In which Skyward arrows creates the idea of Equestria, contained within a book that is to be passed down through his students, Daybreak, and Night Shade.The Main Plot
Skyward arrows and his students, Daybreak, and Night Shade, are on the run from some type of government, to which Skyward has been labeled a traitor. At some point they are cornered, and the two foals hide in a closet while Skyward Arrows confronts their adversary. He seems to have some sort of history with this adversary, whose name escapes me. Skyward speaks of how he used to be in the military, but quit because he felt it was corrupt. He has contained within him some sort of dark force, and has been creating an entire world within some magical book. He casts a spell that obliterates him and the area around him, leaving only the book and his two pupils. Daybreak is the older of the two, and has been given the responsibility of looking after Night shade, as stated in the letter left to them by Skyward Arrows.The Underlying Plot
Skyward arrows is a wise and gifted unicorn, who was once apart of the military for whichever world he currently lives in. He saw that his government was corrupted, and sought to oppose them, creating a new world that he believed could bring peace to everypony’s lives, and contained it within a book, so that it could not also be corrupted. When the government learned of this plan, they labeled him a traitor, and ordered that he be brought to justice, and the book overturned, so that it could be destroyed. Old friendships and loyalty are questioned when an officer must arrest a pony who was once his friend. The world is then left in the hands of two foals, who will pass down Skyward Arrows’s ideals for generations, until two ponies who are chosen by fate, will step up and take their rightful place as rulers of the beautiful land known as Equestria.Relevance to the Synopsis
Honestly, I can’t figure out where the synopsis ties in. Where is there a lie, and how is it protecting the world? What power did he have to pay a price for, and why did he have to pay that price? These are questions that are raised by the synopsis, but not adequately answered in the story itself.What I thought of it
It’s a neat story, although I’m not really sure why it was labeled as [dark]. I’m guessing the rulers of Equestria are going to turn out to be Luna and Celestia. Skyward Arrows kinda sounds like the name for a pegasus though. I should add that I kinda got lost in the early scenes. I don’t really know where they were running to, or from
for that matter. All I know is that they were running, and stopped at some point, the whole time Skyward kept saying “I’ve got this, don’t worry”. Then there was a door and a room, some sort of dark force. Not very coherent, until the pegasus with blades on his wings came in of course. From that point on the story is an easy and enjoyable read, but until that point… not so much.
Overall, it’s not a bad
story per se, but it’s not something I’ll
be adding to my favorites list anytime soon.Special Requests>What I would like input on is if this story needs to be expanded in some areas.
Well, I would definitely flesh out the beginning, unless you want
your reader to be momentarily confused, which I wouldn’t be surprised if that was your intent, because it all gets explained later. Other than that, you ought to be able to tell from my descriptions above whether or not certain areas need expanding. I hope this helped, and good luck with your story.
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