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Figment's Review Thread... of SCIENCE! 120Locked


Greetings, you fine connoisseurs of literature! My name is Figments, and I'm here to review your fanfiction. What does that mean? Well, let me give you a rundown of it: I go through your fic, scouring every nook and cranny for imperfections, and then come back to you with both suggestions and results, helping you along in this crazy world of pony fanfiction.

So, getting back to the subject, welcome to my review thread! Being an author myself, I know the problems faced with creating a story, so feel free to ask any question regarding such! I'm a bit more lenient than most other folks in terms of *coughs * language, general mishaps, and so on and so forth. That doesn't mean that I won't come down hard on your fic. When I do, that's generally because I want to see it as the best that it can be.

I do have a few requirements and preferences for reviewing, as follows:

1) Please read the sticky. It's the only hope for sailing these dangerous waters! That and us reviewers. *coughs * Moving on…

2) Please use this format when posting here: Title, Author, Appropriate Tags, Synopsis, Word Count, and your Gdocs Link (with sharing and comments enabled)

3) I will only accept Google Docs as this is the most convenient to review with. If your story is on FiMFiction and you would like a review, please transfer the story over to Gdocs and enable sharing with comments.

4) NO 10,000 + WORD EPIC CHAPTERS. My limit is 7K. No more, no less. I will be lenient if you go just a few words over; and by a few, I mean like ten to thirty, not one hundred to seven hundred. I gladly take resubmissions if edits have been made! Just keep in mind: I am not here to beta test your fic. I'm here to help make it better, so don't spam resubmissions.

5) I will accept most genres; however, there are some things that I will not accept, such as: heavy gore, most grimdark, shipping-focused stories (when the story is all about the relationship and not anything else), trollfics, poems, screenplays, and clopfics. I accept OC ponies, but be warned: because I like to think I specialize in OCs, I will be incredibly harsh on poorly written ones, so be sure to run tests prior to submission. Mary/Gary Stu tests can be found in the Training Grounds OP.

6) Keep in mind that I am a student. Because it is summer, I will be free most of the time. However, as the school year begins, I will take a little longer due to time constraints. Don't worry, I will get to your fic.

7) Please post both here and into my queue with the submissions form located at the bottom of this OP. If it's not in my queue, you're going to get ignored.

There; all done. *sighs * I feel much better. Like a weight has been lifted from my back! REFRESHING! Now pack your bags, mates. We're off to study the science… of FANFICTION!
I'm also on Ponychan! http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/112293.html
Submission Form: http://tinyurl.com/83koao8
My Fabulous Queue: http://tinyurl.com/76ytxwm
This post was edited by a moderator on .

!!Spike 121

File: 1342760115810.png (302.51 KB, 488x643)

>My limit is 7K. No more, no less.
Did you mean 7k and nothing more?



I meant what I said and I said what I meant. :P

Anonymous 123

So… stories which are only 7k words long then? Because that's what it is saying there.


… I can't believe I didn't see that. Ah, well. Yes. 7K and nothing more.

Anonymous 125

Well, you edited this once, you can edited again, the thing is still there.
This post was edited by its author on .

Anonymous 126

Hi! New to MLPChan, figured I'd see what you think of my story. It's a dark fic, but not GRIMdark. No gore, all major violence happens off screen. Is that cool?

Title: Under A Luminous Sky
Author: Jake The Army Guy
Tags: Dark, Thriller
Word count: around 8,000 between a prologue and three chapters.

Synopsis: Tragedy strikes Ponyville when a body is discovered in the Everfree Forest. As the towns ponies grieve, an enigmatic stallion arrives at he library, dispatched by Celestia herself. When more blood is spilled, Twilight and her friends, along with this strange new pony, must solve the riddle before it's too late.


Anonymous 127

Um, I DID notice the 7,000 word limit. Is it okay if the 8,000 is spread. Esteem four chapters? You am just review however much you like. :)



The rule only applies for single chapters, since they tend to clog up my schedule. For multiple chapters, this is perfectly acceptable. Do know that I will take review a chapter at a time to sort of minimize the overall amount.

Also, I noticed that you didn't submit to the queue. Since this is the first story of this thread (my other one is on Ponychan), I'll make an exception.

I'll get cracking soon! :)
This post was edited by its author on .

Anonymous 129

Herp. Just submitted.

Review, Part 1: Under A Luminous Sky Prologue 132

File: 1342816948428.jpg (137.28 KB, 768x1024, my_little_ponies_by_thelivingm…)

Since this is a multi-part review, my usual methods won’t work, so I’ll give you a basic rundown of what I saw in each chapter as I go along. Good? Good.

Storytelling & Plot Okay, for the prologue, which I will consider to be its own separate story for all intents and purposes, is pretty well thought-out. I seldom found any overarching problems with flow and such; however, there are still things I need to point out.

Your storytelling technique is quite lengthy. At times it makes for an added effect; to give the story that extra oomph. However, there were times when you had comma splice abuse and a poor selection of words, as noted by both Umbra and I (He was reviewing as I was, so there’s double the notes). You handled exposition nicely, adding some nice little backstory to Berry’s life, enough so that the reader is inclued on her daily life. But, there were some areas where it was unnecessary telling, and thus should be cut.

“Remember: Always strike a balance between Show and Tell!” ™

Grammar & Mechanics The prologue seemed like it had been looked at quite a bit. I found relatively no errors besides extra things that didn’t need to be there. Good work! Just take a look at the comments I made in the doc and you should be fine.

Welp, that’s it for the prologue. I’ll get started on the next chapter as soon as I can (probably in the next hour or two).





Darn, it seems that I've forgotten the password. Mods, if you see this, can you add two things to the OP:

Space after 1) and 2) in da rulez.

Beneath the separation for the queue and submission form, right above the submission form link, can you add in "I'm also on Ponychan! http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/112293.html"

Thanks, mods!


File: 1342820671909.png (26.92 KB, 600x630)

Like that?



Like that! Huzzah! Danke


You might wanna just remove rule 1.

Review, Part II: Under a Luminous Sky, Chapters 1, 2, & 3 137

File: 1342828395444.png (162.68 KB, 900x963, lyra_by_shelmo69-d3nxeoe.png)

Okay! Finally finished going through it. I must say, you have a VERY interesting story. Dissecting the mistakes that I did find was disheartening–I really want this story on EQD because it’s really engaging! Mistakes make me feel bad. Anyway, on to the review!

Overall Plot & Storytelling This story was excellently paced, and wonderfully well-written to boot! I loved every minute of it! Engaging, intriguing, exhilarating! However, you do need to look at the docs. There are a couple places (okay, maybe like one) where you could improve the effect much more. But overall, nicely done!

Grammar & Mechanics Brilliant! Bloody brilliant, you are! Just from reading the story I could tell you put a lot of time and effort into making it absolutely stunning! Just fix up the things in the doc and you should be fine.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece (if it wasn’t already obvious, hehehe…). I honestly want to see this on EQD. And succeed. No, scratch that, it WILL succeed. Bravo, monsieur. Just fix up what I pointed out and you’ll be ALL SET FOR SCIENCE.

Welp, thanks for that awesome work Jake. Really needed that right now :’( Heheheh. Not really, but it was BRILLIANT. Job well done, mate!



Anonymous 138

File: 1342832937288.gif (491.27 KB, 500x281, oh my gosh.gif)

Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words.

Though, I can't take all the credit, kind of. I had a few people pre-read this for me, you were just a last go through before submission to EqD. But all the changes were done by me, so screw it, I'll take credit! :P

Also, pic related.


File: 1351022122555.jpg (23.04 KB, 640x362, kaminomi_2.jpg)


Can you close this thread for me?

I forgot that I closed the one on Ponychan.


File: 1351052657460.png (26.92 KB, 600x630, 130559976454.png)

You got it.

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