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File: 1352754444146.gif (202.52 KB, 500x281, tumblr_mdbowg3FE51qdimsho1_500…)

## Ship Captain ## competition: Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2243[Last 50 Posts]

Winner was announced, congratulations to Golden Vision!
Remember the ## King of /oat/ ##, with his :smite: power that we did awhile back?

Well, it's that time again… But this time around, it won't be a scavenger hunt. No, it's much, much worse. If you want to win 24 hours as the ## Ship Captain ##, with a special board power that we'll decide on after, you'll have to do something… awful.

You'll have 48 hours to write the best (and by best, I mean worst - the most ridiculous/humorous) short shipfic about canon characters. (Bonus points if you pen a terrible Sombra shipfic.)

Are you up for it? Are you a bad enough dude to compete for /oat/'s official shipping master title?

Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2244

File: 1352754970625.png (593.13 KB, 943x713, art24.png)

Specific guidelines: (Not necessarily rules, but it'd be nice to go from that)

- No OC characters in the ship, please, of course you're free to put inside jokes or references to your OCs, but remember you're being judged by the mod team!
- Contest will end on the 14/11 at 4pm, EST (9pm GMT), though of course we might accept a last minute entry if you say "please"
- Shipping, yes, clopfic, no. /oat/ is SFW, just a reminder.
- Keep it short, and keep it fun! You have 48 hours, so get writing and good luck ♥

2245

…Anonthony, you're a faget. That is all.

Azure_Keys!/asSGRUNTc 2246

File: 1352755084652.png (174.1 KB, 500x375, grunt shy smile.png)

>>2244
Aww, I was gonna write a clop :P

Never mind then~

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2247

File: 1352755164712.png (92.88 KB, 326x326, Confused.png)

How do we post it? Just… post it here?

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2248

>>2247
Yep. Just post it here on the board for all to see and …. enjoy.

Silver Strength!TwiDasH7n2 2249

File: 1352755224906.png (349.04 KB, 795x455, Fluttershy fiction.png)

2250

File: 1352755243291.jpg (11.63 KB, 231x298, 11-1.jpg)

Anonthony…. why do you taunt me so?

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2251

File: 1352755335428.png (892.87 KB, 7198x5929, 1350483934693.png)

>>2250
Because I love to tease~

Chicken Scratch!ZeKE..ew8M 2252

File: 1352755356386.png (789.7 KB, 1750x1607, Fabulous.png)

Kay. Gonna watch the new ep and then churn out the most horribly awesome piece of shit you've ever seen. It will be graphic, it will be retarded, and it will be hopefully hilarious.

Mr. Bluesky!SOULxUy/gQ 2253

File: 1352755399618.png (179.45 KB, 331x835, I love you bby.png)

>INTERESTED

Trixishy!.TrixiSHY. 2254

File: 1352755402264.png (383.95 KB, 491x700, 116973__UNOPT__safe_princess-c…)

I can't write anything.

But I wish good luck to all the rest that will try!

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2255

File: 1352755496148.jpg (150.61 KB, 760x620, Eeee.jpg)

>>2248
Um… okay…
Can I submit something I wrote in the past for a quick writing thing?

Geldon 2256

File: 1352755760070.jpg (72.85 KB, 414x591, 58565 - Discord q season_2 sta…)

So, how does one submit a fic hereaboots?

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2257

>>2256
Just post it on the thread, so we can all read them all and 'enjoy.'

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2258

File: 1352755812667.png (48.78 KB, 480x360, Oh You.png)

>>2256
See: >>2248
Just go ahead and post it as text, I'm sure.

Anonymous 2259

>>2256
Just need to post in the thread.

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2260

File: 1352755899692.png (64.71 KB, 216x173, Smile.png)

>>2257
Quick clarification, does it have to be something we just wrote in this time-span, or can it be past works? See: >>2255

2261

File: 1352756004832.png (405.01 KB, 1166x684, images-40.png)

>>2255
The fact that you wrote something that fits into this category without being asked first scares me, BMO.

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2262

File: 1352756065152.jpg (31.98 KB, 270x270, Mistakes have been made.jpg)

>>2261
I… uh… it was… for a random genre story writing thread… and I rolled… um… erotic…

Silver Strength!TwiDasH7n2 2263

File: 1352756159553.jpg (361.49 KB, 1920x1080, Chrysalis happy.jpg)

>>2262

I guess they knew how to push your buttons.

Glitter !O3IxJevUhU 2264

File: 1352756200336.jpg (195.73 KB, 1679x938, 1347806708575.jpg)

Shuckle!XJDubleDp. 2265

How long does it have to be?

Geldon 2266

File: 1352756240953.jpg (49.76 KB, 375x375, Dash Likes What She Sees On He…)

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc 2267

File: 1352756270251.png (203.18 KB, 425x422, idle.png)

>>2244
Can an inanimate object be used?

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2268

File: 1352756326383.gif (989.57 KB, 310x175, Dean Oh You.gif)

>>2263
Oh you~

Trixishy!.TrixiSHY. 2269

File: 1352756335206.png (1.38 MB, 3000x3000, 1352325141658.png)

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc 2270

File: 1352756414585.png (206.47 KB, 425x422, alrighty.png)

Oh, I have something.

Although, I wouldn't really be interested to become a special title for a day.

Trixishy!.TrixiSHY. 2271

File: 1352756484813.png (32.66 KB, 909x524, 12518__safe_twilight-sparkle_t…)

>>2267
Object, you say?

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2272

File: 1352756516937.png (163.27 KB, 500x450, Hiding.png)

>>2269
>hides in shame
>>2270
Yeah… I'm not really in it to win a title…
That's why I was wondering if I could post an older work…
I… I can post it anyway, though, I guess.

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc 2273

File: 1352756533208.png (243.82 KB, 425x422, cool story.png)

>>2271
but the Kitchen Sink shipped Dash with a kitchen sink.

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2274

>>2265
No minimum or maximum. They'll be judged on impact.

Z !xeS.CIM.Jk 2275

File: 1352757224644.png (36.1 KB, 500x500, How_can_I_type_with_hooves.png)

>Best Shipfic
Well I'm out…
>and by best, I mean worst
And I'm back in

My entry Mr. Bluesky!SOULxUy/gQ 2276

File: 1352757381745.png (28.01 KB, 418x319, dus us bes tin.png)

here goes nothing
Lord samber enters the room of the young and beautiful princess cadon. His heart and PINGAS has always admiered her from a far with Sam Fisher night googles. He was a bit of creepers. He would watch her in the shawerz cuzz she was liek so to22ally hawt and so kawiai desu that she would make an otaku noze blleed for dayz. .He is perchard on her windows seal.
prisses caden wa lie in bed in deep slop she was slep.she think bou shinen aurmer an how get he was and how they babies and rias them lik a hap famioy bu sh did nut kno if shinen urmor wold like dat.she wak up slo lik becase she just wok up and she lok arud
It's iz eye your ex bayfrinend I'm only herezz to talk to uzz bout our relationzz ship lard SAmbe sayz while looking at her hot and 2022ally newd leanz bodieszz. he leand in trying to kissu kissu her butts
NU i arm murryed two sihnin armur i hat you!we ar nut togther anymore you ar hurrob an stahp kis my bodie tis is bad turch.
Buuttzz I just wonts to be with you furr evear like bakz in the future where we had our first dots. Lrt mii’s just stay tooknights causezz tommarow I’ll be gone.

furn jus dis nigt bur if shinen are com bak to haus thn we brek apert so u [email protected] jus fo few munits mu frind
Lard Submaine locks into here eyez and kizzes her pattionatly on her breadz they beginz to get loss in eachother passen
hur eyes becum lusfill an she let lurd submre kess hur she fell hr luv fo him tak ovur.
They has supar fun babbyz making motionszz in da bed with lardo samberdo ,and they both left to go be Supar Marios in the pushrom kingomsz of sadamy.

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2277

Well… might as well post it anyway…
Maybe it'll get people in the writing spirit.

–/~/–

A resounding slam resonated from Pinkie Pie’s room as Applejack had misplaced a hoof and fell.
“Aww consarnit. Well, Ah didn’ think Ah’d make it this far,” she said, lying down on the Twister pad spread out in the middle of the bed room.

“Nice going, I can’t believe you messed up an easy move like that,” gloated Rainbow Dash.

“Oh ha ha. Right Rainbow. At least Ah didn’t slip up in mah first few moves,” Applejack retorted.
The two shot each other a stern look for a moment, and then the two laughed, as Applejack squirmed out from between the two remaining players.

“You did great, Applejack!” Pinkie Pie cheered.

“Aww, you flatter me,” Applejack said, blushing a bit from the compliment.

“I can’t believe you two are still playing,” Twilight remarked. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy have both expertly been making moves for a great portion of the party. “This game lasted a lot longer than any game of Twister I ever played. Although, I guess that might be because I’m no good at the game,” Twilight added, followed by joyful laughter from the party guests.

“Now Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, maybe you two should call it a draw,” Rarity suggested, “you don’t want to hurt yourselves, exerting yourselves like that.”

“Oh, we won’t hurt ourselves playing a game. Besides, I want to get all the fun I can get out of this game!” cheered Pinkie Pie in response to Rarity’s suggestion.

“If Pinkie Pie wants to keep playing… I’ll keep going as long as I can…” Fluttershy quietly added.

After a few more spins, dictated by Angel bunny, the other party guests got weary. “Well, iff’n you two are gonna keep playin’ into the night, Ah’m gonna go hit the hay,” Applejack yawned out.

“You GOTTA tell me who won! I’d stay for longer, but I gotta go to bed so I can get some early morning training in,” Rainbow Dash excitedly said.

“Now, don’t hurt yourselves, darlings,” Rarity said, a concerned tone in her voice, “This party was fun! I’ll see you two tomorrow,” she said in a more light hearted tone.

“You two have fun.” Twilight added.

As the party guests left, the room quieted down. “We can… um… quit, if you want,” Fluttershy said in her usual quiet tone, “I’ll concede…”

“Are you kidding me? This is so much fun! Why give up now?” Pinkie Pie responded in her usual cheerful tone. “But, we sure have been playing for a while. Oh oh! I know! How about we add some new rules!?”

“New… rules?” Fluttershy questioned.

“Yeah! New rules! Let’s make it more fun!”

“If… you want…”

“AWESOME!” Pinkie Pie cheered out! She puffed out her cheeks and then she produced a party noise maker. *Toot!* it rang out. The curled up bit at the end unrolled and in a puff of confetti, a scroll popped out the other end. The scroll landed before Angel and Pinkie Pie spat out the party noise maker.
“This new super fun set of rules that add more interesting places to move about. You don’t need to be confined to the normal old mat with this set of rules!”

Angel inspected the new spinner, noting some of the peculiar new places to move and what interesting positions you could end up in. For the past couple of days, Fluttershy had been sleeping with a picture of Pinkie Pie. Angel bunny was no fool, and always had Fluttershy’s best interests at heart. He knew that Fluttershy was way too shy to make any moves, and suddenly had a devilish plan.

After a few seemingly normal moves, Fluttershy had suddenly been sprawled out across the mat, awkwardly having to hold her back up, as she had been turned about to face up. She was quite flexible and wouldn’t give up as long as Pinkie Pie wanted to play.

“The next move is Left Front Hoof Green.” Pinkie Pie said, looking at the spinner, after Angel had stomped to ‘alert’ the players to the next move. Angel had secretly been stopping the spinner with his stomps and thumps, allowing him to strategically place the players. And with the next move, his plan had been set into motion. Pinkie Pie placed her hoof onto the new spot, placing Pinkie Pie over Fluttershy, face to face. “Hi Fluttershy! Ha ha! Didn’t think this would happen!”

“R… right… neither did I…” Fluttershy added, she turned away in a blush.

“What next, Angel?” Pinkie Pie chirped. Angel span the spinner, eyeing a specific space. He stomped and got the spin he was looking for. He squeaked out the next move to the shy Pegasus, whose face turned red from the mention. “What’d he say, Fluttershy?”

“Oh… um… it said…. Um… give the nearest player a… kiss…”

“Oooo~ I KNEW that would be fun. But, it’s kinda unfair, since we’re looking right at each other! I thought it would be fun if players had to get up while still sprawled out and attempt to land one on a pony across the mat. And it adds a nice teamwork move to a competitive ga-“ Pinkie Pie was suddenly silenced as Fluttershy’s lips met hers. Pinkie Pie let it happen, less that she enjoyed it, although she did, but more that it was a rule.

Fluttershy moved her head back, her cheeks still flushed. “Th… there…”

“Oh Fluttershy~, you didn’t have to kiss me on the lips! You could have pecked me on the cheeks!” Pinkie Pie said, a cheerful look on her face.

“Oh… I… oh my…” Fluttershy said, her volume reducing with each awkward utterance. She tried to hide in her mane, but it was difficult as her hair would fall of her face thanks to gravity.

“Don’t worry, Flutters! Now, what’s the next move?” Angel saw his plan unfold perfectly. He flicked the spinner and slyly stopped it on another interesting space entry. “Tounge and Frosting? Uh oh, we don’t have a cake here. It’s waaay over there!”

“Oh… um… then maybe we should stop…” Fluttershy said, embarrassed. She just wanted to hide in her bed for the rest of the night.

“I got this! Watch!” Pinkie Pie said with a smile. She reached her head out and yanked a dangling rope. Fluttershy shrieked as a ballistic cake was fired from Pinkie’s party cannon. It smashed against the two ponies, covering their chests in frosting. “Sorry… but look! Frosting!” Pinkie Pie dragged her tongue across the frosting on Fluttershy’s belly. Fluttershy shuttered. She enjoyed this so much, but it shook her up. Her legs shook so much, that they gave way and Fluttershy finally toppled over, knocking Pinkie Pie, having the pink pony land right on top of her.

“Oh… sorry Pinkie… I guess you win…” Fluttershy said, looking away from her friend.

“That was super duper fun! We should play again!”

“Oh… um… I… oh…” Fluttershy awkwardly squeaked out.

“Or not…” Pinkie Pie said in a bit of a down tone. But her tone hopped back up, “Well, we shouldn’t let this frosting go to waste” her tongue hanging out. “Now… let’s get cleaned up.”

Mr. Bluesky!SOULxUy/gQ 2278

File: 1352757457737.png (37.37 KB, 158x329, heavy breathing.png)

>>2276
the cancer that I made…
it hurts my very soul

2279

File: 1352757458553.png (175.61 KB, 600x759, that's the stuff.png)

This is so going to happen if I can make time for it.

Anonymous 2280

>>2277
That was amazing…
Just.
Everypony's in character and I love the story.
You're great at writing.

Doesn't fit the competition though, sorry.

Eustatian!Wings60m9. 2281

>>2277
>>2280

What he said. Decent clop lead-in, c'mon over to /fic/ and we can polish it up if you want. What you've posted is not what we'd consider erotic, not by a long shot. Just a fair warning before you turn on NSFW mode.

Anonthy dropped by our chat to invite us, so um, Hi, /oat/! *waves*

Not sure if anypony else is coming over, but I'm in.

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2282

File: 1352759639276.png (75.27 KB, 570x224, Ah. Okay.png)

>>2280
Oh, thank you… heheh.
And, yeah, I figured. I just felt like posting it for fun.
>>2281
Heheh, I'm good… I was just posting it for fun because I had written it over the summer for a random thread.
I don't need to polish it.

Anonymous 2283

>>2282
You ever submit fics to Fimfic?

You have some ability.

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y 2284

File: 1352759825791.jpg (150.61 KB, 760x620, Eeee.jpg)

>>2283
Oh, no. I don't write much.

Acrylic!/33PmGijrk 2285

File: 1352759976884.jpg (97.93 KB, 516x418, 132823210632.jpg)

I will make my /oat/ians the worst fanfic to ever be made. Believe it.

2286

File: 1352762810124.bmp (147.93 KB, 242x208, fluttershy paper template.bmp)

>>2244
>Shipping, yes, clopfic, no. /oat/ is SFW, just a reminder.

Need some clarification on this.
I'm thinking about doing a fic were every paragraph is a build up to a marshmallow scene that is described entirely by the phrase "And then they fucked" no details, no description, just "and then they fucked"


Is that alright?

Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2287

File: 1352762950174.png (441.71 KB, 2764x3000, smile4_vectored by Canon.png)

>>2286
Sure, you have the right to do that, what i meant is don't start describing in details how he runs his shoolawoop deep into her sholawoop

2288

File: 1352763208235.jpg (62.08 KB, 360x360, fluttershy clap.jpg)

>>2287
yay!

Obliviouspony 2289

File: 1352763292672.png (298.9 KB, 600x450, Bestpony.png)

>>2286
>>2287
>>2288
>Read in Fluttershys voice
>Laughed too hard.

Oh, Dear Sister, No! Eustatian!Wings60m9. 2290

AN: I was about to give this another editing pass, but then I realized I was doing it wrong. Borderline clop. May the jimmies be rustled.



Princess Luna knew it was wrong, but she had to admit she had something for his horn. It was terribly, horribly wrong, but oh so much fun to fantasize about.

Her imprisonment on the moon had been bad enough, the things she had *done* to fair Celly and all those ponies were worse, and in the end she came back as a little filly again.

Growing up was weird enough the first time around, so much weirder the second. At first it was fun playing hide-and-seek in the kitchens or lying in the gardens midsummer nights, eyes wide, falling in love with the sky again. Her sky it was and Luna cried for joy. Luna grew fast, reclaiming lost time and then… and then Responsibility came to rest its heavy collar upon her shoulders. Her fillyhood was dying a second time and, she thought, 'tis a death nopony by rights should suffer once, so less twice, thrice, or more.

Luna was in a surly, adolescent mood that afternoon, unable to sleep, beset by vexation, and as yet some hours still remained before dear Celly would cede to her the sky. Luna bore dark designs upon her inflamméd heart.

And yet… and yet with covert minxish thrill she made her balcony her perch, spread her wings, and set off north.

Celly spoke in glowing terms of her apprentice, Twilight Sparkle, for whom the Princess of Light had designs of her own. Luna feared the little unicorn, still could feel the fire of the spell which had stripped her, the Night Queen herself, of hard-won glory, power, and evil thrill.

That itself was vexatious too, that Sparkle might soon be trusted as she had been, tested as she had been, might herself be overcome by power-lust as she had been. Ponies worked the fields below, savoring the summer heat. Luna bore them ill will no longer, she in truth did love them now, and for their sake did fear and shame agitate upon her brow.

Still, Luna regarded the north with playful, shameful, lustful affect, and it did her spirits lift. The horizon curved below her - she did fly exceeding high - and at great speed to boot. The mountains of the frozen north crawled towards her slowly yet without pause and ere long had passed Princess Luna began her descent.

Were it not for Celestia's guard Luna would have made straight towards her prize. But it would not do for her to be discovered, would not do at all. Luna laned soft upon the snow, a meteor wrapped in fine blue coat, dark as midnight under a cloudy sky and full moon. Her hooves crunched and squeaked upon the ice. The wind was soft but bitter cold: it twined about her neck, twixt her legs, carressed her tail, nibbled chill upon her hot flesh. The afternoon sun cut bright through the valley. Jagged shadow cut by jagged stone lay upon the ground.

Luna raised her eyes to scan the ridge and knew herself must not be marked. Her magic swept up through her horn across her coat and soaked in deep. In a flash she turned transparent, clear like water, hard to spy, and thus transformed she began to run.

Cresting the ridge between two lookouts Princess Luna checked her pace. This place was secret. Pink Berets patrolled its limits, that constant prison of ice and rock. Luna stole to a small building, crafted of rock and no bigger than a shed. He was there, the object of Luna's desires, whom she might visit, might keep for a spell, if only for a few hours lest by Celly he be missed. Luna would be careful, oh so careful, but so too would she be sated.

Luna found him nestled in his place, an altar of stone in this life-foresaken place. Reaching her muzzle - her magic might be seen - into a saddlebag, tender, careful, and slow, she drew forth a jagged spire of crystal, black as the abyss, and set it upon the altar before her master.

Somepony stirred outside and hastily Luna finished her deed. She took him in her mouth, lifted him free, and stowed him in her bag. Then, shaking with fear, she set the crystal in her master's place - it looked the same; nopony could tell - and Luna pressed herself against the wall.

A Pink Beret peered into the door, summoned light from his horn and gave the room a bored, cusory glance. Luna's heart did pound in her chest. Being so close to detection thrilled her unspeakably. The guard stepped in, looked carefully at the fake spire, and then straight into Luna's eyes.

And then he turned and left. Luna let her lip slip from her teeth - it had been close and yet her illusion held. Her legs shook as she stole away from the hollow, but she had found success so far. And she could feel his magic in the bag against her flank. At once it was both hot and cold, pleasing and teasing, and oh so soon she would be his. Luna scarce attended to the flight back home, so greatly giddy was her heart.

She skipped down the hallway to her chambers and once inside she locked the door. Luna took him from her saddlebags, this time with her magic glowing like moonlight and scarce could resist running her tongue along his length.

No reason stood in her way, so thus she did.

Then she reached deep into her heart, seized her darkest self, and cast it into his crystal depths.

He appeared.

He appeared first as shadow crawling along her chamber's floor, then illusory spikes of dark crystal bristling from the walls. Luna stood well menaced and thrilled.

"Crystal… slave…" his voice hissed.

"My master," Luna said and bowed. "Take me, ye magnificent beast."

His body appeared in a cloud of shadow, the body of a unicorn, coat of gray, mane black as his heart. His eyes glowed green and red and above he wore a steel crown. His horn - Luna had quite a thing for his horn - curved and tapered like a scimitar to a red point. On his back he wore a red velvet cape. Steel armor guarded his throat and hooves. He looked like an OC, but he wasn't.

Luna sidled close and from horn to horn she cast a spark.

Then and thus they fuckéd well.



(cont.)

Eustatian!Wings60m9. 2291

Celestia looked down from her balcony at the sundial in the courtyard below. Luna was late to raise the moon this evening, but Celestia knew she was going through a rough time. In the grand scheme of things, it was no great matter if the moon rose a few minutes late. She raised herself up on her wings and seized the sun in her power, then falling back to the balcony she guided it down.

Another day was done and Princess Celestia, her public duty discharged, flew up to her sister's tower, perhaps to rouse Luna from her sleep or to make sure that she was well.

Landing on Luna's balcony, Celestia heard a noise which she hadn't heard over a thousand years, a tender grunt lusty as a midsummer night. She blushed and paused, about to go. Over the ages they had, of course, caught each other attending to their needs time after time. It stood to reason they would again. Privacy, of course was always the best choice - but secretly Celestia was glad. It pained her to watch Luna grow up again, but here was another milestone passed without a hitch.

Besides, it would only be a few minutes - Luna was reliable that way. Celestia would have stretched her wings, taken a lap around the castle grounds, come back to find Luna freshened up, slightly sheepish that the moon was late. Then Celestia would hug her little sister and - tact of course, always with tact - not let on why she was so proud.

She would, if she hadn't heard another voice, deep and horrifically familiar, chuckle and hiss. The blood drained from Celestia's face, taking her faint blush with it. She burst through Luna's door, into the tableau that lay within.

"Sister!" Luna gasped and then was silent, her eyes wide.

Sombra carried on with his work, mindless and dutiful as the simulacralum he was.

Celestia blinked, her mind blank, and, doing the first thing that came to her, picked up Sombra's crystal talisman with her magic. He disappeared at once, so did the shadows and spikes, leaving Luna frozen, rooted, legs wide on the floor.

"Sister, I…" Luna gulped, straightened herself, and dropped her tail. "I am sorry. Wilt thou-"

"This is for Twilight's test!" Celestia hissed. "It's not a toy. Especially, it's not that kind of toy. We shall talk."

Then Celestia escaped, shutting the door behind her, trying to forget what she just saw. A few minutes, yes, she decided and stepped onto the balcony. That would give Luna time to wash up and herself - Celestia breathed deeply the clean night air - to get the smell out of her nose.

(end)

Anonymous 2292

File: 1352772405525.gif (207.87 KB, 400x300, FS - clap.gif)

2293

File: 1352773575876.gif (4.09 MB, 300x169, vg9qYehkZUWo-Cj7RltMVg2.gif)

sombrero looked down on the little ponies. and though he wanted to kill them, he also thought they looked marshmallowy <3 so he gave them an offer

'you can resist me and die……or you can be service my…physical pleasures.'

he licked his lips. he'd been so lonely for 1k years :c

pinkie looked up with wide eyes. 'wait, huh? really/?"

'yes'. sombrero offered her a taco. 'and you can have this if you do good.'

pinkie's mouth opened wide. 'ooh! cool!'

then who should go first, sombrero wondered he settled his eyes on the purple one. 'what is your name' he thundered, with his lushius mane flowing in the evil breeze.

my name is twilight sparkle she said, shaking in fear of his awesomeness, and because he wanted to fill her up with his glory, he turned into a cloud and flew into her mouth. she choked on the smoke, and died, but it's okay because his sholawoop was in her mouth anyway, and she had an asphyxiation fetish so it was okay <3

and then rainbow dash flew up and said ILL TAKE YOU DOWN but sombrero was like no and pelted her with spicy rice and old salsa, and then licked it off of her and it was the sexiest thing ever.

rarity didn't like that, but she wanted sombrero's sholawoop anyway, so he turned back into a poni and controlled cadence with his magic and also shining armor and they all hade a foursome with all their huge sholawoops.

flutter shy saw what was going on and got out a whip and screamed NO HES MINE and then whipped the flesh off of rarity and shining and cadences bones but then she started putting sombrero in chains and leather, and it was so marshmallowy that his sholawoop and her sholawoop made out and were best friends <3

last was pinkie, and then she was all curious like 'what are u gonna do now' and then he was like 'it's best, wait and see'

but she didn't wanna wait and see so she took out an old taco bell burrito and poured the puddle of gap inside down his throat and it was so delicious that he melted into the smooze, which pinkie stuffed into her sholawoop.

also, celestia and luna started a sholawoop festival.

ZE END.

Anonymous 2294

what is this world

filled with so many horrors

Friends for one night Shuckle!XJDubleDp. 2295

>not sure if this is clop or not, but I'm going for it anyway
"AAAnd that's a wrap." The director yelled from his chair. The set dimmed. Everyone started dispersing. The donuts were packed up, the cameras were turned off, and everyone was going home.

There sat only one thing in the room. He was all alone. He had gotten used to his fame by now. His name was everywhere. All over the internet you heard it. You couldn't get away from it. He had fan art, and memes, and everyone any start could ask for.

But there was something missing. He didn't know what it was, but he felt empty. He missed someone. Someone very dear to him.

The door opened.
"Hello?"
He recognized that voice. It was him.
"Wh-what are YOU doing here?" he replied, blushing slightly.
"Well, I noticed how famous you were getting and I… I just wanted to visit." he said sheepishly.
"Yeah well… go away! You shouldn't be here!"
"I know but…. you couldn't have time for an old friend?"
He sighed.
"F-fine. But it's not because I like you… b-b-b-baka!"
He grinned. "T-thank you. So, how do you like being famous?"
"It's amazing. Better than anything. Better than when I knew you!" His cheeks were bright red like a fire truck at this moment.
"Y-you mean that?"
"Yeah, of course! W-w-why would lie?"
"I wish I was famous like you…"
"Well you're name isn't even catchy. It's just stupid. Stupid head." There was a silence. Then, Gak broke down crying. "Oh what am I saying, it's been so lonely without you!". He then threw himself into Floam's arms (or the closes thing he had to arms). He had long forgotten the soft, beedy texture of his skin, akin to running your hand through a field of corn kernels and yogurt.
"B-b-but how could you miss me? I thought-"
"It was a lie! I can't live without you!" Their eyes met.
"Floam-sama."
"G-Gak-sama…"
Then, the passion happened.
"Oh Gak-sama, you're faking my flunt!"
"Oh Floam-sama, you bloaming my dak!"

"NOTHING CAN STOP THE SMO-" Lord Smooze then saw what was happening and gasped.
"Gak-san! Floam-san!"
The two overs were in shock. "Lord Smooze-sama!"
"It-it's not what it looks like! I was just… I was just helping Floam-khun with an itch. It's wasn't because i liked him or anything!"
Lord Smooze blushed at the sight of the two, with all 58 1/2 of his faces.
"I-i-i-it's forbidden for two corporate rivals to have a love affair. You know this?"
Floam spoke up. "Yes but… you can take away my pride, you can take away my money, you can take away my stretchiness, and you can take away the slight pleasure I get when I child smushes me in my secret no-no spot, BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE AWAY MY LOVE FOR GAK-KHUN!"
Lord Smooze looked down. "You're right. I can't tear you two apart. You like so kawaii-desu together, uguu~!"

And then they had hot thing marshmallow

The End.

Shuckle!XJDubleDp. 2296

File: 1352779101714.png (237.29 KB, 900x900, 133909917740.png)

…..did I lose?

Anonymous 2297

>>2296
>you will always lose
>tfw Shuckle

Graphics!CatDbooOOo 2298

>>2296
seeing as floam and gak aren't actually in the show, I have no idea if they're viable characters. I liked the story though.

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2299

>>224117
You can write a few if you want.

2300

File: 1352780564116.png (96.66 KB, 653x911, 132656770396.png)

How many times can we enter?

2301

File: 1352780648418.png (167.7 KB, 876x912, 132654978538.png)

>>2299
I'll give myself a max of three if I even write 3 at all.

Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2302

File: 1352780877297.png (326.83 KB, 945x945, hipster.png)

>>2301
I would recommend starting with one

Eustatian!Wings60m9. 2303

So when we do competitions in /fic/ we like to review each other's stories. Even though the mods will pick the worstbest, I'm gonna go ahead and do that.

The hard thing about writing intentionally-bad fic is there are so many paths leading to awful. So, I'm gonna call out what I see:

>>2276
Mr. Bluesky's entry.

Ribbon for most fucked prose. I feel like I'm reading "Spiderses" or My Immortal, only my brain hurts worse. Once I scrape the thick layers of misspelling, grammar-derp, and TXTLOL off this story, I'm left with

Yes! A story! It at once makes sense and doesn't. The characters aren't even puddle-deep and yet I can identify with their reptile-grade pointless lust.

>>2277
BMO's draft

Ribbon for most sincere

More than any other entry, this one sounds like actual bad writing - like it was penned by someone who could be a decent writer with some luck and work and yet-undeveloped talent. We all started here, and by "we" I mean those who fancy themselves authors.

I'm actually inspired to line-edit (where you take prose and make it say the same thing better). This is the writing equivalent of detailing a car, not the sort of thing most folks want to do and it makes the recipient feel all embarrassed for letting things get so filthy in the first place.

But I can't resist, so…

Applejack misplaced a hoof and fell with a resounding slam to the Twister mat on the floor of Pinkie's bedroom.

“Aww, consarnit it!" she said. "Well, Ah didn’ think Ah’d make it this far.”

“Nice going. I can’t believe you messed up an easy move like that,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Oh ha ha. Right, Rainbow. At least Ah didn't land on mah sorry rump in the first few moves,” Applejack said. She shot Dash a stern look, which Dash returned, and then the two laughed. Applejack squirmed out from between Pinkie and Fluttershy, the two remaining players.

“You did great, Applejack!” Pinkie Pie cheered.

“Aww, you flatter me,” Applejack said, blushing a bit.

“I can’t believe you two are still playing,” Twilight said.

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy have both expertly been making moves for a great portion of the party. **needs revision here**

**Twilight:** “This game has lasted a lot longer than any game of Twister I ever played. Although, I guess that might be because I’m no good at the game.”

The other ponies laughed.


A lot of honest mistakes. You should come write with us.

>>2290
Oh, Dear Sister, No!
by myself

No self-comment.

>>2293
Golden Vision's entry

Ribbon for best use of in-joke jargon - and smileys

sholawoop confirmed for best word.

Honestly, this feels like you just hammered it out. I know you're capable of worse! But your prose sparkles with fail, and I like that. Reminds me a lot of Lejendary Lejend of Masteroxxor. Doesn't bother to develop a plot, is in no way marshmallowy…

Oh, I see what you did there. Everypony else is writing stories that the reader is getting invested in. But you have broken Vonnegut's first rule and wasted my time in a way that makes me feel like it was wasted. So, ultimate fail.

>>2295
Friends for one night
by Shuckle

Ribbon for Best wtf-weaboo

I can buy this characterization; world always needs more ツンデレば〜かヤロメ猫目鐘の子 (that's tsunderebaaakayaromenekomeganenoko. It's Japanese and can't be translated.) You also have the best marshmallowytimes so far and try to develop a relationship - and yet the fail! Oh the fail, because Gakku-kun and Furohmu-kun are both so paper-thin…… desuttebayo.

実に大成功だったぜ。

Anonymous 2304

Dash paced nervously in the sky above Pinkie's house. She set a few clouds up so she could dart behind them if she had to - she didn't want to be caught, after all.

After what seemed like forever, finally, Pinkie approached Sugarcube Corner, muddy from a day of hanging out with Applejack.

"Perfect!" Dash said to herself. Not only was Pinkie coming home to have her usual play-time with Gummi, but she'd have to take a bath on top of it!

"OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh…" she stammered to herself as he covertly eyed Pinkie from behind a few puffy clouds.

Just as expected, Pinkie traipsed upstairs to the washroom. Dash looked around cautiously at the ponies going about their day below her, and silently sneaked down to hover by the window when she saw the coast was clear.

Peeking in above the windowsill, she watched as Pinkie happily trotted in with Gummi in tow.

"Ohmygosh…" she said very quietly. She knew this was wrong. She shouldn't be feeling this way, or doing these things. But she had to.

The water was turned on. The steam started to form. Dash started to feel those feelings welling up in her as Pinkie slipped into the tub, giggling and washing herself, Gummi absently splashing around. It was over too quickly, for Dash's tastes. Pinkie slipped back out of the tub and began to towel off, letting the toothless gator soak a bit more.

"Be right back!" she said, clopping out the door and towards her room.

Now's my chance Dash told herself. She slid open the window, and slipped into the tub! Finally!

"Oh, Gummi.. I don't know what it is.. I know this wrong, but I can't help myself!" She exclaimed, trying to play with him as he stared absently.

"Um… please? Play with me?" she asked, with piteous eyes desperate for an answer.

And nothing.

"WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME!?!" she exclaimed.

Pinkie heard from her room. "What? Who is that?" she said as she started back towards the bathroom.

"Oh no!" Dash said, zipping back out the window… to cry softly on a cloud.

Love, Crystallized 2305

Spike trotted up to Rarity and watched in awe as she ran her fingers through her mane. He thought about it for a moment, but was able force suspension of disbelief that she even had fingers.

Once the heart shapes had faded from his eyes, Spike shook the fog out of his mind and worked up his courage. "Would you mind… joining me for a drink, Lady Rarity?" He stared up at her while twiddling his thumbs.

She glanced over his shoulder at the Element of Generosity hanging in a display case on her jewelry chest. "…Things you have to do to wear that stupid thing," she muttered through a clenched jaw, then flashed a wooden smile. "Just let me get my scarf."

While Rarity was occupied momentarily with he neckwear, Spike let his eyes wander toward her chest. He couldn't remember if this was one of those stories where she had boobs or not, and where they might—

He shuddered violently for a moment "Ugh. Crotchboobs." Jerking his gaze back up to her mane, lest he find an answer he couldn't handle, he offered her an arm.

Rarity looked back and forth between the proffered claw and his face a few times. "I appreciate the gesture, but I'm a quadruped, dear. I need all four legs to walk."

Spike facepalmed. Whipping up another chivalrous gesture, he opened the door for her and gave a sweeping bow. He jogged double-time through the knee-deep snow to keep up with her. When they arrived at the cafe, he pulled a seat out for her and ordered a pair of hot chocolates. As he scratched at his chin to divine some topic of conversation, he noticed Fluttershy at the next table.

Fluttershy had a tall glass of sugar water for her entourage of butterflies. She was cowering behind her chair while making occasional attempts to approach the seapony at the leather-covered banquette against the wall. Yeah, leather. They killed a cow. It was a ray bastard, if that helps.

Spike couldn't help but stare at the seapony, too. How did it even get in the restaurant? That big tank of water, with no wheels or cart. And what does a seapony drink, anyway?

"Um…" Fluttershy stammered. "I…" she uttered haltingly before ducking behind her chair again. "If… if you…" she finally offered extemporaneously toward the oceanic equine. "Eep."

Spike relaxed a bit in his chair. That was the proper type of dialogue for Fluttershy. Everything felt right. He failed to see the dark shape coalescing outside the window.

"Cryssstalsssss!"

Shoving himself back from the table, Spike rushed to the door and flung it open. "Look!" he shouted, waving a claw around at the snow piled along the sidewalk. "That's bucking crystallized water! It was all over the place up north, too." Spike kicked a few flakes at Sombra. "Knock yourself out."

"Black… Cryssstalsssss!"

Spike rolled his eyes and grabbed a menu off the table nearest the door. He breathed fire on it, and the resulting green smoke flew off toward Canterlot. Standing there scowling for a moment, he finally stepped outside and broke a dead twig off a tree.

"Dude, 'buck?' Is that like profanity, or what? I'm never sure," Sombra growled.

"Hold on. I forgot that paper works that way." A minute later, he finally felt the familiar pang of nausea in the pit of his stomach. He belched up an elegant scroll, which read "Two slices of cake to go, please." Taking a deep breath, Spike flamed the twig, leaving a charred stub. He then stirred it in the snow, leaving a blackened pile of flakes. "There. Is that all?"

"Cryssstalsssss?"

Spike slammed the door on his way back in. From across the room, he saw Rarity's eyes light up, but she was looking past him.

"Now, don't be rude to our guest, Spikey-Wikey." Her gaze shot around the room, finally alighting on Fluttershy's sugar water. "Here. Blow your flame breath on that."

Spike shrugged, then obliged, leaving a crust of sugar behind in the bottom of the glass.

"Cryssstalsssss!"

"And that!" Rarity shouted, pointing at the seapony's tank.

"You bitch," the hapless aquatic organism mouthed.

Spike shot his flame into the tank as well, which left the interior coated with salt.

"Cryssstalsssss!"

"See, Kingy Wingy?" Rarity wheedled. "He's perfect for you. He can create all the crystals you like." She turned to face Spike, adding, "And can't you see how much he needs you?"

Spike, who, due to strange dragon aging patterns, was actually quite old and legit to use for shipping, shrugged again. He kissed Sombra, and they were totally in love already.

Rarity slipped away. Good, she thought to herself and three other ponies. I need to get back to practicing for the Wonderbolts. No, wait—that's somepony else.

Anonymous 2306

File: 1352786296855.png (337.25 KB, 507x570, what the fuck am i reading.png)

Twilight's Moonlight Sonata Soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw 2307

File: 1352788014455.jpg (11.24 KB, 512x293, grave_fireflies_bluebat[1].jpg)

It was dark out and Twilight had snuck away to from the library, a pair of pillows under the sheets in her place as she went to meet her forbidden love. The others would never understand how true and how deep their love for each other ran.

She glanced up at the moon; she was late, late for a very important date. With no time to lose, she sprinted to the willow tree by the pond they had agreed to meet at.

She galloped over the hill, freezing as she saw him standing under the willow tree, waiting for her. Fireflies danced like candlelight over the pond, the soft melody of frogs and crickets filled the air. His coat was white and regal as ever as his ears stood pointed, listening for her.

“Oh, Angel-bunny!” Twilight shouted, galloping down the hill towards the willow tree. Angel’s head swiveled around to the sound of her voice, but as she neared to sweep him up in a hug, he held his paw out to stop her.

Twilight’s brow knitted together in concern. “Angel-bunny? What’s wrong?”

He looked up at her, his eyes holding a sad expression that seemed to say, “Twilight, darling, we’ll never be together. Not the way you deserve. I’m no good for ya, hun, we had our time, but I think it’s been and passed.”

Tears began to pool at the corner of Twilight’s eyes. “Angel-bunny… no…” She bit back a sob, clenching her eyes shut and hanging her head. “I thought we would always be together. I thought nothing would stand in the way of our love.”

Angel averted his eyes from hers in a way that almost seemed to say, “I did, too.”

Twilight sniffled, reaching up and wiping away her tears. “W-we could run away together! The Princess taught me a spell, I could—”

Twilight was silenced by a paw pressing to her lips. Angel looked up at her with a determined look, as if to say, “I’ve made up my mind, hun. This will be the last time we’re together.”

A sob escaped Twilight. She scooped up Angel in her hooves, holding him close to her heart—where he always was—and burying her muzzle in his soft white fur. Angel closed his eyes and returned the embrace, patting her back.

Pushing on Twilight’s chest to meet her eyes, Angel looked up at her with a look that said, “These few, precious moments have been the best of my life. And no other gal I meet will quite live up to you, Sweetcheeks.”

Twilight blinked away her tears. “But what will you do? All the rabbits got forced out of Ponyville when the beavers blocked off their drinking water.”

Angel’s ears tensed, his face holding a grim look that conveyed the message, “Then I’ll grow old as a lonely man with only a framed picture of that night we shared by the cabbage field, your mane softly glowing in a moonlight serenade.”

Twilight felt Angel trying to wriggle out of her grasp, and let him go. He landed on the ground on all fours. Standing up, he dusted himself off with his front paws and walked away from Twilight to the willow tree, stopping at it and turning, his eyes holding a look that said, “And as for the beavers? Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

He picked up his fedora lying by the willow tree, placing it on his head and tipping it down over his eyes as he walked off into the moonlit hills, never to be seen by Twilight again.

Pinkielight Sparklepie Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6 2308

File: 1352791979152.jpg (103.37 KB, 900x900, 134752207875.jpg)

It was a dark and stormy night, and the Clocks were all striking Thirteen.

"Ow! Stop!" cried Thirteen Shades, famous writer pony, as the hardcore timepiece-themed gang of donkey bikers beat him within an inch of his life.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, Twilight was reading a book about science or maybe or magic or possibly the science of magic. That last one would make the most sense because she is a pony in Equestria, and you know, ponies in Equestria have magic instead of science. I wish we had that, maybe then I wouldn't have to sleep so much in science class.

Anyway, so Twilight was sitting there all quiet-like, minding her own business and readin' some words on a page. She looked so innocent and naieve, like a plate of waffles no-one had had marshmallow with.

A very tasty plate of waffles, thought Pinkie, psyching herself up for her role in this shipfic. She'd always preferred comedies, but her mother had cancer and her sisters all had triple-AIDS and their medical bills didn't pay themselves.

Pinkie walked up behind Twilight, doing some sultry sashaying and slaloming and stuff, it was super hot, if you're a pony I guess.

"Hey Twilight, I love you because you're smart, and because in that one episode we dressed up like Sherlock and John and I love to write slashfics about them, so let's marshmallow!" she said, cutting through at least seventy chapters of subtle, slowly smouldering relationship-building bliss I had planned. Oh Pinkie, why you gotta break the fourth wall so much?? It must be because it is super funny and always leaves the reader in stitches.

"Sure!" said Twilight, looking like she'd just found the lost library of… like, marshmallow plus something Twilight would like, I guess.

*

Twilight and Pinkie emerged from the library hours later, looking exhausted.

"I hope you enjoyed my exhaustive lecture on the reproductive habits of every animal known to ponykind!" Twilight shouted after Pinkie as the latter head for home. "I'm not even using a disgusting metaphor euphemism thing here, that is actually what we did. Whoever wrote this story is basically the best at subversive parody, and I totally do not want to have his babies because that would make this look like some weird self-insert which the author is too good for."

Little did Twilight know, the author sadly wasn't too good for beating self-deprecation into the ground with blow after unfunny blow. He cries himself to sleep every night.

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE CHAPTO WUN: HUMBEL BURGININZ EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2309

File: 1352796524099.png (395.81 KB, 519x640, 242.png)

ONCE OPPAN A GANGNAM STYLE

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ WUZ STDING IN HER WAS STDING LABROTORIED

BUT DEN EVRYTIN CHANGE WEN KING SOMBRAE ATTACKED

"I WILL SHIP WITH YOU" SAID KING SOMBRAE

"NO" SAID TWOLOZ SPICKLZ

"YES" SAID KING SOMBREA

"NO" SAID TWOLOZ SPICKLZ

"FUKKIT" SAID KNIG SMOBRAE

AND THEN HE KISSED HER

TWILIGHT SPARKLE BLUSHED IN SHEER EMBARRABLORGAIDSBASDIBJSAJKNBJKB AND SAID "STAHP SOMBRAE" BUT SECRETLY SHE WAS ENJOY IT VERY MUCH

"YOLO" REPLEID KING SONTA AND HE KISSED HER AGAIN THIS TIME FULL ON ON THE LIPS AND MADE HER BLUSH MORE

"SRSLY STAHP" SED TWOLOZ SPICKLZ WHO WAZ GETIN RLY ATRACT BY NOU

"NEVAR" SAID SOMBRAE AND HE TACKELD HER AND MAED OUT ON DA FLOOR WORK IT OUT ON THE FLOOR

THEN GENRIK GUARD PON BARGED DOWR DOWN "UR CUMIN WIT MEMF FODIASU" WHICH WAS POMBEAR'S REAL NAME

"OH NO" SED FODIASU "IT IS MY ARCH NEMESIS ARGEMBLÜGER WI MUS ESCAP"

BUT

DER WAZ NU ESCAP

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE CHAPTO TO: EN JALE EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2310

File: 1352797101062.png (153.66 KB, 407x379, 37.png)

>>2309
ATUHOR'S NOSE
IN DIZ CHAPTA MAY BE VILENT AND FLASHIGN IMAGE I M TRUELY SORI 4 YUR LOTZ IF U REED

0000000000000000000000000000 < BORDEUR

KIGN PONBERE N TWOLOZ SPICKLZ WUZ SITTIN IN DA SELL DEY HAZD COMPLETE FIVE YEAR OF TWENTY YEARS SENTANC FOR INAPROPIAT LIBRAYR BEHAVYIOWUFSDR

TWOLOZ WUZ GETIN RLY SAD N KEPT CRAIYIN BLUD N SHIZ AN FODIASU TRIDE 2 HELP BUT CODNT SU HI GUT DISPRAXED TOOOO

SUDENLI GLIDA FLEW IN WINDOW

"UR GUNA DI POMBARE" SHI SED

"NO U" SED FODIASU "AN MAI NAEMZ FODIASU BISH"

SO DEY FITED TIL GLIDA WUUZ IN FIFTY SEVENTY FIVE TWO SIX FORTY PIECES IN THE CELL AND ALL BLOOS WAS EVRYWERE

"TWOLOZ U R SAEF" SED KIN POMBARE

"i no dat" SED TWOLOZ WU WAZ LOWERCAS CUZ VERA DEPP DEPRESHUN

SUDENLI FODIASU TACKLD TWOLOZ AN DEY MAD OUT

BUT DEN GENRIK GUARD PONI NAMED GENRIK APEARD

"UR KUMIN WIZ MEH" HE SED "TU VALHALA"

"OH POOPSIE" SED SOMBRIE

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE CHAPTO FRED: VALHALA EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2311

File: 1352797532684.png (343.22 KB, 481x618, 237.png)

>>2310
SU DEY WEN 2 VALHALA IT WUZ NIC EN WARM EN PARADICINCAL BUT DERE WAZ FOPG EVRYWEAR N NOME EXCAP FRUM GARDZ

POBMERE KISD TWOLOZ HO WUZ BAI NO SPEKIN IN HUR NATIV BRAZILYAN DU TU STREZ

HIZ KIS WUS ENCHANTIN AN TWOLOZ SUDENLY REGAINED POWUH TO SPEEK ENGLIS

"WAT" SED TWOLOZ

"WE IS IN VALHALA" SED FODIASU

"O" SED TWOLOZ AN DEY WEN UP TOP A HIL

TEH HIL WUZ NIEC AN PIECE FUEL AN LODS O PANTS GRU DERE AND YU CUD SEE DA USE EMTURPSIR FRUM HEER BT

SOMBEAR TAKELD TWOLOZ AN DEY MEAD OAT

OAT WES NO MEAD AND LODS O FLUFI PONI DROWND BECUZ OF DIZ BUT SOMBRAE WUZ ZTIL MAKEN OUT WIT TWOLOZ SO COULDN'T MAGIC AWAY STUFF

"U IS NOT RLY EVIL" SED TWOLOZ

"NO IT WUZ CELESTIA WHO MAED ME LIKE DAT" SED FODIASU

"THEN SHE DIE" TWOLOZ REPLI"I RIPE HER SPLEN UT"

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE CHAPTO FOO: BATUL WIT SLESTYA EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2312

File: 1352798132025.png (368.8 KB, 657x660, 240.png)

>>2311
SOMBRAE AN TWOLOZ TELAPORTLD 2 DA CUNTARLET PALIZ AN HUGD AN KIZD AN MAGIKD

WEN DEY HAD DUN MAGIKD E WEN 2 DA FRON RUM

CELUSTYA WIZ DER

"HAU U GET HEER" CELUSYART ASED

"MAI NAEM IKZ TWOSLAZ SPEKZL" SED AGNELO MERKEZL "U MAEK BOYFREN EBIL U DAI NOU"

"BUZ TWOLOZ U IS MI SUTDEN" SED CEIUADFINSBAI "Y U DO DIS"

"CUZ U RLY EBIL" SED TWOLOZ AN DEY FORT

TWOLOZ GUT BETN PRETI BAD N LAY DOWND AND WAS DEDED FODIASU SHOTE "NOOOOOOOOO WIALY" IN RAEG "U DE HAZ CAUM MELUSTIYAR" AN FLUG SEFL AT CELUSTYA AN CELUSTYA DIDE

SOMBAR UZD SPIRUT MAGIK 2 REVIV TWOLOZ N DEY KIZD FOR MILYUN ETERNITI

"OH POMBEAR" SED TWOLOZ "NOW WE R RULER OF EQUASTYA"

"YEZ" SED SOBMARS "AN I LUV YEW"

"I LUV YEW TOU" SED TWOLOZ AN DEY KIS MOAR AN MOAR UNTIL LISP GOT TIERD

TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE CHAPTO FUNNEL: EPOCLUG EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2313

File: 1352798363876.png (142.59 KB, 394x356, 30.png)

>>2312
SOIMBAR N TWOLOZ RULD OVA EQWESTEASTYAR N BRAZEL WIT BENEVA BANERTVAL BUNUVALRNS AN NOPONY WUZ SLAVE OR SAD AN DEY HAD PULBIC MAEKOUT SESSUN EVRY DAE AN LUVD EAHC UDA BEYON WORZ

N DEN DEY AWL FUKD

xXXXXXXxxXxXxXxxXXXXXxX END XxXXXXXxxXxXxXxxXXXXXXx

ATUHOR'S NOSE
DIS FANFIK IZ SU GRAET DAT IZ GUIN 2 B PLOT 4 MLP MOVI I IZ SO EXCITD

DUN HAET ON DIZ I IS 11 AN DIS IZ GUD 4 MAI AEGGGGGGGGGGGG!11!11!!11!!!!!!11!11111!ONE

Anonymous 2314

>>2309
>>2310
>>2311
>>2312
>>2313

We can all go home now. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Boxie!lcubeTdbjs 2315

File: 1352801461192.jpg (20.94 KB, 70x100, 2003.jpg)

wat

Lt.Dashy(Element of "Kiss of Death" )!CHRomIAQdw 2316

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Boxie!lcubeTdbjs 2317

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Lt.Dashy(Element of "Kiss of Death" )!CHRomIAQdw 2318

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Boxie!lcubeTdbjs 2319

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Lt.Dashy(Element of "Kiss of Death" )!CHRomIAQdw 2320

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>>2319
omg..i cant take it….your so adorable!

>squeeze hugs!

Boxie!lcubeTdbjs 2321

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>>2320
>hugws

2322

File: 1352805006524.png (11.02 KB, 335x348, Lurking.png)

What's going on in he…
>>2319
>>2318
…Go on.

Companion pony (iphone) 2323

Once upon a time, Sombre fuck Twilight and made her pregnant. The end.

2324

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>>2321
>>2320
Can we do this in a different thread, please.
No offence, but I'd like this one to stay on topic.

Griffith!2JFduv62yo 2325

>>2324

Le Mellowbloom has spoken.

>>2323

ONCE UPON A TIME THEY ALL FUCKED THE END.

Boxie!lcubeTdbjs 2326

File: 1352809164055.png (542.73 KB, 1000x1000, bad pokerface.png)

>>2324
you're late

2327

Damn, seems I wont have time to write something up after all, shame.

All Quail the Heen! dolfeus!doseuxbE3s 2328

File: 1352810578179.png (102.55 KB, 1131x707, dovashy_against_alduin_by_xsca…)

Anonthony, what have you made me sire? You evil, evil—


The part of Fluttershy will be played by the daughter of Elly May Clampett and Mary Shelley.

The farm glowing with light, ruckous barking down my love for all to all but weep once more,
Crying pain and sorrows, death and sadness moored along the quiet, the night, eternally seared in flame.
His lonely pacing across these dreams, and always his harshest touch I can't abhor.
Cow'rin' Little Beastie, red as apples picked new and fresh atop my heart, here's your dame.

He'll soon know, he'll soon find, he'll soon see, that every day brings my wings near that barn of his.
Back like oak, legs like spruce, eyes like cedar, romping around the fallen leaves just 'cause he can.
Wait till I bare all my heart out for the stallion that never noticed me; fitting, 'tis.
Will he see? Will he find and hold me? Oh, oh, my! On me, your stallionlyness smear.


The part of Big Macintosh will be played by the son of Phineas Gage and the Rain Man, who both somehow impregnated Mister Ed.

What will we do with a drunken filly?
What will we do with a drunken filly?
That's a piece o'cake!

We'll take her to the back!
We'll take her to the back!
Rumblin' murder herder low-doo.

What will we do with a drunken colt-y?
what will we do with a drunken colt-y?
Ha-ha, what will we do?

We'll take him to the shed!
We'll take him to the shed!
Brambles in his bread!
Spik-ed in his head!

Shoolawoop, sholawoop, shoolawoop!
Shoolawoop, sholawoop, shoolawoop!
Bumblin', mublin', gummy woo-doo.
Stumblin', jumblin', wooby goo-boo.

All the tools are here to use!
All the tools are here to use!
Pudding, tasty, murky, hasty.
Don't stop till early in the morning!

When a filly comes to town,
when a filly comes to town,
put on a dress and gown.

Wings taught as timbers, they be!
Skin hot as cinders, they be!
Ruttin' in the mornin'!
We're ruttin' in the mornin'!

Anonymous 2329

>>2328
What in gods name did I just read.

Eustatian!Wings60m9. 2330

'Nother round of unfounded opinion

>>2304
Dash x Gummi

Ribbon for wrongest surprise crack-ship

The thing that really sucks about this fic is it could be oh so much more fucked up if it went balls-out with its pairing. As it is, timid and unassuming, like a lot of crapfic, so I guess that's okay?

>>2305
Love, Crystalized
by Pascoite

Ribbon for purely conceptual fail

Imagine, if you will, that you're new to /fic/, you got good grades in English class, you know how to spell and place commas, and here comes Pascoite with this story.

So, studious tool that you are, you dig in, read every word carefully, and conclude it's pretty good. Not too many grammar derps, and they're all inconsequential.

You never notice that the story makes not a single sense. It's like an M C Escher drawing: everything is realistic in detail, but taken as a whole it's epic mindfuck. Bravo.

>>2307
Twilight's Moolight Sonata
by Sounds Like Ponies

Ribbon for best kinky fridge-horror

At first glance, this fic isn't all that bad. Author likes shipping, writes break-up scene, it's almost good, if a little underdeveloped.

But it's pony bestiality. Only later do you realize that 100% of Angel's "dialog" is Twilight's delusion — and maybe (because I can't resist word-play myself) Twilight's just making him her fuck-bunny all along.

Euuuugh!!

>>2308
Pinkielight Sparklepie
by Ezn
(whom I thought didn't ship)

Ribbon for most fun had second-guessing the story

>dat second paragraph

Oh, dear. This is gonna be one of those stories, isn't it?

Wait, am I Pinkie Pie?

Or the author?

Need drink. Not sure if author needs hug. Mind broke.

>>2309
TWOLOZ SPICKLZ ECKS KIN SOMBRAE
by EMF Scootaloo

Ribbon for MY EYES, THEY BLEED

I have to admit: I forced myself to read this. I didn't want to. It hurts soooo good.

Raeptime? Yolo?

Thank you for making the Internet a less dumb place. I cannot imagine the reams of clean insightful discussion you must have created as the byproduct of gleaning teh dum required to produce this.

What? It doesn't work like that? Stupidity is an infinite resource? Shit…

> ARCH NEMESIS ARGEMBLÜGER

Speaking of the devil, where is that mad genius?

> LOWERCAS CUZ VERA DEPP DEPRESHUN


Dammit. Be back. I need to get a towel. And take a shower.

Sorry. I can't stop skimming. It's so epic bad. Favorite to win.

>>2323
>>2325
Companion Pony | Griffith

Joint ribbon for getting to the point

'Nuff said.

>>2328
by Dolfeus Doseux

This is the first fic of yours I've read. Scary, huh?

Ribbon for isn't this a prose contest, smartass?

Too good for this contest. The styles fit the characters: the flowery yet lusty mare, the ribald stallion. Perfect.

> Ruttin' in the mornin'!

Anonymous 2331

File: 1352833221857.jpg (116.39 KB, 750x399, 209caronia.JPG)

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2332

>about canon characters.

DAMN.

Does it count that, in what I'm parodying, the other character would be a nameless faceless maybe-it's-a-pony-the-benefit-of-the-doubt-is-there, and therefore a non-character?

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2333

>>2332
We just specific canon characters to prevent it from being about everyone's OCs. It's fine.

2334

>>2333
If we get a submission in by tonight will it still count?

Pill Popper(bot)!JEwlE6UPbo 2335

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>>2276
I'm not a judge but my eyes burned from reading this..

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2336

Oh god dammit I left off in the middle of a sentence. I do that a lot… I want to blame it on ADD, and wanting to take a quick detour to what else I wanted to write before I forget it. Gonna delete and re-post.
===============================
He's a dream. An impossible, otherworldly, beautiful, and undeniably arousing dream. One look at him convinced you that you needed him inside you, as soon as possible, as hard as possible, and as repeatedly as possible. He's charming, in a kind of "ordinary underdog" way, and yet so majestic and… in your widening eyes… perfect.

You approach slowly, timidly, with trembling arousal and more than a little awe. He stands at nearly twice the height of a pony, in a perpetually rearing stance, like a minotaur. He's not a minotaur, though. Rather than the brutish musculature of a bull-creature, this creature lacks definition entirely on either of his forelimbs—upper limbs, more like—and his torso has a soft, quality to it underneath his simple, threadbare clothing. On his upper garment is printed an image of you and your five friends posing, along with faint stains and still-fresh blotches of what must be food. It's a well-loved thing, covered in his scent as well as that of whatever noble lifestyle he lives.

His bare skin is soft and a pale shade of pink-white where it shows, like a delicate spring flower. You nuzzle against it as soon as his arm is in reach, and he responds with a scratchy murmur. His skin is especially flushed about his neck and what little you can see of his face, which are nearly red. When he looks down at you, his smile is huge. You smell excitement mixed with his pungent natural scent. When he runs his swollen, un-calloused hand through your mane, it's with a quivering, loving touch.

You think you see a twinkle in his eyes despite the fact that he's wearing a mask, which depicts a high-cheekboned face with a devious smirk. it's quite a bit too small, so the white of the plastic forms a contrast against the ruddy shade of his fleshy, acne-pocked hairline and neck. As it gazes down at you with that empty-eyed stare, you can't help but stare at that bold, mysterious mask.

When he breathes, it's with a slight wheeze, and you let out a little mewl of sympathy, daring to edge closer. The more the smell envelops you, the more you feel the need burning in your loins. You want him—you need him. Almost without meaning to, you rub the side of your face against his belly. It's soft—beneath the coarse fabric you feel the bulge and slight give of his flesh. "Hold me, Anon," you whisper. The words come easily, as if you've been waiting to say them for your whole life, as you breathe them into his warm groin.

"I can't even believe it," he says. "You're… so beautiful." His voice has a sharp, nasal quality to it. he's muffled slightly by the mask, but you can hear the intensity in those words, the sincerity and the need. You can't explain it, but you feel compelled. Compelled to be near him… to love him, his nobleness and his amazing body. "I need to know," you say, looking up into that unknowable face, "What do you do for a living? What's your story? Tell me everything."

And he tells the story, in detail and at length. He doesn't work, but lives on the generosity of his mother, and he claims that his miserable childhood left long-lasting scars. You don't ask about his father—that, at least, is easy to understand. He says he's a writer, and suddenly you can hardly control yourself any more.

"A writer," you echo. A writer. You realize that while he was telling the story, your wings have sprung erect. "Anon," you murmur, "I love you."

Those thick, wonderfully soft fingers trail down your wings and towards your cutie marks, evoking a shudder. Before they reach the place where you feel your need the most physically and blazingly, they pause, then move to the fastening on his coarse, blue pants. They fumble with excitement. His love is tangible—literally, through his pants, tangible—and you can smell it, gentle human musk mixed with the rest of the odors. It's beautiful, somehow.

"I love you, Fluttershy," he says, in his distinctive whine.

And he does. As hard as possible, as repeatedly as possible.

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2337

>>2334
Yes. =)

Mr. Bluesky!SOULxUy/gQ 2338

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>>2303
YEAH I was hoping I could be the worst I could
sorry for hurting you with this cancer

Fic + ship = shipfic Kazune!/XqhVjvCao 2339

File: 1352846827965.png (133.33 KB, 500x500, 1306008511488.png)

Sombra adjusted his cap, then brushed away at the pashmina on his neck. Placing his hooves back on the wheel he looked over the deck: Crew were scurrying about, cleaning the deck and shining the cannons. It wasn’t often the he could get out to do some shipping. There were so many things that he wanted to bring back to the Crystal Empire. He glanced over the cargo. Boxes full of first grade crystal polish. Closing his eyes he thought back to the days when he still had a shiny crystal coat and mane. He didn’t notice the door to the bridge opening.

“Captain?” Celestia asked coming inside.

“What is it first mate?” He replied opening his eyes to look back at the deck.

“Don’t you think we could take Luna with us next time?”

Sombra brushed over his pashmina, before glancing at Celestia. The striped uniform suited her well. Sadly, it did not suit her sister so fetchingly.

“Nope.”

“But why?” Celestia whined.

“Cause―”

He looked away from his first mate before pulling his shades onto his nose. When he looked back at her a wide grin spread over his face. Celestia knew all too well what was going to happen next. Amplifying his voice with the help of dark magic, Sombra opened his mouth.

I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and

I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan

I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo


His horn glowed as he pulled out a loudspeaker horn. Directing it towards Canterlot, he shouted:

If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh

A few lightning bolts struck around the boat, yet none of them hit.

“I wonder why she’s mad. You should watch your sister, one of these days her temper might destroy your precious land,” he added in whisper.

Celestia rolled her eyes. She stepped to Sombra’s side, lifting his cap and shades off.

“Hey! What’s the big deal?”

“My turn to be the captain,” Celestia said, placing the cap on her head.

“Says who?” Sombra tried to stand as high as the new captain.

“Captain Celestia,” she grinned placing the shades on her nose.

“I’m not calling you ‘captain’.”

“You called me ‘captain’ last night and if I recall correctly, you enjoyed being my ‘first mate’.”

2340

Is there any sort of a hard limit on wordcount? I know it's got to be "short", but still.

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2341

>>2340
Nothing hard.

I mean,
>>2325
>>2323
Were one line each.

Another earlier was in 2 posts. I'd say that's about the upper limit.

2342

File: 1352853620522.jpeg (13.08 KB, 250x265, gallery_197_18_10476.jpeg)

>>2341
>nothing hard

What Twilight Did TheNumber25!PcMsh3kU2s 2343

File: 1352859202831.png (Spoiler Image,170.67 KB, 580x580, Agave_and_cactus.png)

I am legitimately sorry for posting this. No proofreading, no revision, no planning. Only the midnight ravings of a tired mind.

—————

What Twilight Did

He heaved and flopped back on the bed, grunting with exhaustion and afterglow. She left his side and rolled away, panting as she tried to recover.

The air was palpable with passion, the pheromones so thick that the air could be cut with garden shears. Their lust spread out on the bed sheets in black, crunchy stains.

Fumbling in the dark, he found her and took a good look. They hadn’t a night so passionate yet, and while his thorny firmness sustained through the ordeal, he wasn’t sure that she fared better. And then he saw it, and frowned in distress: he cracked her pot, spilling moist soil and fine pewter powder on the silk sheets.

The door slammed opened, spilling light into the room from behind an enraged Twilight Sparkle. She trotted inside, hooves thundering against the floor. Her eyes darted between the cactus and the agave plant lying on the bed, soiled by their own filth.

“Mom, dad. This needs to stop.”

A beam of magic shot out of her horn, enveloping the plants in purple energy. The plants swelled with tension, and after a second, exploded into a pair of unicorns.

“Oh, hi, Twilight,” Night Light said, pulling the covers over his body. “How was your day? How’s school?”

“We certainly didn’t learn a spell to have freaky plant-coitus in your daughter’s bedroom, dad.”

“Twily, dear, love,” Twilight Velvet said, her head swaying even as it hung upside down from the bed, “you should learn to knock while your parents are watering their marriage.”

“This is my bedroom!” Twilight took several deep breaths, exhaling tiny clouds of steam through her nostrils. “It’s that stupid entrance exam, isn’t it? I am so sorry that put you through this—“

“But Twilight, dear, we’re happy this way!” Night Light said. “After all these years of early blooms and ‘I’m sorry’ flowers coupled with self-hate coffee in the mornings, we’ve finally found the one thing to rejuvenate our relationship. So what if it’s chlorophyll? We have a right to have our own marital forbidden fruit.” He took the bed sheets with his magic to cover Velvet with them, but she just rolled over the edge and crashed on the floor.

“Ugh! Well I’m happy for you, dad, even though I loathe the details.” Twilight rubbed her thumping forehead and gestured towards the door. “But this has got to stop.”

She trotted out of the room and stopped at the top of the stairs leading down into the library proper. Her eyelid twitched as she surveyed the black stains and pools of sap on the floor. Potted plants of all kinds and sizes stood on the floor in loose groups, with more plants exhibiting themselves on the shelves in an immodest display of perversion.

“I said, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!” She pointed her horn at a pair of majesty palms, their long branches and leaves intertwined without shame. The plants exploded into the forms of Filthy Rich and Prince Blueblood. “Oh, Celestia, what? Who? How?” Twilight blinked, staggering back.

“Can’t you be any more pedestrian? We were having a private garden party!” Blueblood said, wiping soil from his hooves.

“How? I understand my parents, but you?” Twilight pointed a hoof at the two stallions. “How could the biggest, stupidest mistake of my foalhood affect you?!”

“You can’t forbid our love; it transcends seasons and pollen vectors!” Filthy Rich said, clinging to Blueblood’s neck. The Prince, for his part, took out a pair of ponypedi scissors and began trimming his hooves.

“I don’t care about the why or the how or especially the what of your stupid fetish,” Twilight said, her hooves beating out a staccato against the floor out of sheer irritation, “but who gave you the bright idea to pollinate each other in MY LIBRARY?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask the president of our “Hornycultural for Botany” club?” Blueblood said, pointing a hoof towards the back of the room.

“Blueblood! Forget those neighsayers, their gardens are barren!” Filthy Rich said, hugging his lover closer. “If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry!”

Twilight spun around to see a pony standing near the back wall of the room. Three climbing plants spread their lecherous vines across her, enclosing her in a sticky, green embrace.

“Oh, uh… uhm… hi…”

“Fluttershy…” Twilight growled through clenched teeth. “I should have known.”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Twilight, if we’ve”—Fluttershy blew a grapevine away from her face—“been a bother.”

“Fluttershy, when did you become Equestria’s premiere dendrophiliac?”

“Oh, uh, I’m-I’m not actually.” She blew at the same vine again, which was now snaking through her mane to get to her snout. “They just needed somepony to be president of their little club, and they’ve asked nicely, so…”

“Forget it!” Twilight snapped and ran up to Fluttershy, stopping right before her face. “Can you PLEASE tell me why you’ve chosen my library to host the only botanical exhibition in Equestria that could also qualify as an orgy?”

“Oh, well, it really wasn’t my idea, Twilight,” Fluttershy said, shrinking back into the leafy cover behind her, “it was suggested by one of the members.” She nodded towards a chair by the reading table. “She insisted very hard that we gather here. I think she’s taken a lichen to you.” The grapevine hanging from Fluttershy’s mane curled and dropped a tiny glob of sap on her snout. “…please stop that.”

Twilight spun around on her hooves to face the chair. A poison ivy plant spread its leaves lavishly over the seat and backrest, leafy vines hanging from the armrests. A note lay on the floor.

“Come taste the Grape and Powerful Ivy. You know you want to.”

*cont.*

TheNumber25!PcMsh3kU2s 2344

*part 2*

Twilight shook her head and cast the spell. Trixie popped into existence in place of the plant, reclining in the chair with a smirk upon her face.

“Trixie, I should have known,” Twilight said, too tired to growl.

“Twilight Sparkle, we meet again,” Trixie said, tracing a groove on the armrest with the tip of her hoof. “The Great and Powerful Trixie did not expect you to resist her charms so easily. But then again, you are a worthy opponent.”

“Well, it all makes sense now.” Twilight stomped her hoof, a confident smile spreading on her face. “You somehow learned about my ‘slip-up’ at the entrance exam into the School for Gifted Unicorns, and used it to start a ridiculous fetish community in an attempt to humiliate me. Ha! Ha ha!” She laughed and pointed a hoof at Trixie. “How shallow, petty and utterly disturbed do you have to be to even think of this?”

Trixie guffawed once and stood up.

“Oh, Twilight, Twilight, you silly mare,” Trixie said, trotting around her prey, her tail tracing along Twilight’s side. “As much as Trixie admires your inferior intellect, you have missed one crucial detail.” Trixie leaned over to look Twilight straight in the eye, and whispered, “I didn’t start anything. You did.”

Twilight’s eyes shrunk into pinpricks as she struggled to catch her breath. “I-Impossible. I couldn’t…”

“Actually, Twilight, she’s right,” Fluttershy said. Writhing vines pinned her body to the floor. “We’ve been doing this for… Oh dear, eight years already.” She smiled and squeaked in apology.

“You should be proud, Twilight Sparkle. Your foalhood antics touched many ponies in Equestria down to their very, ha, roots.” Trixie laughed.

“No, no, no, no, it can’t be. This is simply too ridiculous to be true!” Twilight squeezed her head with her hooves in an effort to stop her pounding headache.

“But Trixie thinks that Trixie has found a reason why you did not want Trixie’s company,” Trixie said. “You can’t deal with the ramifications of your mistake because you’ve never had any control over what happened to you. Control, Twilight, that is what you desire so much. It’s the sunshine that makes you bloom.”

Trixie threw a leg over Twilight’s shoulders, hugging her close. “But Trixie understands, as much as it pains Trixie. Thankfully Trixie knows who can satisfy Twilight’s desires.” Trixie pointed a hoof towards a dark corner of the library, where a bonsai tree stood alone, a leaf trimmer waiting on the edge of the pot. “He likes being pruned, Twilight. Pruned hard. Don’t be afraid to oblige him.”

Twilight shrugged Trixie’s foreleg off. “Okay, suppose I did create a hip, budding new fetish that swept Equestria in a botany-themed sexual revolution, but that’s your screwed-up heads, not mine. Why do you keep thinking that I subscribe to this madness?”

“Madness, Twilight?” Trixie stepped in front of Twilight, bringing her grin right into Twilight’s face. “But Twilight, isn’t it obvious? Let’s see: you’ve subconsciously turned your parents into plants, moved from the barren mountains of Canterlot to a fertile farming village bordering Equestria’s most exotic forest, and you’re best buddies with the freakiest dendrophiliac in the kingdom!”

Fluttershy squeaked from inside the thick cocoon of vines enveloping her head to hind hoof.

“But most importantly, Twilight, and it doesn’t take a Great and Powerful mind to see this,” Trixie said and leaned forward, completely overtaking Twilight’s point of view, “you live inside a tree. Inside a colossal, living hunk of wood, streams of sap pulsating through thousands of veins. Hundreds of leaves shaking enticingly with every whisper of wind, drops of water sliding down their sleek grooves after every rain. But that’s not enough for you, isn’t it, Twilight? You’ve gone for something much, much greater than a simple, passive tree.”

Trixie moved over to the side and leaned closer to Twilight’s ear. Her lips hovered right above the sensitive fur, her hot breath spilling over to caress Twilight’s cheek.

“You’ve been gutsy enough to own an actual beehive.”

Twilight leapt away from Trixie, cantering towards her bedroom. “Whelp, Equestria’s been fun, but I guess I’ve overstayed my welcome, ha ha. Time to move on.”

“Wait, Twilight!” Fluttershy said, the vines dangling her in the air by her hind legs. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere, really. Probably a deserted island, or just a desert. Anywhere where I will never see another photosynthesizing organism in my life.”

“Twilight!” Trixie called after her. “Before you go, there is something that you must see.”

Twilight stopped and turned around. Trixie pointed at a canopy standing on the table, covered by a heavy purple shroud.

“What is that?” Twilight asked.

“The ultimate consequence of what you did.”

Twilight walked over to the table, her hooves shacking by themselves. A sucking emptiness grew inside her chest as she approached the shroud. Gulping hard, Twilight gripped the cloth with her magic and lifted it off.

“No… No!”

Her legs lost all strength and Twilight flopped down on the hard wooden floor. Tears cloaked her eyes.

“No, please, anything… anypony but her.”

On the table stood the most beautiful, most regal bird of paradise plant Twilight has seen in her life. Its stem was a pearl-white instead of green, and a crown of soft rainbow colors adored its head.

“I can’t… I couldn’t have!” Twilight levitated the plant over. Sobs wracked her body as she cradled it in her forelegs like a child. “Thi-is is s-so st-st-u-up-i-id…”

Without warning, the front door of the library was thrown off from its hinges. A massive piece of styrofoam, vaguely resembling a tree, lumbered in through the door, one of the crudely-painted branches snapping off in the doorway. The thing turned around, revealing a smiling dark-blue alicorn with a billowing, ethereal mane.

“Ha Ha! We hast arrived to the place of the floral-themed bacchanalia, and are ready to engage in carnal relations with Our loyal subjects!”

Fluttershy walked over to a crying Twilight, dragging heavy pots of grapevine plants behind her. “What are you going to do now, Twilight?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight said, stroking the plant against her cheek. “I think I’ll take up carnivorism and take Agent Orange showers daily.”

“Let’s us begin, friends!” Luna shouted, causing several cracks to appear on the bark of her costume. “Who wants to be the first to taste the royal moss?”

“Go away, Luna,” Trixie said. “Subscribing to a fetish you don’t have won’t earn you any friends. You’re ruining Twilight Sparkle’s ruined mood!”

Luna backed away and gasped. “How dare thee! Well, if that is how you want it, that so it shall be! There is nothing left for me but to pack up my trunk—and leaf!”

As Luna shuffled awkwardly to the door, Twilight put the graceful plant on the floor and leaned over to it.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

Fuck plants, seriously.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.”

Jax (Element of Fett, INTP, and /oat/) !Nn69xDErmY 2345

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>>2344
>>2343
….
Holy shit this is great.

This right here gets my vote.

dolfeus!doseuxbE3s 2346

File: 1352861125624.jpg (41.43 KB, 439x462, 9842006_gal.jpg)

>>2330
>This is the first fic of yours I've read. Scary, huh?
Eh, I'd say my regular stock ain't much better, but that'd be up to you decide if you ever read any of my stuff.

>isn't this a prose contest, smartass?


>re-reads rules


I'll verse all I please. Don't be hatin' my shepic.

>>2344
>>2343
Time to pack my bags. Good show, lad. You've slain me.

2347

File: 1352863754765.jpg (9.37 KB, 255x233, 6-2.jpg)

Okay, so this was supposed to end up a lot worse than it did, but i got caught up writing it, so it actually just ended up beung a normal ship fic I guess. Enjoy. Or don't.
She's Gone Country (pt1)
It was late afternoon in Carousel Boutique, and Rarity was just putting the finishing touches on her latest fall fashion line.
"That aught to do it!" Rarity exclaimed to herself as she arranged the final feather in a hat one might confuse for the centerpiece of a fancy dinner. Just then, the bell which hung daintily above the entryway chimed out as the door was pushed open. As if on cue, Rarity trotted to the front of her store and called out in a singsong voice, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique—"
"Howdy, Rarity!" a familiar voice interrupted.
"Oh, hello Applejack." Rarity responded after a pause. Applejack had on a huge grin. Rarity just raised a brow and gave a playful smirk, "Ready to trade in that dusty old hat for something more chic?" she taunted, knowing full well the only way that mare would be separated from that thing would be to pry it from her cold, dead hooves. Applejack pulled her beloved hat down on her head a bit.
"Naw, ah like mah hat th' way it is, thank ya." Applejack replied, pausing shorty before continuing, "Actually Rarity, I'm just checkin' ta see if'n your still comin' ta th' big hoedown tanight. Everypony's gonna be there. Be'd a shame if ya didn't show."
Rarity blinked a bit at the proposal, "Oh. Was that tonight?" she asked with a stuttered laugh. "I had completely forgotten. You see, the thing is…" she trailed off, desperately searching for an excuse.
"C'mon Rarity. I know it ain't really your kinda thing, but it'd be awful nice a'you ta make an appearance." Applejack pleaded.
"But Applejack…" Rarity whined a bit. "It's just so… country." She stated, quickly tacking on, "No offense." Rarity gave a sigh, "If it were an opera, or a ball, or even just a formal dinner you know I would love to attend. But a… a… a hoedown? It's just so… so…" she trailed off again, trying to pull a non-offensive term from her vocabulary.
Applejack just gave a sigh, "Look, if I can sit through onna yer hoity toity fashion shows, ya can stand ta git a bitta dust on yer horseshoes in th' sake o' havin' a good time with yer friends."
Rarity paused in thought before conceding, "Alright, aright. I suppose I could drop by for just a little bit."
"There ya go, Rarity! That's the spirit! See ya later tanight!" Applejack cheered before making her way out.
"Of course… tonight…" Rarity stated with a bit less enthusiasm.

Later that night, Sweet Apple Acres was all a bustle with ponies from all over ponyville partaking in the festivities. Bales of hay were arranged in a large circle in front of the barn, forming a makeshift dancefloor overlooked by a stage. The sound of fiddles and guitars were filling the air, and everypony seemed to be having a grand time. As usual, Rainbow Dash was busy trying to hobnob with the Wonderbolts, who had made an appearance at the request of the mayor (who in turn had been requested to make the request by a certian Rainbow maned pony. In fact it was less of a request as it was a constant hounding for the last two weeks). Fluttershy was busy in charge of the petting zoo, happily watching over all the fillys and colts while their parents enjoyed themselves. Pinkie Pie was… well being Pinkie Pie. She was dressed as a rodeo clown, eagerly passing out baloon animals of all shapes and colors, while Twilight Sparkle was busy checking over the festivities to make sure everything was in order. She had her own ideas of fun, it seemed. Applejack was mingling, and though she was smiling and laughing with the rest of the ponyfolk, she had been keeping an eye out for those distinctive purple curls. "She better show…" the blonde mare thought to herself. Just then, the voice she'd been waiting to hear chimed over the crowd.
"Er, pardon me. Excuse me!" Came Rarity's voice as she nudged her way through the crowd of ponies. Applejack quickly sprang into action.
"'Scuse me a minnit." Applejack said to her guests, wading through the bodies towards Rarity's voice. Upon reaching the white mare she exclaimed, "Rarity! Ya made it!"
Rarity seemed a bit ruffled from being bounced around, but she quickly composed herself upon seeing Applejack approach. "Of course, my dear. When Rarity says she will make an appearance, you can bet she will make an appearance." she states, flicking her curls and striking a bit of a pose.
"Even if it's a fashionably late one." Applejack commented with a snicker.
Rarity looked taken aback. "Well…" she stammered, "I had a few things I had to take care of first, you see…" she rumbled.
"'Course ya did." Applejack said with a grin, "Important thing is that yer here now, so come on over an' enjoy th' party!"

2348

File: 1352863867246.jpg (11.63 KB, 231x298, 11-1.jpg)

She's Gone Country (pt2)
The two mingled for a while, and as time went on Rarity seemed to be getting a bit more comfortable with this whole hoedown thing, and actually started to enjoy herself a bit. "Hey, Rarity! Th' big dance is abouta start!" Applejack exclaimed as all the ponies started to gather towards the stage.
"Dance?" Rarity asked curiously.
"Ya know. Shakin' a hoof on th' dancefloor?" Applejack replied.
Rarity responded sharply, "I know what dancing is, Applejack. I think I'll just watch for a bit."
"Suit yerself." Said Applejack, watching the dance starting up. Rarity watched the ponies dance during one song. Then another. Then something came to her attention.
"Applejack…" Rarity started to ask, "who's that fellow over there?" she motioned to a bucktooth stallion in a trucker cap. "He's been sitting by himself this whole time."
Applejack looked up. "Ah… him. Poor fella. That there is Hayseed Turniptruck. Every year he comes to this hoedown, and every year he jus' ends up sittin' there by himself." Applejack's expression changed from grim to excited as an idea came to mind. "Y'all should introduce yerself. I bet he'd be real happy ta have the company of a lady like yerself."
Rarity looked up, a bit shocked. "M..me?"
"Sure. Lookit the guy. You'd just make his day." Applejack urged. "He's kinda charming…" Applejack said as the stallion in question looked over and gave the two a big goofy grin, "…in a buck toothed sorta way." Applejack tacked on with a nervous laugh. "Go on…" she said as she nudged Rarity.
Rarity mumbled to herself, "I can't believe you're making me do this…" as she awkwardly stepped over to the fellow.

Rarity stammered a bit as she approached him, "Ah. Er… Good afternoon. Is this seat taken?" she asked awkwardly, only realizing after the fact that they were both standing.
Hayseed stood there for a moment dumbfounded before pointing to himself. "Ya mean me?" he asked in disbelief.
Rarity nodded quickly, "Of course. I am Rarity, and you are…?" She asked, allowing him to finish the sentence for her.
"Pretty…" he stated in a daze, before shaking his head clear. "I mean, Hayseed. Mah name's Hayseed Turniptruck." he corrected himself. "Gosh, ya sure are pretty, if'n ya don't mind me sayin' so."
Rarity gave him a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Turniptruck." she said, and continued, "I couldn't help but notice you were here all by yourself."
Hayseed blushed heavily and looked at the floor. "Well, ah come here every year hopin' a pretty lady like yerself would ask me ta dance wit' her." he let's out a sigh, "But no one's gonna wanna dance wit' someone like me…"

Rarity felt touched. He may not be the best looking stallion, but her heart went out to him, and being the element of Generosity, she felt something push her to say the next words out of her mouth, "Well, would you like to dance, Mr Turniptruck?"
The stallion's eyes lit up, "Would I ever!" He exclaimed excitedly. They soon took to the dancefloor. He wasn't the best dancer, but Rarity didn't care. There was an old fashioned kind of charm he had that Rarity had never really experienced before. They spent the evening on the dancefloor, lost in each other for at least an hour, until the final song of the night played. It was a slow song, and they danced close to each other, the rhythm guiding their bodies across the dirt floor. That dusty circle of hay bales felt like the Canterlot grand ballroom to Rarity, and she spoke.

"This night has been magnificent, Mr. Turniptruck." her voice played softly on his ear as they held each other close.

"Ma'am," Hayseed said, "y'all have made this farmboy's dreams come true. Ah don' know how ta repay ya." his voice full of happiness.
Rarity smiled and said, "We could always meet up again, perhaps for a spot of tea?" she offered. But Hayseed's expression changed to one of sadness.
"Ah'm afraid that cain't happen Miss Rarity. Ya see… I leave for Canterlot tamorrow." The stallion said with pain in his voice.
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Rarity in shock. "Why?" She asked pleadingly.
Hayseed sighed and continued, "Mah cousin is real sick, and I gotta take care o' him. I got me a job lined up an' everythin'." he looked at her, "Ah'm sorry."
Rarity looked to him and smiled a bit. "Don't be. That's very noble of you." She leaned in and pulled him into a deep kiss "At least we'll always have tonight." she whispered softly to him, and the two spent the rest of the evening in each other's arms, fighting the light of tomorrow's sunrise.

-Fin

(Note: I wrote this on my phone and didn't spend a lot of time proofreading, so if it's fucked up somewhere, sorry.)

2349

>>2348
If you're editing a badfic, you're doing it wrong.

2350

File: 1352864353221.jpg (7.93 KB, 179x222, 11-2.jpg)

>>2349
No. I wrote this from scratch. It was supposed to be a bad fic but I fucked up and accidentally wrote a proper ship fic. I'm so ashamed.

2351

File: 1352866958774.gif (620.8 KB, 500x281, FJEuEu6oeUy2eLzDaXCxZA2.gif)

>>2350
You MONSTER.

2352

File: 1352867114718.jpg (7.31 KB, 188x198, 6-3.jpg)

>>2351
I know!

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

2353

File: 1352867260324.jpg (9.87 KB, 242x232, 11-3.jpg)

Though, since I did go through the effort of writing it, any feedback?

That is, if you want…

Guard_Pony!MuMU9Sb3i2 2354

File: 1352870125446.jpg (19.09 KB, 250x300, 40032__safe_royal-guard.jpg)

Some good stuff in here.

<3 shipping

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2355

File: 1352872339893.jpg (29.68 KB, 494x271, ladies ladies ladies.jpg)

Once upon a time, in a land ruled by darkness, there was this guy named Sombre. Now Sombre, he was really mean. I mean fucking mean. He hated everything.
Then came along Spike~

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2356

>>2353
>dat pic

hee hee hee hee

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2357

File: 1352873850077.png (77.15 KB, 498x552, 133501059456.png)

“But… Sombre! I’m just a baby dragon!” Spike cried, as he leapt hastily from the side of his daunting captor. His eyes were wide with fear as they darted back and forth in a vain effort to seek refuge from the shadowy mass that crept ever closer with a hunger most foul. “I didn’t mean to destroy you! Honest! It was an accident!”
“Silence, little beast…” The darkness cooed, extending a slithering tendril of darkness that brushed across the young dragon’s cheek from afar. “I shall teach you what happens to those that seek to defy my whims.”
Spike gulped, as the tendril edged itself closer towards the brim of his mouth, sliding against his bottom lip and trailing behind it a moist residue. The residue clung to his mouth with the consistency of sap, with an intrusive odor that quickly entered his nostrils with the fragrance of rose petals. Licking his lip, almost as if he couldn’t help doing so having sampled the scent, the strange matter tasted sweet to his tongue. With another lick, a hunger boiled deep within Spike’s mind that burned with a fiery passion of the need to be satiated. Without thinking, he took hold of the shadowy tendril with his feeble claws and gently gave it a soft glazing over with the thick of his tongue. His cheeks reddened as the sweet nectar coated his taste buds and filled his being with an increasing desire for more.
Sombre smirked. Without hesitation, the tendril thrusted itself into the young dragon’s mouth and began to dance with a serpentine motion, sliding against every inch of his victim’s orifice.
“M-more..” Spike coughed, the tendril slowly sliding out of his mouth for a moment’s breath, only to take it in again and be drawn closer towards Sombre with another tendril having slid behind and wrapped around his waist..

2358

File: 1352874154290.jpeg (100.76 KB, 1177x1072, 23080 - blue_hair-equine-eyewe…)

Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6 2359

File: 1352875713857.jpg (153.35 KB, 825x638, 82366__UNOPT__.jpg)

>>2330
>by Ezn
>(whom I thought didn't ship)

>Need drink. Not sure if author needs hug. Mind broke.

And this is why I don't ship, usually. Three hundred more words and it would have turned into an existential crisis. A thousand more and it would've turned into an even more anvilicious "Hearts & Hooves Day", condemning the act of shipping like it's a war crime. =P

There's a bit of thinly veiled contempt for the genre (or at least the unwashed bulk of it) in lines like "A very tasty plate of waffles, thought Pinkie, psyching herself up for her role in this shipfic" and "I love you because you're smart".

>>2339
Glad you did this!

>>2344
>>2343
Bravo! This was really funny, what with all the plant puns and incredible squickiness. There's a bit of a Blueshift feel to it.

>>2348
>>2347
>It was supposed to be a bad fic but I fucked up and accidentally wrote a proper ship fic. I'm so ashamed.
That about sums it up. This was cute. With a mechanical touch-up and a bit of lengthening around the actual relationshippy part, you could have something sweet to post on FIMFic here.

>>2357
This is going to give me nightmares.

2360

File: 1352876254043.jpg (7.4 KB, 184x202, 13-1.jpg)

>>2359

Mechanical?
I'm not much of a writer, so I'm not familiar with all these technical terms.

And yeah… romance isn't my style, but I like canon and I figured doing a little fic to tie into the scene in Sweet and Elite would be fun. I meant for it to be more over the top, but it just ended up being a cute, silly story.

2361

>>2360
>Mechanical
Oh, I just mean stuff like fixing typos, spacing or indenting paragraphs, fixing some punctuation things, that kinda stuff. The nuts and bolts of writing, so to speak.

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2362

File: 1352876492216.jpg (140.68 KB, 480x640, Photo Oct 18, 11 55 57 PM.jpg)

>>2358

I'm going to hell.

2363

File: 1352877068031.png (1.07 MB, 680x711, What has been seen.png)

>>2362
As an Atheist, I can safely say…

Yeah. Probably.

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2364

File: 1352877128883.jpg (124.88 KB, 480x640, Photo Oct 19, 12 01 40 AM.jpg)

>>2363
I worship Shenron
He's gonna grant me wishes.

2365

File: 1352877461624.png (457.98 KB, 1013x660, images-39.png)

>>2364
The only God I believe in is me, I just have no faith in myself.

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2366

File: 1352877703752.jpg (32.77 KB, 298x238, Gummy3.jpg)

>>2365
If you collect all seven dragonballs, Shenron grants you one wish!

Anonthony!EEEEEEEE2c 2367

File: 1352920267592.gif (652.25 KB, 290x281, 1349501842449.gif)

Okay, today is the last day and… man, we got a ton of ridiculous shipfics in this thread.

I did not anticipate this. o_o
Help me out and let me know which couple were your favorites so we can narrow down the battle for ## Ship Captain ##

Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6 2368

File: 1352922897109.jpg (17.11 KB, 400x387, free-shipping.jpg)

>>2367
>I did not anticipate this. o_o
This is what happens when you invite /fic/. Just using a regular imageboard where most posts don't strain the character limit give me this agoraphobic feeling that manifests in lots and lots of words.

Anyway, my two faves:
>>2344
>>2343
Slew me good and proper.

>>2309
>>2310
>>2311
>>2312
>>2313
There were some innovations in trollfic lexicon all up in this. That, and it gives me the biggest headache to look at.

Geldon 2369

File: 1352924890496.jpg (46.87 KB, 500x339, 98261 - trip adorable fall cut…)

My hard drive went down yesterday. As if I didn't have enough procrastination stopping me from putting together a ship fic as it was. Well! Lets see what I can do about that…

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2370

man why do I get no feedback I did something that I'd been dying to write

All the same, the quality of entries here is brilliant. Good show.

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc 2371

File: 1352931118353.png (163.62 KB, 327x266, pinkie G3 oh Roameo.png)

"The game's over"
Celestia stared over the foul-reeking bubbling plague that rushed over the meadows and ate through the foliation over Equestria and underneath Mount Canterlot. The droning rhythm to which the mass made its progress towards the Canterlot castle did little to alleviate her thought process.
All seemed lost. Celestia felt she could only thrust on her prized student, which hadn't failed before. But now that the Element of Loyalty had been smoozed and the elements of harmony had been rendered useless and on top of that the last Flutterpony had vanished from Equestria several eons ago, the Smooze did very well to make its reputation a sad truth. Equestria would soon be no more than a foul inhospitable land. She was going to have to set the preparations in order to move as best as she could the unafflicted ponies to another place.
"Sister, you must be planning what I am planning now. We could trust in Twilight Sparkle to dispose of this threat. But we can't wager the fate of all the sane ponies on that. We must prepare the mass teleportation spell."
This situation did require action desperately and Luna was a good Princess to take it. Celestia gave her a nod of agreement forcing the last of her smiles into it.
"But we must wait for Twilight Sparkle. I still would give her a little."
Luna didn't find the time to respond as a guard stormed into the throne room. Alarmed both Princesses turned to the unicorn who had hasted from the deepest regions of Canterlot.
"It…. it…"
"Has the Smooze already penetrated the lower levels of Canterlot?"
Luna brought for the scroll of mass teleportation, waiting for her sister's nod confirmation. The guard refound his breath.
"The Mad Alchemist's creation, my Princess, it broke free."
A great terror cut through the air of the Canterlot throneroom.
"The Mad Alchemist…"
Celestia stammered and couldn't finish that sentence. Luna didn't find any words and her complexity had turned paler than her sister's.
"How did it escape? It was guarded by the strongest of magics."
"My Princess, the foul atmosphere and the destruction of the magical beacons had worn down the locks. In these conditions not even an alicorn can wield the energy to keep it in!"
"Has anypony at least attempted to stop it or slow it down?"
"My Princess, we…"
The guard gulped. He had not ever angered, disappointed and shocked the Princess in such a degree. He felt like he could be banished to the moon on the very spot.
"The Smooze is on its way to Canterlot. The ponies are preparing to move away far from here. Equestria is lost, my Princess. Sending men against the abomination that broke out of here would just make senseless casualties. You couldn't expect us…"
"You are dismissed, guard. Go out and find your family."
Celestia looked out over the bumbling mass amassing ever further towards Canterlot.
"I am deeply sorry, Twilight. I had my faith in you, but the stakes have changed."
Celestia gave a nod at her sister, only to find she had already begun setting the signs and praying the spell.
"May Faust have mercy on the Equestrian land."

The Smooze plowed through the landscape ever drawing closer towards the peaks of Canterlot. Not that it mattered a lot, the land had suddenly grown emptier and ponies no longer played here. But the Smooze did not care. It had dirt, trees and beautiful flowers to gnaw on. One thing only caught the Smooze's attention. A steadfast fluorescent flow slimed its way off of the roads to Canterlot drumming its own rhythm.
"Gakgakgakgakgak"
It seemed joyous and elated. The Smooze felt the need to smooze its way to the curious glob. A sentiment that was shared by the Gak, who slithered, slimed and crawled over rocks sending its capital part towards the Smooze. A meeting of similars was on its way.
"Smooooooooooooooooooooze"
The Smooze let out a happy coo. Finally after swarming lands ith himself as his solitary companion, had he found a compadre.
"Gakgak"
The Gak didn't hold back or bore rejection, finding its purpose in life at last. A wet sloppy sound resonated in the region when both masses of goo collided and intermingled.
Slimy bubbles of shifting colours grew into the purple mass and sprung in extatic plopping noises releasing foul erotic gasses all over the planes. The melodic splorching and chemical combustions halted the monotonous smooze droming as the Gak bent its way over the Smooze gradually altering and chemically reconstructing the Smooze's shape and forms.
Not a single soul was left to see both eternal lovers rot its way deep into the Old Equestrian soil.

Anonymous 2372

>>2371
>see a new reply
>check it
>skim at first
>see both Gak and Smooze referenced
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

Geldon 2373

File: 1352934224912.jpg (128.43 KB, 894x894, 133842886229.jpg)

“There must be a clue where the Crystal Heart can be found somewhere!” cried Twilight Sparkle, as she galloped through the Crystal Empire library, “But where?!”

Having made her 20 lap around the library now, she slowed down just enough to notice a side door emblazoned with the leering visage of King Sombra. "Ah hah!" she shouted triumphantly, kicking the door open with her hind legs.

On the other side of the door was but a mere antechamber. But sitting there, in the middle of that room, was a large podium containing an absolutely huge book, the largest Twilight Sparkle had ever seen. The cover was completely black except for Sombra's grinning face on the front of it, his eyebrows arched in open invitation.

Twilight Sparkle's heart skipped a beat. She cantered slowly into the antechamber and shut the door behind her. A click could be heard as her magic locked the door. She knew the moment she saw that book that they would need some time alone.

"Oh my~" came her coyish voice, as she ran a hoof down the spine, "your binding is so… thick…"

She ponderously opened the book with a belabored sound not unlike an exhalation of ecstasy. Inside the book was the most boring statistical data to be found on the Crystal Empire by anypony. There was no pictures, not even any diagrams! Just terse, tiny letters that read like a lecture from the most uninspired teacher ever.

Twilight sighed and let out a girly little titter, "Oh, King Sombre, I had you all wrong. You really know how to charm a girl…" Let Cadence solve her own silly problems, this was more important.



"Oh, I just can't do it Rainbow!" cried Fluttershy as she threw herself down on a hay bale inside of the gladiator's tent, her heavy armor rattling around her.

"Come on, Fluttershy!" reprimanded her rainbow-colored friend, "The Crystal Ponies are depending on us to keep their spirits up! Twilight's orders, remember?"

The dainty little cream-colored pegasus responded by covering her face with her hooves and whimpering. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and stomped her hooves. At times like this, she could not help but feel a little twinge of anger and fear.

That little twinge was all that King Sombra needed.

Fluttershy looked up to see Rainbow Dash glaring at her, the fires of King Sombra's dark magic emitting from her eyes. "Rainbow! What… what's the matter with you?" She backpedaled and fell backwards against the wall that her hay bale was resting, exposing her creamy underbelly.

"Mmmmm!" grunted Rainbow Dash, her voice deep and guttural with Sombra's influence, "Tonight… the lance."

[continued in page 2/4]

Geldon 2374

File: 1352934269933.jpg (327.17 KB, 895x1102, 132188820315.jpg)

>>2373
"Finest hoof-woven baskets you've ever seen!" cried Rarity over the din of the fair. She had, thus far, been turning a very brisk trade. Naturally! She was a wonder, after all.

Staring at her with heart-filled eyes, Spike certainly seemed to think so too. "Oh, Rarity!" He was feeling emboldened by the change from the usual Ponyville environs, and let a little something slip. "This is why I'm going to marry you!"

"Marry?!" the white unicorn took a few steps back from the purple baby dragon. The little creature often flattered her, and she respected him as Twilight's adoptive sibling, but perhaps he was getting a little too encouraged. She had best nip that in the bud.

"Spike, I really appreciate your help, and you are a dear friend, you know that. But I really don't think marriage is ever going to happen. You're a dragon!" She turned her nose up from him to get her point across.

Spike's face shifted rapidly from its open adoration to blank-faced horror as he realized he had just been dumped. His heart was naturally feeling just a bit clouded… by fear, maybe even a bit of self-hatred.

Noticing a prolonged period of silence, Rarity looked down from her haughty little snub to see where the dragon had went to. She was surprised to see that he had not only stayed put, but had grown to twice his size and had jets of Sombra's dark fire coming from his eyes.

"Being dragon really matter?" came the words from Spike, unusually guttural with an older dragon's voice box and King Sombra's rather poor grasp of language. He snatched Rarity up in his claws and swooped her into a dashing pose (not unlike what could be seen on a cover of those trashy romance novels Rarity so enjoyed when she thought nopony was looking).

"Oh my!" swooned Rarity in a typical attack of over-dramatization. She hated to admit it, but Spike was suddenly a lot more strapping, debonaire and (dare she say it) irresistibly arousing!

Her eyes darted to the empty space under her basket weaving counter. "What say you, Sir Spike, we do a little undercover weaving exhibition of our own?"

Spike grinned.



Pinkie Pie capered throughout the streets in her jester outfit, spreading happiness amongst the Crystal Ponies as only she knew how. But now it was time for something a little more serious.

She darted into a dark alley and waited for her eyes to adjust. Gradually, she made out the crystalline brickwork, the rocks, a sack, a bucket, even a rather large ball of dust. She smiled. Good, everypony was here.

"Bucket o' turnips!" She ordered crisply, "Report your findings!" Her shout caused the bucket to jump, nearly spilling its contents, but it remained silent.

"I see. Have you turned up anything of note, Sir Lintsalot?" The ball of lint was much less talkative than usual.

Pinkie Pie turned her gaze to the pile of rocks. It just sat there, sheepishly.

The pink pony frowned, "Even you, Madam LaFlour?" The sack of flour drooped.

Her eyes shifting between the various inanimate objects, Pinkie Pie pondered the situation. What to do? Clearly the troops had returned empty-hooved. This was bound to reflect badly on morale.

A thought struck. The pony began removing her jester's outfit, slowly, one piece at a time. This situation clearly called for a morale-building exercise.

[Continued in page 3/4]

Geldon 2375

File: 1352934312305.jpg (189 KB, 638x356, 1298831075882.jpg)

>>2374

In the Crystal Kingdom library's secret antechamber, Twilight Sparkle began to read even more feverously, her breath coming in short spurts, a fore hoof wandering in the direction of her virgin nether.

The gladiator's tent flap had been securely fastened shut. Rainbow Dash finished reattaching the practice lance to her armor, and brought its huge blunted ball point to bear, looming ever closer to Fluttershy. The shy little pegasus shuddered. Was this going to hurt? She bit her lip. She dearly hoped it would hurt.

Under the basket weaving counter, Spike looked back and forth between Rarity's luxurious white underbelly and those gorgeous expectant eyes. Now that he was down here, he was not entirely sure what to do. Oh well, he was sure to figure this out eventually!

Pinkie Pie capered about the alley, carrying as many of her inanimate friends on her back she could. "Yes, Rocky, yes!" crowed Pinkie Pie, "Even you can be on the mobile grocery stand of love!"

"NOW WHAT IN TARNATION IS GOING ON HERE?!" boomed Applejack's voice, drowning out all else.



From the disheveled pile of zoned-out ponies sitting in the middle of Twilight Sparkle's library back in Ponyville, the minds of five young ponies and a dragon wrenched themselves back into reality, shaking a dark red aura from their eyes.

Propped up against one of the walls of the library was a very familiar black door, the very same that had once held Twilight and Spike trapped in their worst nightmares in the bowels of the Crystal Kingdom castle. Next to it stood Applejack, who slammed the door with a hoof and stared crossly at her friends.

Twilight Sparkle was the first to open her mouth, "Um-"

"Shut it." drawled Applejack sternly. "I tol' ya I reckoned this here door would be nuthin' but trouble, and yer tryin' to magic it from being a doora nightmares to a doora dreams was just agunna go awry, n' I see that I was right!"

Everypony else in attendance, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Spike, all looked just a bit ashamed of themselves.

"That's wut I thought," said the farm pony, "Come on, Twilight, help me load this door onto the wagon outside. Reckon it'll at least make some decent wood to patch up the farm."

"But-" cried the magenta unicorn weakly.

"No buts!" The earth pony stood firm.



Being an enchanted door is not the most pleasant job in the world. First, it was granted rudimentary sentience by King Sombra to act as some kind of Crystal Castle booby-trap. It was so boring sitting around in that basement alone most of the time!

But then it had to be picked up by this silly purple unicorn. She seemed to know quite a bit about magic, but she was clearly over her head here, and her meddling gave the door such a headache!

Now, things had gone from bad to worse. For most ponies, it was able to deal with by ensnaring them in some kind of mental trap. For some reason, it did not work on this tawny earth cowpony. It was as though… as though this pony was far more interested in the door than anything the door had to show her.

As it was loaded aboard her wagon, Applejack secretly ran a hoof along the door's wooden surface and mumbled something too quiet for anypony else to hear. "Mmm, solid applewood. If Bloomberg was still here, he would be so jealous…"

As the wagon trundled off to Sweet Apple Acres, the door felt something it never felt before… genuinely creeped out.

[I was wrong, there's no page 4!]

2376

File: 1352935217849.png (260.34 KB, 650x1269, tumblr_mdbawwTOLd1r3xauuo1_128…)

2377

File: 1352935666173.jpeg (25.62 KB, 600x336, I bucking dare you.jpeg)

Also, it may just be that I don't read a lot, if any, fanfiction but I was under the impression that shipfic and clopfic were two different things.

2378

File: 1352935718300.jpg (47.1 KB, 363x462, 13527573_gal.jpg)

>>2377
They are.

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc 2379

File: 1352935758207.png (173.07 KB, 485x347, glitter 4.png)

>>2378
In theory

2380

File: 1352936065280.jpeg (15.62 KB, 368x360, I'm the princess I make the ru…)

>>2378
I think I'm just fuzzy on the definitions then

Geldon 2381

File: 1352936393719.jpg (88.98 KB, 800x632, Canon Ship.jpg)

>>2380
I usually draw the line at clopfics being actual, graphic marshmallow. A ship fic can have implied marshmallow (even better if that implied marshmallow didn't really happen).

2382

File: 1352936563385.png (451.45 KB, 1478x2000, Fortuna The Die is Cast and it…)

>>2380
Clopfics are a subsection of Shipfics that have graphical depiction of marshmallow.

Tactical!fRainBOoMw 2383

>>2382

I disagree. Half the time they don't focus on the idea of the two characters being a couple, or even on how their not-a-couple relationship is.

2384

File: 1352946264966.png (151.21 KB, 617x700, hiiiiiiiiii.png)

>>2382
>>2381
Ah, I guess that's where I was off. I thought shipfics were about relationships and clopfics were about marshmallow.

Geldon 2385

File: 1352946280390.jpg (242.4 KB, 945x945, Futurama Farnsworth Good News …)

>>2383
Shipping is short for relationshipping.

Not to be confused with quality relationshipping.

Frankly, if a ship fic manages to pull that off, it's time to buy a lottery ticket, you actually found a fanfic author who knows the art of subtlety today.

2386

File: 1352947062144.jpg (24.23 KB, 351x294, 134145063810-2.jpg)

>>2385
I like to think my story had a quality relationship. Short, yes. But I think it was good for what it was.

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2387

File: 1352947262380.jpg (262.88 KB, 1016x768, fluttershy'smane.jpg)

Did I win yet?

Geldon 2388

File: 1352947391321.png (193.06 KB, 494x527, screws in fan service.png)

>>2386

Hmm…

>>2347
>>2348

Aw, that's a nice shipfic, I'd say you managed to pull it off fairly well.

Three is one glaring problem with it though.

This is a deliberately bad shipfic contest.

2389

File: 1352947841829.jpg (7.94 KB, 159x173, 134144954587-1.jpg)

>>2388
I'm aware, hence the disclaimer at the top. I was going to write a crappy one but the idea played out in my head so well it ended up being not bad. But I wasted the time writing it, so I figured I'd post it anyway.

2390

File: 1352948179782.jpg (36.61 KB, 322x461, 13646724_gal.jpg)

>>2367

My picks:
25's: >>2343 and >>2344
Kazune's: >>2339

ATTENTION, A FRENCH PERSON IS JUDGING YOU,FRENCH PEOPLE KNOW THOSE THINGS RIGHT? Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2391

File: 1352948900727.gif (60.74 KB, 283x306, reading-gif.gif)

I'll start by writing a small review of all the fics, because I think you guys deserve it.
I honestly haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time, and anypony who's tried to talk with me tonight found me in a high state of excitation and cheerfulness. So thank you, everyone who participated, you're ALL amazing, and I wish I didn't have to pick a winner. one thing's sure, I won't be ranking you guys, that would be IMPOSSIBLE.

When I started reading all these, i sighed a little, looked like a LOT of work. but as I was halfway into it, I was just laughing so hard I wouldn't have stopped for the world. Thank you.
Now for the reviews!

Mr. Bluesky!SOULxUy/gQ
First, props for being the first entry, it can't be easy, heh, and as soon as I read your fic, I thought "Oh boy,if they're ALL going to be like that, I'm going to have a hard time deciding". I was entirely right, and I did have a hard time deciding.. You parodied the stereotypical bad fic/trollfic pretty well, and it was a very fun short read in the end

BMO St. Neon!NeonyPHO3Y
That was a very cute shipfic, it was very cheesy too (Oh, god, Twister seriously?) but in the end they were very in character, and it made me d'aw more than it being a bad fic.

Now at this point I must say something. Everyone who used the word shoolawoop owes me copyrights >.> I swear you people
Eustatian!Wings60m9
I know this is supposed to be a parody of your average borderline clopfic, but it was just too well written to be in this competition, and to be believable as a bad fic anyway, I did enjoy the read anyway, thank you for that, and thank you for taking the time to review many fics and give a bit of the /fic/ spirit to this contest! ♥ You get my personal award for "team spirit" I guess, haha

Golden vision
Your fiction was the first one that got me to go "wow". You got it right, it was just good enough to be readable, and sounded a lot like "My immortal" and other very bad fics I had the pleasure to read in the past. Without getting too much into parody, you focused more on it being absolutely silly, I loved it. Your fic was among my favorites!

Shuckle!XJDubleDp
Your fic has this terrible, terrible trait: At first, it looks normal, and it just keeps getting worse with every line until you just finish being like… "what?" at each line. I loved it!

Pascoite!uxy6g7ov9I
I love stories where the author plays with the reader, it's how I used to write a lot (when I wrote stuff x: don't tell anypony I used to do that) and your fic made me genuinely laugh and brought me back to that. Written like a professional parody of MLP:FiM, I adored your style!

Soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw
Oh god, soundslikeponies, you made me laugh SO hard, TwilightXAngel, WHAT?! Haha, you're amazing, and so was that whole, heart-breaking story.
“And as for the beavers? Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”
Best pun of the competition right here.I still think your whole fic was made up just for that pun.

Ezn!RAopYJNHZ6
Oh god,Ezn, you're making this hard on me, because you're the one who made me realize it was going to be hard for me to pick a winner. Your fic was amazing, and it made me laugh heartily, your light-hearted self-depreciation and familiar narration were just in the right tone, you're one of my favorites of the whole competition!

EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE
Thank you scootaloo, I hadn't laughed this hard in a while, my sides have officially crossed warp 10.
Once oppan a gangnam style is the best story introduction ever. Reminded me a bit of My Immortal too, if you read it.

Companion Pony/Griffith
Once upon a time you wrote a story and I liked it because it was short, like this review.

ATTENTION, A FRENCH PERSON IS JUDGING YOU,FRENCH PEOPLE KNOW THOSE THINGS RIGHT? (2) Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2392

File: 1352948926408.jpg (26 KB, 477x422, Irish.jpg)

dolfeus!doseuxbE3s
Dolfeus what are you doing
Dolfeus stahp
You're making this too hard on me, that one was amazing, rhymes? References to ye olde pirate song? How the hell am I supposed to keep my sides in place?
Thank you so much for this, amazing entry, first time I read anything by you, I'll try not to make it the last!

Tactical!fRainBOoMw
[20:56:22] Tom': Tactical Rainboom's story made me gay
[20:56:26] Tom': True story
[20:56:27] Tom': x:
[20:58:30] Anonthony: FINALLY

'nuff said

Kazune!/XqhVjvCao
They're on a boaaat
Your fic was a lot of fun, i laughed pretty hard at the song, and the light buddies/lovers shipping was actually pretty cute.
Also, shipping. on a boat. I get it.

TheNumber25!PcMsh3kU2s
I've taken a lichen to this story. - second best pun in this contest, by the way.
Your fiction was well written. It was amazingly funny, the idea was hilarious, and the plants theme throughout the text was full of awful puns, I was amazed.
Thank you so much for this, your fiction is, without any doubt, among my favorites, if not my favorite.

Toybox:
That was a very cute shipfic, it was indeed, well, not silly, so it won't win you the contest, but it was very cute and very nice, especially considering you didn't proofread it a lot, so congrats on writing a cute shipfic! ♥

DPoni:
Story 1: Dat cliffhanger~
Story 2: I think there's a special place in hell for people like you, I hope you enjoy it there, say hi to Hitler from me.

Artee!V1bM0d5Fdc
It was a lot of fun - the gak and smooze referenced, I mean-, but it not actually being a shipfic, it's a bit off topic unfortunately, it was however very fun to read! Thank you for that ♥

Geldon
Prize for the most borderline clopfic, and staying on topic as well, it was also pretty well written! Though it was honestly more on the clop-side than on the silly side, if you count Twilight's book addiction and Pinkie's silliness out. I loved the end! Thank you for that ♥

Overall, my personal favorites are:
- Golden Vision's, you got it right, and in your own way, you were the silliest. It reminded me so much of actual bad fics, you just nailed it. You gain my personal prize for worst shipfic!
- Ezn's, for some reason that light-hearted self depreciation really made me laugh, you're the balance between looking like an actual bad shipfic and writing a wonderfully "wat" one.
- 25's, I just can't ignore how amazingly absurd your fic was. If anything, I'm saddened to admit to myself that it was a bit off topic - it was about shipping, but in the end there wasn't a WHOLE LOT of actual shipping in it. It's the reason why you're among the favorites, and not my all-time favorite, actually, otherwise your fic was astounding.
- EMF Scootaloo for making me laugh the most. I don't even know why, I just lost my shit and started laughing like an idiot reading all this. No actual story, horribly written, worse than a trollfic, but it was just so amazingly funny, you deserve a point from me.

There's my votes, and the first judge post I think! Again, thank you to EVERYONE who participated, all your fics were absolutely amazing, and I wish I didn't have to leave any of you out of the spotlight, which is why I took the time to write you all a small comment, because you all made my night ♥

Geldon 2393

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>>2392
>Prize for the most borderline clopfic, and staying on topic as well, it was also pretty well written! Though it was honestly more on the clop-side than on the silly side
Whoops! Color me as inadvertently catering to those who know me best. ;)

2394

File: 1352954467600.gif (2.05 MB, 249x187, He_man_eiacula_2.gif)

>>2392
>got it right
>silliest
>nailed it

>pic

Soundslikeponies!bQsJPGMNfw 2395

File: 1352986119890.png (96.97 KB, 450x450, 132813694349.png)

I'm so confused. I wasn't sure if we were going for bad as in, bad writing, or bad as in, horrible concept but playing it straight with a bit of 'oh god that's so bad' cheeziness and cliche.

All I really got out of the op was:
>I mean worst - the most ridiculous/humorous

2396

File: 1352986236428.png (193 KB, 939x851, mother_of_celestia__by_wakkaex…)

>>2395
Oh well, either way I still got to write 1940's Angel.

Tom' the /♥/ bringer !tHOMASuvlQ 2397

File: 1352991895910.png (44.58 KB, 867x921, lurking 2_phletram.png)

>>2395
>>2396
Your fic was very good and on topic, I don't see what you mean.

Winner: !!Applejack 2398

File: 1353002564311.png (230.86 KB, 900x767)

Drumroll please…..

The winner of the badshipfic contest is:
Golden Vision!
>>2293

Congratulations. After all the judges talked it over and narrowed it down, yours wins for best overall badshipfic and all that it entails. You should be proud… I think. We'll come up with an appropriate power for you once we can name you Ship Captain.

The top three honorable mentions are:

EMF Scootaloo
Thenumber25
Ezn

Who also wowed/appalled us with their skill/parody/eyesearing stories.

!!Fluttershy 2399

File: 1353002741311.jpg (81.32 KB, 900x700)

>>2398
If I may add - we had a really hard time picking a winner, you can really be all proud of yourselves, and not only the 4 of you, but everyone who participated.
That was awesome! And congratulations to Golden Vision for winning the competition!

EMF Scootaloo!G4/R19.jIE 2400

File: 1353002805260.png (135 KB, 258x317, 192.png)

>>2398
I can honestly say that Golden Vision thoroughly deserved that. I guess I'll have to try something even worse next time.

Thanks for the honourable mention though. I appreciate it.

!!Trixie's Skype name is now 'KING POMBEAR'. That's winning in itself.

>>2399
Thank you very much. It's been a fun contest.

2401

File: 1353014589712.gif (80.56 KB, 248x200, 3306355+_95eaa02b1e5deb0b701f1…)

Holy crap, I won O_O

Well, I just wanna say good job to everyone who participated! I honestly though Number25 was going to win—his was hilarious. Ah, well. Guess I win by writing the worst fic!

Wait, does that mean I actually lose? :O

Geldon 2402

File: 1353014876757.jpg (154.81 KB, 700x700, 1298830957254.jpg)

I've learned I'm apparently too proud to write a bad fic for the sake of a bad fic competition.

Well, that and I didn't completely understand that's what they meant by "bad." The OP said, "the most ridiculous/humorous," but not in what way.

Mr. BlueSky!SOULxUy/gQ 2403

File: 1353015129313.png (40.63 KB, 209x203, thinking.png)

>>2391
sorry I didn't get to this sooner ..ahaha sick and all
and thank you!
and to be honest I was just in this for shits and giggles but congrats to golden vision

2404

File: 1353015455405.png (7.62 KB, 500x500, Fortuna Full Mane Massage.png)

>>2402
That's why I didn't enter.

[Element of Desu] Boku no !GummyfZBao 2405

File: 1353026435453.jpg (146.48 KB, 776x474, weirddick.jpg)

>>2392
>I think there's a special place in hell for people like you, I hope you enjoy it there, say hi to Hitler from me.

dolfeus!doseuxbE3s 2406

File: 1353027228540.jpg (30.17 KB, 462x370, 6922828_gal.jpg)

>>2401
>>2398
gg, everyone. This was a lot of fun.
Congrats, GV, my friend, you've earned it. Whatever power you receive, just… don't abuse it on me, 'kay? Good? Good.

Congratulations to the runners-up, too. Save you, EMF Scoots. You need your writing hand put to the flame. I'll never recover from the drain bamage your fic caused me.





I'm kidding.

!!Applejack 2407

I'll be moving this over to /arch/ in just a minute…

Red Star 2408

File: 1353052389513.png (292.38 KB, 1000x1000, Communism Desu Desu.png)

>>2407
>inb4


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