but it's not quite there. Were you going for the strict form, or just using a bit of a homage to the format?

The sonnet is the Shakespearian and not the Italian form. It is easily identifiable as the narrator is given it exclusively, and it has no quotations around it.

Celestia has the villanelle, and the form is followed closely:

“Worry not, Dearest Sister, maiden of the Moon.
I feel the changing of the tides.
We shall find help soon.”

“Speak, magician. From wince was this affliction hewn?
I shall not rest until in me he confides.
Worry not, Dearest Sister, maiden of the Moon.”

“So ends the afternoon,
As upon the sky the Sun swiftly slides.
We shall find help soon.”

“Let us hope the others are immune.
I hope we find the rule or reason by which it abides.
Worry not, Dearest Sister, maiden of the Moon.”

“The verdict of the doctors I impugn.
With my own sentiment it collides.
We shall find help soon.”

“For you, in a heartbeat, my honor is strewn.
But our hearts this alone divides.”
“Worry not, Dearest Sister, maiden of the Moon.
We shall find help soon.”

My sources did not cite any set meter for the villanelle, so I dealt with it freely.

You likely mistook the roundel (from the mage) for an homage to the villanelle. And while the roundel has many forms and variations considering its substantial history, I used the preferred modern pattern, such as was used by Samuel Minturn Peck in “Before the Dawn.”

The other poem, the Sestina, was given to Luna. It’s an absolute nightmare to write, and I had to abandon the syllabic constraint in order for her lines to gel with the rest of the poem.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sestina)

Anonymous 5531

>The sonnet is the Shakespearian and not the Italian form.
I wasn't limiting the possibilities to those two kinds.

You caught me on the Villanelle. I was looking for something else, not sure what, and missed it in plain sight.

> However, I am using no formal construction, and therefore am within the allowable violations of the form.

Maybe I'm just too much of a hardliner, but those are some odd stresses to make it work as iambic. And then identifying it as something so specific when it takes liberties… it's like writing a Clerihew and calling it free verse because you can bend the definition of free verse enough to wedge it in there. I mean, the content's more important, so I wouldn't skewer you on form, but… why not call a duck a duck?

Anonymous 5534

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>>5531
Mm… Just because a syllable was dropped and one added? I don't think a form I devised in the span of half an hour is sacred enough to forbid such a thing; that being the case, however, I agree that it's trochaic, I just didn't see that when I wrote it. Whether or not you noticed it, my first two submissions had the least of thought put into their formation.

PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5540

>>5529
I wrote Eclipse, North, A Shining Shield, and Redmane Lightbringer. Seems I just slapped the "iambic" title on there without really knowing what I was doing. Thanks—genuinely—for educating me on what a trochee was. Now that I actually know what to call what I've been doing, I can be more creative with it.

Oh, and by the way, "every" has three syllables (ev-uh-ry), so that middle line is actually correct (in Redmane).

>>5530
Huh. I didn't get the "red tear" at the time. I guess that makes sense. I thought you'd be referring to fabric; I didn't imagine it applying to an anatomical tear.

Also, totally calling you as Tactical.
This post was edited by its author on .

5550

File: 1369228378423.gif (94.29 KB, 500x270, tumblr_m745f5bG8w1raix1ao1_500…)

The Voting Round has begun! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1PK-MBpZrMhLFoDSjXEyXAs-Xf5C81QhHW-zeBxZ9uJI/viewform

All votes must be in by Saturday, May 25th at 5 AM GMT.

Moar Reviews PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5551

Limericks & Longjohns (Limerick Tale)
I really liked this one, conceptually. Though the meter was a bit off in several places, it was definitely original, and was a fun read overall. I think the last line is my favorite (which is probably what you intended).

Mane Haiku (Haiku)
I…guh. Aside from a singular fault in a middle line (six syllables instead of five), I didn't find anything wrong with this piece on a technical level (though it's interesting you went with 7-5-7 instead of the usual 5-7-5). On my second read through, I got that each of the stanzas was about one of the Mane Six—and knew which one was which, to boot—but I couldn't help but feel like the whole thing was just trying too hard. In my mind, big, impressive SAT words took the place of readability and actual imagery, which made for a rather bothersome read.

What Rules a Ruler? (Free Verse)
I might question some of your language or diction (recuperates? eh), but I do like the overall message you came up with, as well as the overall structure of the poem. Nice use of free verse here.

Affliction (Ode)
So what I got from this was that some uncuttable disease began the descent of Nightmare Moon. Or something along those lines. I can't really say anything about the meter or technical skill, as I know absolutely nothing about the forms listed here, but it was…interesting.

The Finale (Quatrain Poem)
This was a fun read. I think I got down a few of which stanza meant which villain…Discord, the Windigo, Sombra, Nightmare Moon, and…a dragon? I don't know. You broke your meter several times, by the way, which made some lines a bit awkward to read.

>>5550
I'll get to voting as soon as I'm done reviewing all these (which shouldn't take too long).

The Poem Nazi cometh Present!PeRFeCt9JM 5560

You should all be ashamed. Just as not every person who can string two words together can write a story, so too can not every fiction writer write poetry. I told GV I wasn't interested in this contest, but then I saw the voting was open and I do so like voting, so now you have to deal with my extremely disgruntled views on all your awful poetry.

Because most of it was awful, let me just get that out of the way.

The point of meter and rhyme is to impose a structure through which an idea can then be interpreted. If you're not going to follow your own rules, why even bother having them in the first place? Anyway, that's probably why I hated your poem unless you're one of the two or three actual poets lurking in this crop of crap.

Hopefully I have gotten you riled up so that you won't be surprised by my comments. I have not been kind in the least. Here we go.

Twilight's Tale
Oh, so you just decided to rewrite the entire show as a limerick? Droll. While I'm amused at your two-line summary of season two, this is quite dull as rehashes go, and your meter breaks down toward the end, to say nothing of your grammar. "Helps friend indeed"? Come on. 4/10, could be worse.

Her
Brave. The third line is where this falls down, however (well, aside from being about nothing in particular). For starters, I read that as "a drop of water coming from the eye", which rhymes with "fear". On reflection, that's actually not a bad thing; AABA rhyme in an 8 syllable poem spices things up a bit. But now I don't know how I'm supposed to read it at all. If read the first way, non-rhyming, then this pony (I'm going to assume it's Fluttershy) is crying blood. That's emo and dumb. If read it to rhyme, as I feel may have been the intent, it could mean all kinds of things. Is she perhaps wearing a red dress that has been torn? Is it blood again, suggesting the "soft stare" is because her eyes no longer see? Did you kill Fluttershy, you monster? Or am I supposed to focus on the final line and read that as something rather crass? I have no idea. More thought needs to be given to that third line, as the poem obviously hangs on it. 5/10, nice try.

Darkness of the Soul
Nice title, real deep. Darkness, check. Soul, check. Bloody rose, check. Poem about dying, check. Single mention of "hoof" to make it ostensibly ponies, check. "Thornéd", we got a winner. 2/10, cheer up, emo kid.

Eclipse
Watch out, we're dealing with an iambic tetrameter badass here! Okay, the first line works, sounds like a ballad or something, I can deal, but oh, wait! Wait, what's this? There are only seven syllables in the second line! EEERNT, WRONG! Gold and crown are both strongly accented, way to kill the meter. Why "Celest"? I mean, I got that this was about Celestia after the first stanza, but that sounds silly, especially given that "Celestia" is iambic. It gets worse when we hit "Lune awakes"; why not just "Luna wakes"? Simpler, sounds better, shame about the lead-in syllable. Stars and starlight? Isn't one of those implied? She turns death to life, really? Pretty sure that's not canon. Eww, and you're suggesting that Discord sneezed them out or something, what's with that? "A gentle death"? So you're saying Luna is death. That's gotta be weird when Celestia breathes on her. "Earth" is missing a lead-in syllable. "Perfection is an empty stage", kind of like this line. Fourth missing syllable: "Light and life". Also needs more colons. Missing syllable number five! "True Nightmare" breaks meter. Turth? Charity? What the hell is Charity? Ain't no pony ever heard of no Element of Charity, what is this? Sealed away, number six. Damn, and that's it. I was hoping we'd lose a whole line. Oh well, chin up, it's neither awful nor unsalvageable, you've got that going for you. 5/10, it's pretty and doesn't suck.

The Traveller
Now you're just fucking with me. "Its own high fee?" One too many words there, bucko. Oh no, stop, what are you doing? That next line is like poetry Jenga, just falling to pieces as I read. And bray, really? Donkeys aren't allowed on ships, didn't you know that? They aren't even citizens! What the hell is going on in this second stanza? Utter anarchy, that's what! No meter, no rhyme (well, okay it's ABAC but nobody fucking does that), doesn't make a single lick of sense. This is awful. "On a". Why is this line ending in "on a"? Why are you trying to rhyme "on a" with "fauna"? For that matter, why would you set yourself up to use a 7-syllable style and then not use it? 2/10, try harder.

Twilight's Discomfort
Why did you elide "and"? Okay, and do you understand the meaning of "pentameter"? It means "five syllables per line". This is four syllables followed by three. It's not a bad meter to use, but you've mislabeled it. And that first line – you realize I haven't really moved past it yet – is just awful. Metrically, it's an-it-PLEASED-her-an-SO-i-FLEW, or anapest, anapest, iamb. You can't just jam the words into the meter and expect it to work. Same with WHETH-er-the-PATH-was-ONE-i-KNEW, which starts with a trochee. At least it's closer to what you're trying for. Ending that stanza in the middle of a sentence is a colossally poor decision. There's an awful lot of excess words here, just taking up space for the sake of keeping rhyme and meter. At least you're trying? Tell me, right now, what a winnow-fan is, the last time you used it in conversation, and how tribulation can have one. I'm waiting. SCALED-com-PAN-ion-and-I. Not even a "my" at the front to get enough syllables? Right now, I am imagining a picture: Buzz Lightyear dressed as Santa Claus, Woody played by William Shakespeare, and the caption is "Anapests; anapests everywhere." "A chance to learn I'd spy"? No. Oh, and now I see this is just like the first poem, except it's not limericks. Riveting. The horrors you are wreaking upon the meter in the these last few stanzas is honestly making my head hurt. 4/10, not terrible, but not interesting either.

Limericks & Longjohns
Okay, right off the bat, you have to accent the last syllable in "chubby" to make it work. Strike one. And then again with "pastry", strike two. Woods/goods with could; strike two and a half. Three hundred degree oil, ohh, too many syllables! Strike three! Writing about Donut Joe is nice and all, but come on, limericks are not this difficult! 3/10, at least it's got donuts.

Mane Haiku
This had better be fucking perfect. 7-5-7? What is this shit? You are so fired from poetry. No, you don't get severance pay. Also, if you don't include a word that invokes a season, it's not really a haiku. Okay, well, you've kind of given up on the whole "haiku" thing completely, so let's look at what's actually here. I can say it's remarkably consistent. The Dash one is… dumb. The Rarity one is better, it's evocative, it's got imagery, not bad. The next one is Fluttershy, I'm not getting "grim scrutiny" here, since all I can relate that to is The Stare. Applejack's stanza is as boring as she is. Pinkie's is full of big words. Oh look, Twilight's has big words too. At least they fit her. 4/10, I am slightly flabbergasted by the wrongness of this entry.

What Rules a Ruler?
Ooh, is this a riddle? Is the answer "lines"? I'm so clever. This has paragraphs. This is not a poem. What are you doing. Honestly, some line play would serve this wonderfully, don't knock it. If you're gonna free verse, you need to make it look like a poem, I'm serious. I mean, I actually like the language in that first paragraph, but as a story it's too poetic, and as a poem it just looks like it should be a story. "She's king": what? I am not certain the central conceit works, but the buildup is pretty nice. 5/10, a shame about it not being a poem and all.

Affliction
Wait. You're not seriously doing all of those at once. You can't possibly do all of those at once! I'm going to assume you don't know what any of these are. It's "renown". So, she can hardly talk about her pain? I think you mean "bear". What the fuck are all those names. I really wish I could actually follow who was speaking. The single lines, by and large, do not work. The rest of this has a certain rhythm of its own, but almost every single one of those breaks it. And in the end, this feels unfinished. The repeated lines for the most part do work, and while this isn't perfect, you've earned a bit of respect for trying something different. 6/10, I am slightly impressed.

The Finale
"Young fool" does not exactly roll off the tongue there, but one stanza in and you're not doing too badly. If our narrator's hate is "ice-bound", this had better be Sombra talking. "Try and fail" has an extra syllable. "Try then to hide" has lots of extra syllables. Oof, the rest of that stanza; pity. You were doing so well. That "I'll" should not have been contracted, despite there being an extra syllable in that line. "For to me they shall you bind": no, stop, stop! Meter is all wonky in "And know you'll fail". The stanza after that seems completely unnecessary; I'm feeling like things should be wrapping up, and it's not adding anything to the narrative. Okay, so every stanza starts three lines with "Try" and then one with another word; that's good, I like it, and I expected the final stanza to break that. Except that there are two final stanzas, and the final final one seems to be coming from a different narrator. I do not like that one little bit. A strong reveal of the narrator would have been preferable. You tried so hard and got so far, and in the end it didn't even matter. 5/10, so close.

North
Oh good, this one's short. There an extra syllable in the final line, but I think it works. I like this. It sounds like a folk rhyme. It could be sung. I would rate it higher if you hadn't rhymed "blood" with "above". 6/10, good effort.

A Shining Shield
Blood summons crows? That sounds like the worst spell ever. The imagery is good, sure, red foam and bloodied wings and all. This kind of never emerges from that scene, though. I mean, things are suggested by "love back home", for instance, but it's like we look at the top of the picture only for our eyes to go back down to the bottom again. There's no sense of anything existing outside this scene. The italicized refrain lines are eh. 4/10, just okay.

Muffins!
GEE, I WONDER WHO THIS COULD BE ABOUT. You know that should be "dactylic dimeter", right? But wow, that works perfectly. It's light, it's fun, it's got good alliteration and no half-rhymes. It presents and wraps up a single idea and would sound great read aloud. Of course, it also reads a bit like a tongue-twister and I'm not certain that was intentional. 7/10, I genuinely like it.

Gospel
No, stop the… No! You can't just string a bunch of poetic forms together like that! Ugh, well, it worked once, let's see… "Lost souls at whom to shout" is an awful phrase, and obviously just crafted for the rhyme. Nations does not rhyme with skeletons. Who is this "God" of which thou speakest? How can a land be wreathed in gust? "Gust" is a countable noun. You cannot wreathe things in it. Plus that's awful meter. "Tour here is remiss"? This doesn't even make sense. I will say that I like the cross-stanza terza rima vs. kyrielle, it's just that overall, this poem is not good. These words are not words people say, not even close. This is like the worst Zecora dialogue ever, and it's not even really a pony thing. 3/10, does not work in the slightest.

Derping By Muffin on a Hungry Afternoon
I see what you did there. "Sounds pierce silence dear" is a terrible string of words. But I fucking love this. Other than that line, everything works and the structure is reused hilariously. That last note is key, because if this were just filk, I would hate it. It pains me, however, that this is parody and not wholly original, and so I cannot in good conscience award more than a 7/10. I really should not be rewarding this.

The Prophecy
"So now" is superfluous. Wait, groans and shrieks of pain? What? The alliteration is thick with this one. The two lines starting with "Stop them" have far too few syllables. "Has been begun" is not grammatical. 4/10, good try but no.

Through Equestria
What "piece" inspired this? Do we need a YouTube link? There will be points deducted for YouTube links. "Only Equestria"? That doesn't rhyme or meter or anything. Content-wise, it works as an anthem, but I can't help feeling like it would sound awful. 4/10, not interesting.

The Hidden Door
Oh, so this is just iambic, huh? I got my eye on you. The structure in this is really nice, and you paint a decently creepy atmosphere. There's a good bit of dissonance between words though, as you're shoving them together to keep meter, like "what some rogue tried". Read it out loud, you'll see what I mean. "Starred"? WRONG. Definitely more Lovecraft than pony. But again, I love that structure, and you kept it consistent. 6/10, not bad.

Prism
Wow, suddenly shipping at the end. And here I was going to tut-tut at the random Dash-hate. Lots of meter issues, word use issues, especially when it comes to switching to less standard words like "glean" just to fill a rhyme. I'm getting tired of saying the same thing about everyone's poems, but seriously, all these poems have the same problems and this one is no different. At least you got the sonnet form right. 4/10, meh.

Haiku
I assume all these were written by the same person and thus belong together, if not necessarily thematically? Oh wait, I see what's up. Okay. Applejack: cute. Filly: cute in a different way. Guard: decent imagery. Redmane: nice message, but that's 5-6-5, smart guy. Sweetest: uh okay. Element: way to make Rarity out to be worst pony. Winner: Changing of the Guard.

Congratulations, Derpy poems. Those are apparently the best.
This post was edited by its author on .

Tactical 5562

Now I really wish I had taken the time to write something for this, because yeah, I have actually gone through some effort to learn to write poetry recently. Maybe I will, just to talk to PresentPerfect here about it.

Also, yes, this means that not everyone who refers to vaginas is me in disguise. Thank you.

Nohaikuforme,thanks!hS9ZjLM/uE 5563

>>5551

One of those seven is Chrysalis. Guess which one.

>>5560

>Finale


Shoot. I read through this several times, trying to keep that meter under control, and here I went and slapped it silly. It sounded fine in my head when I submitted it, but then again, there’s what sounds right and there’s what is right and I should have done a better job of counting, so complaints by both yourself and the above on my meter duly noted and justified. That will have to be fixed.

I'll also admit, the seventh stanza was an unnecessary moment of me having too much fun adding these characters, and I was wondering whether or not I should remove it while I was apparently failing at trying to rework the rest of the poem so I’d have some decent meter. I really should have ended on the eighth and called it good, but I thought it’d fun to experiment.

As for the narrator swap though, we’ve sort of been doing that throughout the poem, and so the fact that the final one does nothing different in that regard makes no sense as a complaint. Each stanza is a different character, talking about their primary purpose, and the only difference is the purpose of the narrator in the final stanza. They are not talking of who they are, but pleading for the Mane 6 to stop our earlier cast of villains who have just described their primary characteristics.

>Prophecy


As for “Prophecy”, that line about “Groans and shrieks of pain”, as well as “cries of wrath”, was actually an admittedly meta moment. I was having some fun at the fan outcry of this whole “Twilicorn” event, and so I slipped those in there to reference that.

Yum!v2OsyXDXw2 5564

Welp. Here comes Present the Poet Prefect to harsh my mellow, man.

>>5560
>Her is 2 and a half times better than something I spent twice the the time on.

Bah.

I guess I'm glad to see that Affliction's 20% better than my eight-word poem, despite being well over twenty times the difficulty to write.


Gorramit. Math sucks.

Muffins! Dagget!SOjiI1Ah8. 5567

>>5560
>You know that should be "dactylic dimeter", right?
For the name of the meter, yes, but not the form. A double dactyl, or higgledy-piggledy, is the name of a specific format.

Glad you liked it though!
This post was edited by its author on .

Present!PeRFeCt9JM 5570

>>5563
>It sounded fine in my head when I submitted it
In my experience, the more you read your own metered poetry, the more likely you are to convince yourself that the meter is fine. I don't know why it happens, but it happens.

>As for the narrator swap though… Each stanza is a different

wat

Call me dense, but I didn't get that at all. I read the entire thing as being one narrator, and then someone completely different in the final stanza. Wow.

>As for “Prophecy”, that line about “Groans and shrieks of pain”, as well as “cries of wrath”, was actually an admittedly meta moment. I was having some fun at the fan outcry of this whole “Twilicorn” event, and so I slipped those in there to reference that.

It didn't get through well, but I approve.

PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5572

>>5560

>Eclipse

I really need to learn the difference between an iambic and trochaic poem. Thank you (and others) for pointing that out, and for yelling at me to maintain consistency.

Also, for a few things that you may have taken issue with, I was definitely going for a mythological/Homeric kind of feel (hence "Luna = gentle death," even though we ourselves know that alicorn of night ≠ goddess of death). If those didn't work out, then I'm saddened to hear it (and will kick myself for it later).

>North

Glad you liked it. I did think that "blood" and "above" worked okay—call it a postmodernist impulse—but in the end, I'm just glad it worked out overall.

>A Shining Shield

I was trying to go for a contrasting poem, rather than any specific scene: picture a Soviet/Chinese propaganda film that occasionally flickered and revealed bloodspattered battlefields behind the pretty words. It's meant to be about Shining Armor (mostly, though it coud be any soldier) having this very large dichotomy: of an "honorable" soldier defending his love and his family, versus the ugliness and horror of war. Stereotypical, I know.

>Redmane

Damn it. Everyone I know pronounces "every" as "ev-uh-ry." That second "e" is there for a reason!

Present!PeRFeCt9JM 5576

>>5572
>I was definitely going for a mythological/Homeric kind of feel
Trying to be mythic is generally a bad idea, in my experience.

>I did think that "blood" and "above" worked okay—call it a postmodernist impulse

Screw your postmodernist impulses, I hate close rhymes. (See also: Poem Nazi.)

>picture a Soviet/Chinese propaganda film that occasionally flickered and revealed bloodspattered battlefields behind the pretty words. It's meant to be about Shining Armor (mostly, though it coud be any soldier) having this very large dichotomy: of an "honorable" soldier defending his love and his family, versus the ugliness and horror of war.

That's actually mostly what I got out of it. I just wanted something more, I suppose.

>Everyone I know pronounces "every" as "ev-uh-ry." That second "e" is there for a reason!

You know some silly people then. :V

Last Round of Reviews! PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5606

Muffins (Double Dactyl)
I like this. It's short, sweet, and a lot of fun to read. Your language works, the rhythm is pretty fun to read through, and it's overall one of my favorites.

Gospel (Modified Ballad)
I didn't really get the point of this, or how pony-related it was. I mean, a "traveller" I can take, but a monotheistic god whose blood has been shed? Really? Really? The story was fairly opaque, too, and I never really "got" the protagonist. The meter really didn't work, either (which was a pretty big problem); the stressing was weird, and the rhyming didn't really take hold well. It completely just fell flat for me; sorry.

Derping by Muffin on a Hungry Afternoon (Free Ramble)
I liked this almost as much as I liked Muffins above. Damn it: it really is all the Derpy poems, isn't it? Meter was a bit weird in some places, but overall, a lot of fun. I enjoyed the view of Derpy as some thoughtful, head-in-the-clouds philosopher/poet, due to the prose and first person view.

The Prophecy (Quatrain Poem)
Again, meter weirdness. Bluh. I like the idea, though, of Twilight (or maybe Celestia, originally?) needing to struggle to keep true to herself even while controlling the power of the throne. I think "children" should be "fillies" or "foals" or something, though.

Through Equestria (Anthem)
Eh. I think I agree with Present Perfect. This doesn't really flow well, and doesn't feel like an actual anthem, either. The meter's really weird, and I can't imagine actually singing this along to any kind of music.

The Hidden Door (Iambic Verse)
Fourth line, and you've already broken the "iambic" part of your poem. The rest of it was mostly good, though. I picture the narrator as Daring Do, for some reason. Anyway, well-done, good language and atmosphere. Good story, too.

Prism (Sonnet)
I'm guessing this is about Trixie? Or maybe Rainbow Dash. In any case, I enjoyed the story of the poem, but the meter/rhythm really just didn't sit right with me. Maybe I'm too used to iambic (or maybe this was supposed to be iambic, in which case it failed miserably. I dunno). Some weird rhymes, too ("prize" and "wide").

Haiku
I can't pick my own, so I'll have to choose "A Filly's Guardian" as my favorite. I just love the Calvin & Hobbes imagery; I'm a sucker for some Smarty Pants feels (as well as the great imagery there, in my opinion).

Also, you're supposed to pronounce "every" in "Redmane" as 'ev-uh-ry'. Damn it, people.

Voting Round Almost Over 5608

File: 1369436099921.gif (999.33 KB, 299x167, 3306355+_c200d33ece7e1b1f07e9c…)

Only five hours left until voting is over, guys! If I don't have many more responses than what I have now (three, to be precise), I might extend it, but let's try and wrap this up, shall we? Come and vote for your favorites at https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1PK-MBpZrMhLFoDSjXEyXAs-Xf5C81QhHW-zeBxZ9uJI/viewform.

Anonymous 5610

>>5606

Not iambic?

x / x /
A hidden door
x / x / x / x /
I found behind the shelves of lore
x / x /
Disguised by books
x / x / x / x /
Concealed where no guest ever looks

The whole thing is iambic dimeter-tetrameter couplets, except for an additional non-rhyming line before the final repeated couplet of each stanza, which can be considered to make the final couplet pure tetrameter if not for the formatting used.

I could scansion it all, but speaking it aloud to the iambic beat shows the whole thing fits—barring regional pronunciation differences, of course.

Anonymous 5612

Stupid non-proportional fonts…

a HID-den DOOR
i FOUND be-HIND the SHELVES of LORE
dis-GUISED by BOOKS
con-CEALED where NO guest EV-er LOOKS

5613

>>5610
>>5612

>person!

>but no vote
vote pls <3
This post was edited by its author on .

5614

File: 1369445434295.jpg (161.42 KB, 501x524, Jonathan_Edwards.jpg)

Mm… Looks like I didn't get to those reviews I promised.

Oh, well.

I guess it's good to know that one can't celebrate Pentecost with a pony poem without critical backlash.

Toodaloo, everyone.

Amos ix. 2, 3. Though they dig into Hell, thence ſhall mine Hand
take them ; though they climb up to Heaven, thence will I
bring them down. And though they hide themſelves in the Top
of Carmel, I will ſearch and take them out thence ; and though
they be hid from my Sight in the Bottom of the Sea, thence I will
command the Serpent, and he ſhall bite them.
This post was edited by its author on .

5617

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Okay, guys! Thank you to everyone who participated, whether you submitted, voted, or just perused the thread and poems in question.

I'll be posting the final results at 8:00 PM EST tonight (approximately…20 hours from now).

In the meantime, feel free to claim which poems you wrote. Would you guys be willing to try this kind of thing again?

PonitryFTW!9VzjstDAXs 5618

File: 1369455496100.gif (1.61 MB, 300x169, hId4yJU_i0CU9EG-ROA6bg2.gif)

In related news, I'm Golden Vision. I wrote:

Eclipse
North
A Shining Shield
Redmane Lightbringer (Your Sister's OC)

I hope everyone else enjoyed this as much as I did :D

Pascoite!uxy6g7ov9I 5619

>>5516
This'd be my list of entries.

soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw 5620

File: 1369459355227.png (179.32 KB, 640x480, yeah__yeah__vinyl_scratch_and_…)

I wrote What Rules a Ruler.
I wasn't going to write anything, but then I got stuck while writing Equestria from Dust and used the idea of this contest to get the juices flowing and focus in on Celestia's character.
Pretty much submitted a rough draft, but surprisingly got a bit of (somewhat) good feedback on it.
At any rate I finished a chapter of EfD!

soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw 5622

File: 1369459542177.gif (928.56 KB, 400x381, 331565__UNOPT__safe_artist-lem…)

Twilight's Tale:

the rhymes seem forced in that it seems like the meaning of the lines is taking a backseat to making sure they rhyme. Several lines were cheesey or an awkward attempt at… somthing. The rhythm fumbles throughout. 4/10

Her:

Not exactly anything new with the first two lines. 'Tear' was an awkward choice as it can cause confusion with double meaning. I get it's minimalist, but the point of those are to say volumes in very little, and only the last line manages to do that. 4/10

Darkness of the Soul:

Free Verse =/= no rhythm. The lines rub against each other abrasively. Roses, blood, mortal coil, forced éd word. Overall this reads like teenage poetry (which no offense if you are one). 4/10

Eclipse:

Last line of the first stanza stumbles. In the second the actual sentences don’t match up with the rhyming scheme well. ie, the rhyme goes 1,1,2,2 but the actual words go 1,1,1,2. Problem that causes is that it makes the rhymes feel unnatural. 6th stanza is probably the best of the poem. 6/10

The Traveller:

I’m not seeing anything mlp related in this. The last stanza stretches on in a run-on fashion, most notably the ‘and the wind stirs the fauna’ feels tacked on at the end. Like a lot of the other poems on here, impact/meaning is lost in an attempt to conform to poetry. 4/10

Twilight’s Discomfort:

This one ping-pongs between galloping and face planting in the mud. It’s inconsistent quality actually has me scratching my head; how do you go back and forth between good and bad so much like that? The last stanza was really good, though. 5/10

Limericks & Longjohns:

Starts off fairly typical and boring, but picks up into something of its own about 1/3rd of the way through. 7/10

Mane Haiku:

Reading this is more like being slapped upside the head by a thesaurus than reading poetry. And I suppose using big words and then going ‘look, I used big words’ is clever or something. 5/10

What Rules a Ruler(self reflection):

Ugh, I started off okay, but the part that begins “from the western ocean. . .” really needed fine tuning. Still, I only wrote it to get the juices flowing, so I’m surprised it isn’t a trainwreck. Lastly, I must have been blind to have “she is in turn ruled” instead of “She is ruled in turn”

Well, I tried. That’s all the reviewing I had in me. I voted on the rest silently.

5624

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>>5489
Mm… Ya, I'm Yum.

>>5622
"The Traveller" isn't very pony because it really wasn't meant to be pony. I misread the rules and hadn't realized that pony was a requirement, not an option. But G-Vizzle said it was okay, so I didn't worry about it.

Also, both Her and The Traveller were submitted on a phone, in the morning, with little thought regarding proper measurements of meter and rhyme. Affliction was intended as an experiment of sorts, one which apparently was not really worth the effort.

>>5617
>Would you guys be willing to try this kind of thing again?

Eh, sure. The only issue I see is that poetry is more distinctly individual than prose, and it might be harder to remain truly anonymous. But I'd be up for it. Poetry is a soothing exercise, and practice will help greatly with all the dumb mistakes made this round.

Nonsanity!mrEPOETf36 5629

>>5488
I did these. The "Main Haiku" was more a joke than a serious effort. That it was 7-5-7 instead of 5-7-7 was not specifically intended, but fits with the idea of it being facetious. The Hidden Door was the only one I spent much time on, so that one is all my fault. :)

5630

>>5515
>>5491

These are mine, but I made them the best I could in the time I had. No regrets here but for the somewhat embarrassing murder of meter that I should have seen

>>5624
.
Sure, why not try again?

Again though, it might be a good idea to restrain ourselves to a slightly smaller pool of poetry forms next time. Took me hours to even find out what sort of form I was using (I’ve never even heard of quatrain poems as a form before and I was completely pulling that out from thin air, just to appease the almighty "form" on the submission), and I couldn't fairly even judge half of these because I mostly write fiction, not make poetry, and so I have no idea what constitutes a good usage of form beyond some simple basics.

War of the Poets — Results! 5632

File: 1369524991628.jpg (112.92 KB, 500x750, tumblr_mhv94oiRVQ1r1gkido1_500…)

Again, thanks for participating, everyone. Whether you submitted, perused, voted, or all of the above, I hope you guys had as much fun as I did. Now, without further ado, here are the results!

———————————————————————

Top 5

Gold Medal
Muffins! by Pascoite (7.40)

Silver Medal
Derping by Muffin on a Hungry Afternoon by Pascoite (6.60)

Bronze Medal
Eclipse by Golden Vision (6.40)

Copper Medallions
The Hidden Door by Nonsanity (6.17)
North by Golden Vision (6.00)


Participation Awards
The Finale by Writer's Block (5.80)
What Rules a Ruler? by soundslikeponies (5.40)
Her by Dolfeus Doseux (5.20)
A Shining Shield by Golden Vision (5.20)
Prism by WestWind (5.17)
Twilight's Discomfort by ??? (5.00)
The Prophecy by Writer's Block (5.00)
Through Equestria by ??? (5.00)
Limericks & Longjohns by ??? (5.00)
Affliction by Dolfeus Doseux (5.00)
Twilight's Tale by Nonsanity (4.83)
Mane Haiku by Nonsanity (4.17)
Gospel by Whit Sunday (3.8)
The Traveller by Dolfeus Doseux (3.40)
Darkness of the Soul by Anon (3.17)


Best Haiku
Hidden Kindness by Pascoite

———————————————————————

All in all, we had six people voting and eight individual poets submitting. The highest score given was for Muffins. Only two people submitted haiku, and the favored format for poems was iambic (whether they stuck to that or not is debatable). By the way, if you're one of the people whose poem is marked (???) above, feel free to post your ownership below.

Congratulations to everyone who participated, no matter how well you performed!

———————————————————————

Questionnaire Time
1.) What did you think of the format of the competition? How do you think it could be improved? If we do this again, it'll be through RogerDodger's special write-off site, so keep that in mind
2.) Should we limit participants to a certain number or type of poems?
3.) Should feedback and/or voting be required to have your own works considered?
4.) Was there enough time provided to work on, read through, and vote on all the poems?
5.) Do you have any additional feedback, questions, comments, or concerns?
This post was edited by its author on .

5633

>>5632
Personally, I don't think poetry is really something you can really rate, not by conventional voting standards. I mean, it's poetry. Not only must the poet be skilled in crafting the poem, the reader must also be skilled in analyzing what it means.

On a related note, I wrote Darkness of the Soul. The fact that it got anything higher than 1.0/10 deeply disturbs me–I thought the accented E was enough to throw it deep into Poe's Law territory.
This post was edited by its author on .

depravedHydroxide 5648

>>5632

>participation awards


Why is there a need for winners if everyone participated?


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